Back From the Brink
Or I just had the worst hangover of my life.
Most of us have been there…I think. It all started as a fun night. A time to relax and enjoy some drinks with your friends. A night to let off some steam and forget about all of life’s little annoyances. It starts with one drink, then two, and before you know it you are eating a pulled pork sandwich on the floor of your dining room floor underneath the table while your friends proceed to play beer pong. Sound familiar? Nope?…Okay maybe it is just me then. Now, it’s been awhile since I’ve been this drunk, but Halloween is a special occasion for me. It is one of my favorite holidays (behind Thanksgiving), and it is a night that I know will be filled with a disgusting amount of food, candy, and boooooze. My Halloween party is something that I look forward to for weeks. Even though it was just a small get together this year, I was still beyond excited to dress up and drink with some of my close friends.
Now, normally I try to be very strategic on the day leading up to a party. I tend to be a bit of a wuss when hungover, so I plan for that accordingly. My goal leading up to Saturday was to drink plenty of water so I could stay hydrated, eat food so I didn’t start drinking on an empty stomach, and say “no” at a good point in the night because I’m 25 and should know my limits, right? Well, I did one of those things. I did drink plenty of water the day of which I was hoping would help, but honestly I don’t think anything could have saved me from the pain I felt yesterday. The instant I woke up on Sunday morning a colossal wave of regret and nausea fell over me because I had, what I called in that moment, the worst hangover I had ever had in my entire life.
I may have mentioned before that I am a wuss (see previous paragraph) and I am definitely not lying about that. I love to give Marc shit for having a “man-cold” and making everything a much bigger deal than it is, but in all reality I milk the crap out of anything that I can. Typically this milking is only around Marc though as I try to act tough in front of other people. Who wants to be seen as the baby who can’t handle being sick? Not me. However, I know my puppy dog eyes and little red nose during a cold are just enough to get Marc to buy me soup and watch movies. My need to keep up a tough persona in front of others generally outweighs any sort of pain or sickness, but this time, even I could not hide the horrendous amount of pain I was in yesterday morning.
Typically after a night of drinking, the first thing I do is wake up, pop a few Advil’s, chug Gatorade like my life depends on it, and find the closest fast food restaurant to refuel with greasy, artery-clogging food that just seems to restore my soul. The morning of Nov. 1, 2020 was different though. Because there were a few people spending the night at our house, I woke up earlier than I normally would have after staying up until 3:00am the night before…I know, the sheer thought of me up until 3:00am is enough to make me question my own sanity. The first few seconds after I opened my eyes I remember looking around the room and trying to remember where I was. I was in one of those drunk sleep comas and everything seemed unfamiliar. Precisely 5 seconds after I woke up, my mind immediately flashed to the previous evening. The thoughts of Jello-shots, test-tube shooters, and Everclear punch came swirling back into my already groggy brain. At that moment I couldn’t decide if I was still drunk or if I was dying….
As someone who prides herself on being the hostess with the mostess, I mustered up all the strength I had to drag myself from my bedroom to the living room so I could sit with my guests. That 30 ft. movement felt like a marathon though. The blinding light of the rising sun (okay, it was really 10:00am) made me want to hide under a blanket for the rest of eternity, so with my eyes closed I stumbled to the couch and proceeded to flop down like a dead fish. In that moment, the worst wave of nausea hit and I could feel my head pounding with every breath I took….My guests were all entirely amused by my predicament as I laid in fetal position with my eyes closed listening to them eat donuts/kolaches and talk about the night before. My pain could not be contained as I fought every urge to “spill my cookies” on my poor living room floor. My mind was begging everyone to leave so I could wallow in self-pity and sleep the day away.
When everyone finally said their goodbye’s and hugged me as I laid on my deathbed, I finally felt like the worst was over. My house may have looked like a bomb went off inside (from what I could see during the 2 seconds I had my eyes open), but I was finally free to mope and nap to my heart’s content. Luckily, Marc was in a similar situation as me so we both proceeded to fall asleep and accomplish absolutely nothing during the day. I had the best intentions of having a productive day cleaning up from the night before, doing yard work, going to the store, and finishing laundry but I’m pretty sure the most productive thing I did yesterday was take off my makeup…24 hours later.
I am happy to report though that the impending death I felt yesterday is now a distant memory after 3 bottles of Gatorade, 2 ibuprofen, 3 naps, and a large order of Chinese food. There is just nothing a good cup of egg drop soup and plate of sesame chicken can’t fix. Also, just for Shelby, Marc and I did watch Hubie Halloween yesterday as we sat on the couch and contemplated our poor life choices from the evening before. Because I am older and wiser than I was during college, I have decided to take this situation as a learning experience so history doesn’t repeat itself. First lesson, I am NEVER drinking alcohol again….Just kidding. Those are always the famous last words of anybody who is hungover though! Second, it is way easier to just throw up the night before and get it out of the way while you are still drunk. At least then it is hard to remember and the alcohol is already gone from your system. Third, chug some water before bed so the dehydration is not as terrible. That was one of my biggest mistakes. Finally, know that I won’t even remember these lessons the next time I am drunk…
Happy Halloween ATF fam!
Originally published on November 2, 2020.
