Read These 4 Books to Make the Best of Your Quarter-Life Crisis
Experience is indeed a great teacher, but books can also help point you in the right direction
If you’re a twenty-something in the middle of questioning their lives, you’re not alone.
Having recently turned 25, I thought I wasn’t going to fall victim to the notorious quarter-life crisis. I have a stable career that aligns with my passion, an overall healthy work-life balance, and a loving support circle. What else is there to question?
I am forever grateful for and acknowledge my privilege in having these things. But in recent months, I felt the need to look in the mirror and ask whether this is what I truly want.
I’m an avid reader, so one of the best ways to do that was through books. While reading may not provide a hands-on learning opportunity, they can offer insights into what you need to prepare onwards.
Here are some books that have helped me make the best of my quarter-life crisis.
1. Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
For some, being in a crisis feels so uncomfortable that they’d rather deny they were in one in the first place. They don’t like being reminded of a problem they need to confront since things seem fine and dandy on the surface.
If that sounds like you, know that it’s normal to feel this way. However, you need to know how to handle this inner conflict — and other obstacles, for that matter — if you want to move forward and get the life you want.
This book can help with that. Largely based on Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, Ryan Holiday took the philosophy of stoicism and repackaged it for the 21st century. The thesis statement? That conflicts, problems, or obstacles aren’t meant to hold us back but rather advance us.
This book is broken into three parts — perception, action, and will. It will explain how to shift your view on obstacles, how to channel your energy into overcoming them, and how to maintain this practice for the long term.
One disclaimer — it isn’t the most practical book. Rather, it will show you ways to embrace obstacles by citing examples from influential public figures, from Barack Obama, Laura Ingalls Wilder, to Steve Jobs. That said, Holiday’s language is straightforward and easy to digest.
Most memorable quotes
“When you worry, ask yourself, ‘What am I choosing to not see right now?’ What important things are you missing because you chose worry over introspection, alertness or wisdom?”
“There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.”
“In its own way, the most harmful dragon we chase is the one that makes us think we can change things that are simply not ours to change. That someone decided not to fund your company, this isn’t up to you. But the decision to refine and improve your pitch? That is.”
2. Atomic Habits by James Clear
The mid-20s is all about discovering who you are and fulfilling your true potential — and there’s no better way to do that by incorporating new habits. That said, habit formation can be tricky, especially if the action itself feels unfamiliar and inauthentic. Why should we bother working out early when our bed is there to comfort us?
James Clear’s Atomic Habits can help with this. Well-researched and easy to follow, this book explains how habit formation is less about motivating oneself and setting a clever goal and more about creating a system that works for your personality.
In other words, if you’ve never exercised before and decided to do one of Chloe Ting’s intense workouts, you’ll probably end up disappointing yourself in the beginning — feeling less pumped to repeat the same routine the next day.
Instead, look for beginner-friendly and low-impact workouts that are easier to grasp. James Clear emphasized how it’s best to make the habit easy in the beginning so that you get used to doing it for a certain amount of time. As you go along, feel free to add to the complexity and intensity to improve upon the results.
The book also explains the importance of choosing habits that align with the kind of identity you want to embody. If you’re looking to transform your life for the better in this quarter-life crisis, think of the future actions you would do in their daily routines. The habits that you start today are the seeds for the person you become tomorrow.
I can’t recommend this book enough. Also, consider signing up on James Clear’s mailing list to get his 3–2–1 weekly newsletters. Tons of knowledge nuggets there.
Most memorable quotes
“Over the long run, however, the real reason you fail to stick with habits is that your self-image gets in the way. This is why you can’t get too attached to one version of your identity. Progress requires unlearning. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity.”
“Many people think they lack motivation when what they really lack is clarity. It is not always obvious when and where to take action. Some people spend their entire lives waiting for the time to be right to make an improvement.”
“Your culture sets your expectation for what is ‘normal.’ Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You’ll rise together.”
3. The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest
In one of your existential crises, you might’ve noticed a pattern occurring in your life. Maybe you keep dealing with the same type of problem no matter the circumstances, or you keep pulling in the same type of toxic people into your circles. Naturally, you want to break this cycle to make way for a better future.
There are certain things beyond our control that we can only accept. That said, a significant part of self-discovery is getting to know parts of ourselves that keep contributing to the same problem.
That’s what The Mountain is You is about. To get what you truly want, you have to overcome the biggest obstacle of them all — yourself.
This book sheds light on how our thoughts and emotions can be our biggest enemies. The truth is, not all the voices in your head are true. Often, you have to be more in tune with the quiet and ignore the loudest, most fearful sounds to know what you truly want.
This book breaks down the topic of self-sabotage in seven large chapters, starting with showing ways you’ve been hindering yourself to how to overcome them by building emotional intelligence. The last three chapters explain how to let go of your past to carve a path for a better future.
If you’re a fan of Wiest’s essays, you should feel at home with this book. It’s like prose with several practical tips to help transform your self-sabotaging thought processes. If you’re looking for a slap in the face to get your life together, this book is for you.
Most memorable quotes
“The greatest act of self-love is to no longer accept a life you are unhappy with. It is to be able to state the problem plainly and in a straightforward manner.”
“Understanding your needs, meeting the ones you are responsible for, and then allowing yourself to show up so others can meet the ones you can’t do on your own will help you break the self-sabotage cycle and build a healthier, more balanced and fulfilling life.”
“Healing yourself is returning to your most natural state, which is hungry for personal freedom, irreverent to the suffocating opinions of others, creates without doubt, shows up without fear, and loves without stipulations and agreements and conditions.”
4. Attachment Theory by Thais Gibson
Similar to the previous recommendation, Attachment Theory can help explain why you are the way you are and how to overcome the triggers holding you back.
To answer these questions, this book explores how the dynamic we have with our parents shape our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones. There may be some core memories that your subconscious has recorded, affecting how you’ve been operating throughout most of your life.
It will explain the basic four attachment styles — secure, dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and anxious. There’s also a quiz to help figure out which style you most identify with.
After reading this book, I realized I have an anxious attachment style, largely caused by my parent's lack of emotional presence.
Relationship-wise, this style often made me codependent and insecure of my own worth — especially in relation to my place among my circles. Work-wise, it made me seek approval by overcompensating with working longer hours, pleasing others, and being a perfectionist.
As a growth-oriented person, I aim to unlearn these patterns to feel more confident in my roles as self, friend, partner, and professional. If you do, too, this book offers plenty of insights and actionable tips towards that direction.
Most memorable quotes
“It is essential to remember that our emotions are here to serve us — they are like alarm bells that are telling us a core wound is being triggered and our needs are unmet.”
“Keep in mind that since the subconscious mind is programmed through repetition and emotion, the more we perpetuate beliefs, the more deeply ingrained they become over time.”
“An essential concept to remember from the previous section is that people are very rarely arguing about being right or wrong; they’re more often arguing about being seen and heard.”
Experience is indeed a great teacher, but books can also help point you in the right direction. They can provide you with comfort and insights into what to do next during this chapter of your life.
That said, they’re not meant to provide you with all the answers. Some may even raise more questions than intended. Between each read, make sure to experiment, make mistakes, and put yourself out there to discover your next path.
What books have you read to get through a quarter-life crisis?
