Toddler “F Bombs”
This one is for the new(ish) parents out there! We have all been in this situation, and if you have not yet, it will come! Trust me.
You have survived the newborn phase relatively unscathed. You have come out the other side with renewed optimism and energy for what’s to come.
Sleep has begun to creep back into your life. Your child although still extremely dependent on you, is becoming a little more independent, giving you a little more time and freedom in your day.
Things are on the up and up. You have made it! You are rocking this parenting gig. You may think it’s not even as hard as everyone makes it out to be. You are reveling in your glory.
I give every one of you my utmost respect and admiration for getting through this phase.
Now the cute phase begins. Watching your child explore the world, watching them process things, watching them learn how to play.
It’s just the best, isn’t it?
All the major milestones are being hit. Learning to crawl, cooing and cawing, standing, those huge first steps. Mum and Dad are proud as punch. As they should be.
Your little one is growing up in front of your eyes. You never want this period to end.
Then THE milestone is met. Their first word. The very thing that separates us from almost every other mammal on the planet. The ability to communicate with the spoken word.
Is everyone still with me? Good. Let me continue.
Your child is now a little older, starting to build a vocabulary and the pride just swells within you.
Then, one day. A day you figured perhaps was coming, but you’re still never quite prepared for.
Your two-year-old throws an “F Bomb” at you. Now, in my case, this was totally my fault. I have been known to get a little fired up from time to time whilst watching Liverpool games.
My two-year-old may or may not have heard a couple of inadvertent “F Bombs” come from my mouth. Oops! Bad Dad Bod!
Now, the first time it came out of my son’s mouth I made a huge mistake. I thought it was hilarious.
This kid who could barely talk, was throwing “F Bombs” at me like I’d crafted a poorly made sandwich to Gordon Ramsay. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, it was funny!
My wife on the other hand was less impressed.
Now, dealing with this was rather easy. Once the 8-year-old in me was put back where he belonged, the parent and adult in me realized rather quickly what was happening.
My son loved the fact that he was making me laugh. He wanted my attention. He wanted a reaction, and I was giving it to him.
This could have led to us having a two-year-old foul mouthed sailor in our midst for the foreseeable future.
So, we cut out the laughs. We completely ignored him. Problem solved. Now, this is fine when your child is two years old.
But what about when they are four?
We have recently come under a verbal barrage of “F Bombs” coming our way once again.
OH. COME ON KID! We have dealt with this already!
He is now MUCH more aware, he is MUCH more intelligent, and simple ignorance is just not going to cut it this time around.
Our boy is a social one. He is not afraid to talk to others. On the one hand, we are incredibly happy that he has the social skills he does already. But it also comes with problems.
He re-learned the word from some older boys at the park at a school near our house.
Those little buggers making me have to parent! Am I right?
Anyhow, what do we do now? Getting mad at him is entirely inappropriate. He is four. He has no understanding of what the word truly means. It’s not his fault he has learned something new.
It would be extremely unfair of us to push our adult expectations onto him. He just won’t understand.
But we can’t do nothing!
So where does that leave us? Getting mad is off the table. We also cannot ignore the fact that he’s saying these things.
If we ignore it (like when he was two) he will now start to believe that it is okay to say because Mummy and Daddy are not battling an eyelid.
He needs to know what he is doing is wrong. But how do you let a toddler know that a word he really doesn’t understand is wrong?
We can’t continuously express to him that he should not be saying it either. If we approach it that way, he is getting a reaction out of us every single time. If he gets that reaction, he will continue to say it.
Man, this parenting thing is HARD!
Okay new(ish) parents. My extremely long-winded story up until now brings me to what works. Well, at least what works for my wife and me.
It is not rocket appliances (for the Trailer Park Boys fans out there), it is extremely simple.
1. Calmy explain to your toddler that what they have said to you is a bad word. That it is not okay to use.
2. When they say it again, and they WILL say it again. Ignore it this time and all times that follow.
3. Redirect. The absolute biggest parenting life hack.
That’s it. That is all we do.
When our son has asked us why it is a bad word, we have explained to him that it can make people feel sad. This is an emotion that he understands.
Unless your toddler is a little sociopath (they kind of are, aren’t they!), they will begin to understand this over time.
What comes next is being vigilant, is being consistent with your approach. All toddlers need structure, they need consistency. These things help them feel safe and understood.
When they feel safe and understood they are more likely going to be on the same page as you are also.
So, now when our son throws a volley of abuse our way, we follow our three steps outlined above. We let him know it’s not okay (because he needs to know that).
We then ignore it if it comes shortly after letting him know it is not okay, so that he does not continue to get a reaction out of us.
Then if it continues, it becomes Dad’s job to tickle, wrestle, and play pretend airplanes running around the house.
With this consistent approach we are starting to see him use the word less and less. We are on the winning path.
And guess what!
We now use this approach when he says anything else that we don’t find overly appropriate. It is HUGE that you and your partner are on the same page and follow the same approach.
By operating in this way, our son feels loved, he feels safe, he gets to act in an age-appropriate fashion for a four-year-old whilst simultaneously learning what is acceptable in a more grown up world.
Will our approach work for you? Perhaps, perhaps not. Tweak it to make it work for you, because as we know, at the end of the day every child is different.
My hope is that this coming from a parent, one that is by no means anywhere near guru parenting levels, that you will see what has worked in a real home.
If it helps you in any way, shape, or form, then that makes me so happy. If not, maybe you’ll feel better just knowing that we ALL go through it. There is comfort in that I believe.
Now go out there! Parent those f*cking toddlers of yours. May zero “F Bombs” give you peace.
Chat soon everyone.
Dad Bod.
