Fake Survivor: Samoa

The Patients Run the Asylum

Ianic Roy Richard
Nov 8 · 14 min read

We have finally reached Fake Survivor: Samoa or, as real-Survivor might call it, the Heroes vs Villains commercial featuring Russell Hantz. If I were hoping to preserve the essence of the real season, I would only write about one character throughout the season and then act surprised when people got sick of that character. Thankfully, I’m not looking to do that. Here’s our cast:

Follow along the action here: http://brantsteele.net/survivor/samoa/r.php?c=dpOpbr7Q

Foa Foa is interesting because it’s got two OGs, Dirk and Ramona. Neither are particularly memorable, although Dirk holds a place in Survivor lore for being part of the lawsuit filed against Survivor by Stacey Stillman. Hopefully nobody from production is going to try and influence him this time around. Foa Foa also has two certified crazies, chess grand master Marty Piombo and our beloved Noura Salman, star of the ongoing Survivor: Island of the Idols. I’m hoping for a deep run for these two.

That said, the Galu tribe is loaded. We have real-life winner Ethan Zohn, three-time player Stephenie LaGrossa, Alicia Calaway and her wagging fingers and, of course, the legendary queen of quips, Courtney Yates. Even people like Denise Martin, Ryan Ulrich and the slimy Sash Lenahan are good for some memorable moments. Edgardo is just okay but was part of a huge blindside. Then you have John Palyok and Liliana Gomez. I know they were on Vanuatu and Fiji respectively, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing about them.

On Foa Foa, the early alliances seem exciting. Aaron, Alec, Marty and Noura have formed a crazy foursome. That’s a pretty solid crew of people that would in no way, shape, or form stick to this alliance. But we’ll see how it pans out. Brendan and the two OGs, Dirk and Ramona, have formed a smaller but probably more stable alliance. Katie, Laura and Marissa have not aligned with anybody, as is Brant Steele tradition.

Over at Galu, Denise, Edgardo and Ryan have formed a 3-person alliance. This is like playing Survivor mad libs. Alicia, Ethan, John, Sash and Stephenie seemed to have grasped power in the tribe with a 5-person crew. Courtney and Liliana are on the outside looking in, Courtney has probably spent all of her time in the game thus far making fun of Sash.

Galu starts the game off on the right foot by winning reward and then immunity. This seems like the more competent tribe in general, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this didn’t happen over and over again. Then again, you can never really predict anything that happens on Fake Survivor. Someone might get evacuated in the final three with these simulations. You never know.

After winning the immunity challenge, Edgardo and Courtney get in a major fight. He must have heard her disparaging him in confessionals and taken offense. At Foa Foa, before heading out to tribal council, Dirk channels his inner-Hantz and finds the hidden immunity idol. As a member of the minority alliance that could help him out tonight.

From the results of the first vote, Foa Foa has a lot of in-fighting they’re going to have to resolve. Despite having two concrete alliances, no member of either alliance voted against the other side. Instead, the two sides fought over which outcasts to keep around. The Brendan and the OGs side wanted Laura out. The Crazy alliance decided to target Marissa. Marissa and Katie decided to throw some votes on Alec. Laura’s vote for Marissa was the one to top the scales for her boot in an odd, 5–3–2 vote. Some people are just destined to be voted off first on Survivor.

Episode 2 was more of the same. Galu took the victory in the immunity challenge. After the challenge, Galu went back to camp and Ethan managed to uncover the hidden immunity idol. So far, Ethan is in a great position. Majority alliance, dominant tribe and an idol in his pocket.

At Foa Foa, it was revealed that Alec’s behaviour was beginning to rub people the wrong way. Noura has already experienced this with Dan Spilo, so it must feel like déjà vu.

In what feels like a rarity in this Fake Survivor series, an idol was played at tribal council. Dirk, owner of the idol, pulled it out and used it for Brendan. His read was correct as the Crazy alliance placed all 4 of their votes on Brendan. Laura, independent of what anyone else is doing, voted for Katie. Brendan’s alliance, along with Katie, put 4 votes on Alec and in a 4–1 vote, Alec was sent home.

Now the alliances on that tribe are even. This was a great idol play by Dirk, who is already surpassing his status as an OG. This is more splash than he ever had in Borneo, at least on-screen.

Foa Foa realized they couldn’t keep losing immunity challenges, so they rallied for a victory in episode 3. Galu will attend their first tribal council on Day 9. High off the victory, Brendan went back to camp and quickly found the hidden immunity idol. Once again that alliance is getting one over on the Crazy alliance. Unfortunately for Brendan and Dirk, Ramona also began isolating herself from the tribe and their alliance. You win some, you lose some.

At tribal council, it quickly became apparent that the two loose threads were in danger. One alliance wanted Courtney to stay. The other wanted Liliana. It basically became a matter of which person Ethan’s majority alliance would back up and they chose to go with Courtney, voting out Liliana 6–4. Everyone will agree that this was the right choice.

In what feels like a bit of a shock, Foa Foa continued their success in episode 4 by winning another immunity challenge. Galu will go back to tribal council and here is where I started to worry a little bit about Courtney’s chances. Hopefully the majority alliance would rather take out someone from the minority rather than a random person on their own.

It was confirmed at tribal council that this is what was happening. While she may not be officially part of the alliance, Courtney has essentially become the Edna Ma to the Ethan alliance as the 6th member of a 5-person team. They used their 6 votes on Ryan Ulrich and there was nothing the other side could do. He was voted off, 6–3.

All it takes for a tribe to get some momentum is one victory. That has proven to be true for Foa Foa because in episode 5, they won both a reward and an immunity challenge to push Galu further past the brink. This is not the results I expected from Foa Foa, they have been a positive surprise in their competence.

I was expecting one of Denise or John to be next on Galu’s chopping block. But I should have known better. Never expect logic in a Brant Steele simulation. Instead, to my horror, both alliances got together to vote off Courtney, who will not make the merge. This is likely the end of the line for Courtney’s Fake Survivor career, disappointing to be certain.

Episode 6 is a double tribal council episode, meaning that both tribes will be voting someone off. Foa Foa continued their dominance by winning the reward challenge, making them go to tribal council first and getting them some pizza to watch Galu’s tribal council.

In the first vote, it was a square-off between two alliances who had an outsider each. The Crazy alliance plus Laura wanted Katie out. Brendan, Dirk, Ramona (who technically has left the alliance) and Katie wanted Marty out. The first vote was a tie. On the revote, I expected a couple of potential flippers but the one who eventually flipped was Brendan. He is not part of the people I thought might switch sides, but he really didn’t want to go to rocks. In 4–2 revote, Katie became the 6th person voted out of the game.

The Galu tribal council was much less complicated. One alliance has 5 people left. The other, only two. Ethan’s 5-person team chose to target Denise without fear, since Ethan holds the hidden immunity idol. There was nothing Denise and Edgardo could have done.

Finally, in episode 7, Galu got back on their winning ways. After the win, the large Ethan alliance dissolved, for reasons unknown to anyone. So close to the merge and with one extra person lying around to vote off as a security measure and they dissolve? This is bad for everyone involved.

At tribal council, Brendan and the OGs struck back against the Crazy alliance. They were able to get Laura on their side after voting out Katie. Maybe Laura really disliked Katie. Maybe she just wants to make sure neither alliance gains complete control of the tribe. Either way, she became the crucial 4th vote to get Marty out over Dirk in a 4–3 decision.

After Marty’s exit, we officially reached the merge. We are deadlocked at 6 members from each tribe. Galu officially has no alliances because their big 5-person team broke up right before the merge. Maybe they did so to include Edgardo and make him feel as part of the team heading into this confrontation with Foa Foa.

Speaking of Foa Foa, they have two separate alliances who have waged war with each other. The Crazy alliance is down to just Aaron and Noura. Brendan and the OGs is technically just Brendan and Dirk but despite removing herself from the equation, Ramona hasn’t voted with anyone else but them. Laura has voted where she felt like in every vote thus far. She is a loose cannon who seems intent on limiting how much power a single alliance can leverage.

The immunity idols are in Brendan and Ethan’s hands. Foa Foa has successfully played one idol already, Galu hasn’t. That experience might come in handy in what could be a very important merge vote.

Dirk and Ramona win individual immunities in the first individual immunity challenge of the season. This is the challenge in which Dave Ball told us all that making love is his sport. Before tribal council, the original Foa Foa tribe alliance (aka all 6 members) was deemed a very weak alliance. This is not great news heading into a vote where two even tribes are playing chicken with each other.

There was also the question of what the Galu alliance dissolution really meant. The tribal council helped us in clarifying that. It meant that Galu was ready to turn on each other pronto. Alicia decided she wanted to go for Sash, no one else followed. The rest of Galu, including Edgardo who was in a separate alliance, put their 5 votes on Alicia. Dirk and Brendan decided to stick their lot in with them. The Crazy alliance, Laura and Ramona put their 4 votes on Ethan, who wasted his idol in this round. In a weird 7–1 vote, Alicia was booted out of the game by her own former alliance.

Edgardo won the next immunity challenge. Nobody found the hidden immunity idol that was re-hidden after Ethan’s idol play in the last round. Going into tribal council, Brendan’s behaviour was becoming appreciated around camp.

Foa Foa looked like they were in the inferior position going into the merge vote. Despite the odds, they managed to get a Galu member out of the game thanks to messy strategy from the Galu side. Looking at the numbers, the 6 Foa Foa realized what they needed to do going into this vote. Galu also realized that they truly fucked up by voting out one of their own first. And then, when he saw the vote, Ethan realized he further screwed himself by playing his idol in the last round when he would have needed it this time around. Indeed, Ethan took 6 votes to the dome and was sent out of the game a little earlier than he would have liked.

John won the next immunity challenge. This is a reminder that John is still in the game. Back at camp, Sash found the idol, giving Galu a bit of hope to turn this around. Stephenie and Noura bonded a lot which makes sense, they both have very intense energy.

At tribal council, it became an idol affair. Sash played his idol for himself. Brendan, returning the favor from earlier in the game, played his idol for Dirk. Whether the Crazy alliance + Ramona did so by design and with Foa Foa’s knowledge or simply by going rogue, they were the reason not all votes were cancelled out. Instead, they threw 3 votes on Stephenie. The 4 votes on Dirk and the 4 votes on Sash were cancelled out and once again, Galu got outplayed. In a 3–0 with 10 people left in the game, Stephenie got the boot.

In the next immunity challenge, our girl Noura took home the “W.” To double down on her success, she also found the hidden immunity idol at camp. She celebrated a tour de force episode by getting into a fight with Ramona, with whom she had just previously voted. You can never let your allies get too comfortable I guess.

We can start to see the division in Foa Foa again. Going into tribal council, Aaron and Noura wanted John out of the game. Brendan and Dirk wanted Sash. Galu, sensing some tribe division, hoped that this might be their chance to sneak in a hit on one of the Foa Foa members and they targeted Dirk. Laura and Ramona were given the ultimate deciding power. They could have forced a 3–3–3 tie if they wanted but being buzz kills, they both decided to side with Brendan and Dirk. In a 4–3–2 vote, Sash was sent home. This is probably the right decision. John is probably a better competitor, but Sash is far slimier and desperate. That’s a dangerous combination.

As if with perfect timing, John won the next immunity challenge, lending a little more credence to Aaron and Noura’s wishes. This probably means lights out for Edgardo, as he becomes the only other Galu available to vote for… but you never know!

This game had become one of pairs and they realized quickly that some of these pairs needed to be broken up. Brendan and Dirk are pair number one. Laura and Ramona, outsiders of Foa Foa, are pair number two. Aaron and Noura are pair number three. John and Edgardo are pair number four.

Brendan and Dirk decided to turn their attention to Laura. Laura and Ramona thinking the plan was still Foa Foa strong, went after Edgardo. Aaron and Noura targeted the other person in Laura’s pair, Ramona. It’s odd that the two concrete alliances in Foa Foa didn’t go after each other instead.

The game became a tug of war for Edgardo and John’s votes. Suddenly, they had the power to decide between Laura and Ramona. Ultimately, they chose to vote out Ramona in a 4–2–2 vote. This post-merge has produced a lot of votes where three people are on the chopping block.

Aaron won the next immunity. This helped prove himself to Queen Noura because after his win, the Aaron and Noura pairing became a very strong alliance.

Then at tribal council, Noura played her idol for herself… and received absolutely 0 votes. After voting for her in the previous round, Brendan and Dirk somehow got Laura to vote with them in this one. They went back to the Galu well and voted for Edgardo. The voting bloc that ultimately made the decision in the last vote, the Crazy alliance + John and Edgardo, stayed together this time around too. They took their shot at Dirk and in a 4–2 vote, another pairing was taken down.

If Aaron and Noura can do it, they should ride it out with John and Edgardo for one more vote. After you take out either Brendan or Laura, you turn on the Galu pair at 5. Doing it at 6 is just asking for the three people left over to turn on your pairing.

Laura won the next immunity challenge. Aaron found the hidden immunity idol back at camp. Brendan’s behaviour also started rubbing people the wrong way. I don’t know why you would start acting like a dick so close to the end but maybe Brendan was hangry. He is very jacked and those muscles probably need a lot of calories.

The Crazy alliance didn’t listen to my advice. They got together with Brendan and Laura and voted out John in the next tribal council, 4–2. Now, there are three players who were formerly in pairs that are left alone. There is one concrete pairing, Aaron and Noura, left in the game. It’s logical that the three 1s are going to get together to turn on the one 2. Then again, Aaron has an idol so even if this situation arises, he has a 50/50 of protecting his paring anyways.

Laura won her second consecutive immunity, rounding into form as the endgame approaches. She has been on the outs the entire season but has managed to find ways to continue surviving and has even been a deciding vote in multiple tribal councils. She’s one to watch out for.

At tribal council, Aaron didn’t play his idol. I thought that was a risky vote but his intuition paid off. In a stupid, stupid decision, Brendan and Laura got together and decided to target… Edgardo. That left no choice for Edgardo but to go over to Aaron and Noura and vote out Brendan. It’s probably not the move he would have liked to make but at that point, Edgardo had no other choice.

Queen Noura won her second immunity challenge of the season, booking her appearance at final tribal council in the process. Am I crazy or could she really win this thing? That would be fantastic.

The uneasy alliance between the Crazies and Edgardo continued in this final vote-off. It was Laura who took the final hit, in a 3–1 vote. Laura was too big of a threat to allow entry into final tribal council. Instead, Aaron and Noura will take their chances with this one Galu and that could be costly too. Edgardo has literally never been in the majority. He’s somehow managed to find his way to final tribal council. That could be appealing to the jury who probably expected Edgardo to go home every round beginning at the final 8 and yet, there he is, in the final 3.

All three final tribal council members have something to offer and could be good winners. It’ll just depend on what the jury feels like voting for. It’ll also depend on how much laughing and talking over people Noura does with the jury questioning.

As if God himself heard my prayers, the winner of the season ended up being Noura Salman in a 4–3–2 vote. She managed to get Alicia, Sash and Laura because they “liked her more.” She also got Stephenie, who felt like Noura had played the most balanced game. Ramona and Dirk gave Aaron their votes because they felt he had the more balanced game. John also voted for Aaron because he felt like Aaron did best at jury questioning. The two Edgardo votes were from Ethan and Brendan, both of whom liked Edgardo the most.

Did you read that? Noura won the game based on her social skills. Take that haters, I always knew Noura was the ultimate social queen. Another social queen, Stephenie LaGrossa was voted as the Fan Favorite. Sounds like we got more Palau Stephenie and very little Guatemala Stephenie.

Next season is a behemoth, it’s going to be Heroes vs Villains. I’m still trying to piece together a suitable roster. Especially for the villains, who are harder to pen down in Fake Survivor. If anyone has any suggestions, my twitter is always open to your comments. I look forward to seeing how Fake HvV pans out, especially after Fake All-Stars played out so well.

A Tribe of One

The premiere spot for Survivor history and analysis ranging from Borneo to the current season.

Ianic Roy Richard

Written by

Sports fan and alleged analyst. Day one Survivor fan and reality television junkie. @atribeofone1 on twitter. For inquiries: ianic.roy.richard@gmail.

A Tribe of One

The premiere spot for Survivor history and analysis ranging from Borneo to the current season.

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