Life Purge
Do I even want to admit this? No, but I will.
I threw up on Monday and felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Let me back up to first tell you that I am deathly afraid of two things:
- snakes
- throwing up
Seriously.
Flu?
Monday was my first day taking off in a very long time, as mentioned in Death and Grief.
I was going to do all the things on Monday, and by “all the things” I mean walk the lake, go to the gym, make some delicious food, write, read, and sit with my thoughts in general.
Instead, I woke up super early with a grumpy stomach. It was painful, but not anything like the Gutsy pain I knew in the past.
So I tried to pay no attention, until around 10 am when I couldn’t sit upright; the pain was intense and I was fatigued.
Perfect day, though, as it was raining. I hopped into bed. The next thing I knew it was 3:30pm. So I got up, took my puppy out. It didn’t last long.
The stomach pain intensified, so I hurried to put Georgie back then ran to the bathroom — throwing up every last thing I had eaten that day (which, admittedly wasn’t very much since I was barely awake during the day).
Now usually, I am the girl who cries before and after throwing up because I’m so afraid of it. Literally. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world and come cold and flu season, I get a little crazy.
But on Monday? I went through the motions, it was okay, and afterwards I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Life Purge
I rested for the remainder of the night, sleeping through the night in its entirety. Woke up yesterday feeling almost 100%.
Was it the flu? No way. It was my life purge. That’s the best way I can describe it.
Within the first few days of feeling some release from every last thing in my life, the past few months (namely since June) caught up.
I needed to completely relax and get rid of it all.
Of course I’m not trying to say this was all my dad. My dad was the culmination and most heartbreaking event of all — the one that will linger forever in some way, shape, or form- straw that straight broke this camel’s back. But during everything with Dad, I had other major life stressors (that I’ll be able to share soon).
Regardless, life majorly caught up to me and manifested in ways I never knew could physically be possible.
Now I know just how real they are.
I told Ryan that I “wasted” Monday — sleeping, throwing up, and feeling extra-blah.
But really, the day was far from wasted. I feel ready for my next phase in life, and am excited to share what’s up (even in the coming weeks).
My literal life purge was critical.
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Xox, SKH
