Dear Diary

Or, here’s some random excerpts from our friendship journals

Kayla Vogelsang: There are friends that come and go, and then there are friends that are around for life. Meme (AKA Aimée) and I have known each other since preschool, but it took until middle school for us to become “besties.” Actually, I’m pretty sure she liked my sister more than me when we were younger and only invited me to her birthday parties because she had to.

Aimée Heath: …No comment.

KV: It’s true, but I hold no animosity towards her!

AH: When I look back on our friendship, I can’t help but think of our journals. In 8th-10th grade, one of our favorite pastimes was having sleepovers at Kayla’s house and writing in these two old journals she had. (See below…and look closely).

BOTH: These journals…were wild. We talked about boys, we talked about band, we talked about frenemies, and we drew some pictures (most of them very R-rated). The journals hold memories of the best of times and…the absolute worst. I think the 3 main topics were love interests, their balls, and farting. We kept it real classy! Please enjoy the following selections from the notorious journals.

#1: Kayla’s Epic Fart

AH: Why were you farting on me?! Also, I love this reference to our FAMOUS and wildly inappropriate MadLib entitled “The Beatles Do Stuff.”

KV: Why did I ALWAYS have to fart?

AH: The world may never know…

#2: Time Capsule — Open In 10 Years!

KV: I may have had to venture into the depths of my 100° attic to find these journals, but it was well worth it. I never thought we would actually read these things years later.

AH: It’s blowing my mind that you said “in 10 years” and like…it’s literally 10 years later. We’re oldddd.

KV: Clearly we have nothing better to do with our lives.

AH: Too true! But at least now I have a real boyfriend and am not hopelessly (randomly) obsessed with George Harrison’s old ass son.

#3: Kayla’s…Wedding Night?

AH: So the context for this one is that we were joking that you would marry one of our guy friends and discover on your wedding night that he “stuffed.” Absolutely insane!

KV: Note to all the readers that we were both virgins and had never even kissed a boy.

AH: So cute that we thought you’d wait until the wedding night to see a man’s penis!

KV: True love waits…for no one.

#4: Aimée’s “Secret” Crush

AH: I was so obnoxious. Also, during this time I always liked the same 2–3 guys, so I’m sure you guessed in about 2 seconds.

KV: I was always guessing your love interests, but I’m pretty sure I was always right.

AH: I think this one was about Danny, who VERY much had a girlfriend. Again, we knew how to keep it classy!

KV: The only thing I remember about Danny was how he once ate an entire bowl of jalapeños at a BBQ restaurant and all I could think was, “Man, he is going to have some fiery poops!” AND we were all in a coach bus afterward. Not ideal.

AH: OMG I almost forgot about that! The kids we were in band with…

#5: Fun with Lipstick

AH: …This is all you.

KV: First, I’d like to point out that my spelling has gotten much better. Second, James Guin is definitely none of those things. Especially ‘mzing (pronounced mmm-zing).

AH: “‘Mzing” still gets me to this day!

#6: Secrets of the Practice Room

AH: I’ll try to keep this brief, but basically, in 8th grade, we had a secret “club” with two of our guy friends that met in a small, windowless practice room/closet in the band hall.

KV: Don’t worry, the band director eventually figured out how problematic that could be and we were forced to vacate.

AH: Yeah, Mr. Pugh was def suspicious, and rightfully so. It was called “GNIWTAA,” which stood for “Girls Night In with T and A” (names omitted). And the main event was always…breast-ketball. *eye roll*

KV: Did I mention problematic?!

AH: So, since I had boobs, they would each try to throw little pieces of paper into my cleavage. Pretty disgusting, I know. But funny to our 8th grade selves!

BOTH: Another shared interest of ours in 8th grade was Lisi Harrison’s YA series The Clique. If you haven’t read them, they’re definitely a good time. One thread that runs throughout the series is the main character, Massie’s, habit of writing in a journal. At the end of each day, she shares a “Current State of the Union” chart that shows what is “In” and what is “Out” in her life.

AH: Before we started writing in these journals together, Kayla wrote a couple “Current State of the Union” entries of her own…

KV: I’d like to point out that the “tequila” being referenced above was a nickname for a boy and not the actual beverage.

AH: Remember when that girl Jennifer told us she was drinking tequila at school? We had NO idea how to handle that information!

KV: YES! She came to class drunk one day in 8th grade and said she was taking tequila shots in the bathroom. My mind was blown.

AH: More on that girl and that class another time…

KV: P.S. the Walter I am referencing is in fact the boy that I dumped at the 8th grade dance.

AH: I also love that Twilight was “In.” Throwback to me dressing up as Edward when I went to see the movie for a third time!

BOTH: To close this off, we thought it would be fun to do a truly current one of these charts. Without further ado, here’s our “Current State of the Union”:

IN: Cats!, Actual Tequila, A Trust Fund Newsletter :)

OUT: COVID-19, Twilight, Adulting

Originally published on July 14, 2020