You Can Have the Cake and Eat It Too
It’s time to step out of the either-or narrative and write our own definition of success
“You can’t have the cake and eat it too” or, like we say in Italian “You can’t have a drunk wife and a full barrel”.
Can’t you, though?
I recently shared my take on a limiting piece of common knowledge, and since I love to shake pre-made definitions of how things should be, I’m doubling down with another one today.
Here’s my bold statement:
I can have the cake and eat it too.
And hopefully, you’ll feel as confident as I am when you are done reading this.
The people around us, although doing it with the best of intentions, love to put limits to our expansion.
“You can’t be a good mother and a successful entrepreneur.”
“You can’t own a successful business and have plenty of free time.”
“Success comes from struggle and hard work.”
Consciously or not, we live by these limitations and we pass them on to the people around us — our kids, our friends, our co-workers, our neighbors, and even the cashiers at the supermarket.
We’ve been exposed to these stories our whole life, after all.
They have become part of our subconscious programs, and it’s only natural that they now control our behavior and make us feel like we have to compromise.
Have you ever stopped to think about whether any of these stories are true, though? If you do, you’ll notice they don’t necessarily are.
Breaking free of self-imposed limitations starts with challenging pre-made definitions of how things should be
You can have *all* that you want, provided that you do this one thing:
Get clear on your own definition of what each part of the equation means.
You can be a great mother and a widely successful entrepreneur, as long as you get clear on what each means to you and don’t blindly accept other people’s definitions of what “a good mother” and “a successful entrepreneur” look like.
An example?
Being a good mother, to me, includes modeling self-care to my kids, and showing them that it’s okay to chase our dreams.
Of course, I’ll have to spend some time away from my kid to build my career, but that doesn’t make me feel like a terrible parent like I imagine my mother would have felt, in my place. I make sure I spend plenty of quality time with my child every single day and that I never let my personal pursuits get in the way of us enjoying each other’s company.
These are my values when it comes to parenting, and I can stay true to all of them while being a successful entrepreneur.
Fun and work?
We have plenty of examples of people having fun in their jobs.
People building a career around what they love, or simply finding creative ways to incorporate what they love into their job.
These are usually the most successful people, by the way.
Successful entrepreneurship is about finding solutions
Each and every one of us has everything we need to design our life exactly how we dream about — with no limitations except the ones that we (consciously or not) impose on ourselves.
Whenever you find yourself limiting your options or falling into pre-made definitions of how things should (or shouldn’t be), try the following approach:
- Challenge your definition of A and B.
In the previous example:
What does “being a successful entrepreneur” mean to you?
Is it really your definition of it, or is it influenced by what you’ve seen/experienced growing up?
And what does “having a good time” mean to you?
What’s your definition of a good time?
Do you have a good time when you feel creatively fulfilled? When you create deep relationships with other people? When you share your stories and laugh your heart out?
Whatever your A and your B are, ditch the standard definition of them and write your own.
- Build a bridge to have both (or be both)
Continuing on the previous example:
How can you make your work bring you creative fulfillment?
How can you make your business your playground, doing plenty of what you love and outsourcing the boring stuff?
How can you have fun while doing the stuff that gets you money?
If you believe that work=boring, or work=struggle, you will never be able to bring fun and joy into it.
Chances are, this limiting belief is going to jeopardize your chances of success, too.
Limiting narratives are sneaky.
They sit in our subconscious mind and they silently influence our perception, thoughts, and choices — our whole life, really.
It can take years for a limiting narrative to come out in the open, and only a moment to change it.
Our subconscious is like a tunnel: you don’t see what’s in it until it gets out.
One way to try and let limiting narratives out is by challenging the either-or stories you think are true in your life.
There’s always a way to have the cake and eat it too.
If you adopt a flexible thinking approach and embrace your authentic definition of the options, you’ll find at least one.
Next time you catch yourself trapped in an “either-or” narrative, I invite you to challenge yourself to find a creative solution and expand to a new, empowered version of yourself.
