Reflections at the Red Light
trigger warning: very slight mention of childhood trauma
It was just another red light.
Mom Joke
I looked up and noticed a police cruiser facing our car, also patiently waiting at his light. In an animated mood from the day’s festivities, I almost made the joke, “Cop! Everyone duck down!” I assumed the kids would roll their eyes at the corny mom joke.
Then, something flickered inside of me. It was then that I realized how much my life had transformed.
The Past Revisits
The reality is that there was a time that I was programmed to have my alarms go off when I saw those lights. I was always told that the police were the enemies because if one was to show up, we would be “taken away” and “we didn’t want that did we”? “Taken away” was never really elaborated on.
It was never “because we are doing something wrong.” Instead, the police were the homewreckers. I remained silent through the haze of smoke and strangers that visited our home daily to avoid getting “taken away”.
Even after that time, I still got the sense of dread from the sight of that black and white vehicle that seemed to reflect danger off of it. Every time I passed by one, I thought I’d be pulled over. Were my lights working? Could I afford a ticket? I felt dizzy from this memoir-like moment until peace subsided in my soul.
Sometimes the shadows of the past creep in just for the light of the present to expose a new reality.
Green Means Go
My kids were chatting along with no regard to the police at all. The light turned green, and both cars moved in opposite directions. We drove towards the life we had built for ourselves- one of peace and the belief of good in the world.
