Crap! I Was Cajoled Into Getting Another Colonoscopy Tomorrow
The Misery Of Prepping
I am sitting here in my recliner the night before my third colonoscopy. I just drank my yucky prep and 32 ounces of water. I wasn’t sure I could get that stuff down. It was very salty. It took me about 40 minutes to get that 16 ounces of briny liquid down my throat.
I almost thought I was going to vomit. And just think, I get to do the whole thing all over again at 6 a.m. tomorrow. That won’t be easy.
I now feel like I am nine months pregnant. I have never been pregnant but my stomach feels huge and bloated.
I swear the first time I had a colonoscopy I felt everything. It was horrid.
I am looking forward to being in la la land. I remember the first time my mother had her colonoscopy. When she woke up she told me she loved how she felt and wanted to do it again!
Sometimes they use the drug that killed the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. It was propofol. If they do give me this drug, I won’t be able to tell them to beat it. I wonder how I would look being all drugged up. I definitely would not be the man in the mirror if I looked at my reflection. It would be bad if I did.
Oh, pooh! It has been almost two hours since I had my prep. Nothing is happening yet. I do have a stomach ache. I certainly hope that I am not going to be up all night going to the bathroom.
I specifically asked for noon tomorrow for my procedure because I didn’t want to get up at 3 in the morning to drink the second half of the prep.
As most people say, it isn’t the colonoscopy we dread, it is the dreaded prep that we dread.
My stomach isn’t even gurgling. I took my prep extra early so I wouldn’t go to bed late. I guess that didn’t work.
My stomach is usually sensitive and makes lots of noise at the most inappropriate times. I can’t believe it isn’t reacting to my delightful (NOT) drink.
I accidentally made a huge mistake. You aren’t supposed to eat seeds or nuts, and other foods for several days before your colonoscopy. I have been eating watermelon after lunch and I diligently removed the seeds.
My focus was on the watermelon and I didn’t realize that I had been eating tomatoes at both meals right up until yesterday.
Being the worry wart and researcher that I am, I Googled it and discovered that seeds can clog the scope and interfere with visibility. I called the doctor’s office and blurted out that I had been eating tomatoes for days.
He thought about it and said that I was on the strong prep and that it would probably just flush those seeds right out of me. Is that like the song in South Pacific? It reminds me of “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair.” I’m gonna flush those seeds right outa my rear. Now everybody, sing along.
I had to call because I wasn’t about to drink the dreadful prep and end up having my test canceled because of a clogged scope. He said he thought I would be fine but offered to reschedule the test if I wanted to.
I didn’t cancel because I just wanted this done and over with. We both decided that tomato seeds aren’t as bad as other kinds of seeds.
If you are reading this before noon on Thursday, August 17, please send good vibes my way.
After the colonoscopy, I will be all dung. Well actually, I will be pooped out, in more ways than one.
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