But Is It Facebook Official?
Or we reflect on what our relationship statuses
Let’s talk boys. For the other pieces this week, we each shared an in-depth look at a meaningful relationship (whatever meaningful may mean to us), so to round out this week on relationships, we’re looking at what our relationship status is and what its effects, if any, may be. Relationships are weird, especially right now with a potential second lockdown happening, the stress of unemployment, and the state of the country and those in power versus those suffering. We’re all feeling a general need for companionship that is coupled with intense uncertainty, which makes things hard to move around and forward. Dare we say personal and work-related stress impacts our relationships???? We never would have guessed! Furthermore, we all have different ways of seeing, prioritizing, and moving forward in our relationships than each other, so we figured sharing our perspectives on our relationship status, and what that means for us, could be an interesting piece. Enjoy!
Kayla: Married…With Roommates
College. Job. Marry. Kids…. That is the saying my dad made me repeat throughout high school over and over and over and well, you get the idea. Good news though, I got the college, job, and marry part down! At this point the only logical next step is kids, right?….wrong. I’m thinking we are at least three cats, a vacation to Europe, and a possible bathroom remodel away from having children; however, we may not be married with children, but we are the next best thing — married with interns.
Yup, you read that right. At the moment the Vogelsang household seems to be bursting at the seams between the cats, interns, and Marc and I. We seem to have a knack for taking in stray interns over the summer. Instead of fostering cats or dogs, we open our home to interns who don’t have a place to stay for a short term internship. Our first experience was last fall with a student from Texas A&M University who was in Fort Worth, Texas for a fall internship. Two weeks before the internship started she had yet to find housing and desperately needed a place to stay. Marc’s mom was her professor at A&M and she was able to connect us. It was honestly a perfect situation and we could not have asked for a better roomie! Once she moved back to College Station in November, Marc and I both agreed it was a “one and done” (see what I did there?) situation. Well fast forward to June of this year and here we are again. This time though, we decided to get even more ambitious because now in the middle of a global pandemic. But wait, there’s more! (I’m channeling my inner Billy Mays) Drumroll please…..we now have two interns living with us, so our once large and empty house now seems much less large and empty.
To many, the idea of living with roommates after you are married probably sounds like a nightmare…honestly it may sound like a nightmare to live with roommates without being married, but we are making it work. Marc and I are very easy going for the most part or at least I like to think so. I promise my Type A, controlling nature only comes out every once in a while when the dishwasher is loaded incorrectly. Luckily, everyone pretty much sticks to their area of the house and we only see each other at dinner time when we are all trying to use the kitchen. All of the guest bedrooms are upstairs as well so they mainly stay upstairs while we stay downstairs. To be honest, the hardest part of having roommates again is reminding myself I cannot eat their food… two bites or less and it doesn’t count, right?
Aside from the interns, COVID-19 hasn’t had a major impact on Marc and I’s relationship. I have transitioned to full-time work-from-home so I no longer have a 1-hour commute (one way), but I also find it harder to keep work and home life separate. Overall, it has been good for our marriage though as we are now able to spend more evenings together to binge-watch trashy Netflix shows. Only two episodes left of Outer Banks! We also celebrated our 2 year anniversary “quarantine-style” complete with a home-cooked meal and rewatching our wedding video!
Because Texans just can’t seem to understand how to use masks or stay at home (get your shit together Karen’s!), cases are on the rise and unfortunately, I don’t see it slowing down anytime soon. So with that said, Marc, myself, Ayleen, Rory, Athena, and Thalia will continue to cohabitate and try to keep everyone safe. Wash your hands folks!
Shelby: I Don’t Know If “I Do”
Just because I love talking about it — I don’t know if I want to get married! I know, I know, in my other article this week I all but basically said that when I marry Zack… The problem isn’t Zack, it’s me. For today’s piece, we’re all talking about our relationship status and its effects. Hi, I’m Shelby, and I’m a girlfriend of five and a half years. No, we’re not engaged, no we’re definitely not secretly married (yet) — we’re just together, as we have been for half a decade now, for the entirety of my twenties so far. If it hasn’t become obvious already, I like to talk — about anything, and, probably more importantly, everything, especially the “taboo.” Not that not getting married is taboo, but in traditional families like his (and a nosey family like mine), it is rather odd. We had returned to rural Pennsylvania, where he was born and raised, and, just as any time, our relationship status was brought up, specifically as to why we weren’t engaged yet. Of course, it was in a teasing, joking way and I know that they’re asking it because they love me and love us together which is warming to know since they’ve become family to me too, all of which maybe makes it harder because I don’t know if I want to get married. Trying to dig deeper with them — something one should never do with conservatives — I said exactly that and, as you could surmise, it wasn’t exactly the right thing to say. No one jumped down my throat, but both of our parents’ divorces were brought as possible reasoning for not marrying. Sure, of course, we could all find some inkling of truth to our parents’ divorce as reason for not wanting to marry, but really my parents were not meant for each other and while it’s unfortunate, they actually handled the divorce really well and are somewhat friends to this day. As are Zack’s parents. So I was never dragged into court or made a spectacle of because my parents weren’t living together anymore. I was fucking thrilled for two of everything: Christmas, birthdays, everything.
I don’t know if I want to get married because finality and sincere commitment scares me. On top of that, I also grapple with the notion of marriage and feminism. Obviously there are so many amazing married women, men, and LGBTQ+ people who are also amazingly raging feminists too. But everyone views the constitution of marriage differently (here’s where familial divorces come in), and I am a firmly independent and untraditional person. I really don’t think I believe that I need some piece of paper and a judge’s order to mean we’re “as one.”
Many people do marry for the benefits, and rightfully so. I just turned 26, as most of you know, and was suddenly thrust out of benefits in the middle of a pandemic. Now that I have my job back, and at full-time, I get my own benefits, but I 100% understand why people marry for that reason alone. Of course, financial security too being a huge component, but that’s where I wane. I clearly don’t need financial security and I wouldn’t want whomever I marry to have the opportunity to take my resources from me, therefore prenuptial will be signed in any and all occurrences. Since, at least for the time being, I don’t need financial stability or benefits (though who knows where the retail industry is headed), I don’t see the need to marry. At this point, I think Zack and I are pretty damned committed — more so than many people who do actually marry. We have survived long distance, moved three times together, lived in a 500 square foot apartment in New York City, adopted three animals together, and have somehow made it through three months of lockdown together — I’m pretty sure we’re gonna be okay. In fact, the moral of the story, boys and girls, is that I would marry Zack. I could, and probably will, set aside my fear of commitment, my fear of paperwork, and my fear of less individuality for him because he’s just that great. Don’t worry, I’ve already begun planning our wedding and it’s going to pretty great. Two words: food trucks…
AMIÉE: Chillin In Sin
Mike and I have been together for about three and a half years, and we’ve been living together for a little more than two years. To be frank, quarantine has had little effect on our relationship. I guess we’ve been playing more board games and card games (Catan, Monopoly, Mille Bornes, Yahtzee, etc.), but nothing really feels different, which I guess is good. Since he’s been out of work since late March and I’ve been working from home for even longer, we’ve both done a better job at keeping up with household chores. There’s no more bickering about who’s supposed to load/unload the dishwasher, and there are definitely fewer concerns about laundry and such (since we mainly wear pajamas/athleisure all the time).
Man, we sound boring as hell. How can I “cute” this up? Hmm, I guess we’ve made pretty good headway on the Pixar movie challenge we started in November! Yes, much to Mike’s chagrin, I decided that we would watch every single Pixar movie in release order. We only have four left: Coco, Incredibles 2, Toy Story 4, and Onward. All good ones! The only reason we’ve put off Coco is because we (read: I) want to do a theme night with Mexican food. (Problematic? Probably).
I keep seeing all these people getting engaged, and I find it kind of strange. People are out here dying, whether it’s from COVID-19 or simply from having pigmented skin, and you decided that now was the time to propose?! Also, so many 2020 weddings have been postponed to 2021. Y’all really think these venues are going to be able to accommodate two years worth of weddings in one?
Okay okay fine, you got me. I’m mainly upset because I kind of really want to get engaged myself, but the timing just doesn’t feel right for us. Like I said, Mike’s on unemployment, for goodness’ sake. I also really don’t want to be the next person in my extended family to get married. My family is messy as HELL; everybody is always up in everybody else’s business. On top of that, we’re always looking for an excuse to party together, and a wedding is the perfect setting for that. The last family wedding was my brother’s, in December 2015, so everyone’s chomping at the bit for the next one. My goal is to try to get engaged a little while after one of my cousins (or even my sister) so that they can take most of the limelight and I can kinda lay low. Not sure if it’ll work, but we’ll see!
I guess the fact that I don’t have much to say about my relationship itself is a good thing? We’ve been pretty content with each other for a while now. I sometimes find myself in awe at how easy this relationship has been. He was the first person I met off Tinder, the first person I dated as an adult, the first SO I’ve lived with…and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Maybe we seem like an odd pair to some, but I’ve never once doubted that Mike is the person I want to be with.
