How Has White Privilege Impacted You?
Or how hilarious it is to be a white person.
I’m struggling to find the right words about anything and everything these days. I’m so flabbergasted by both the horrorshow of a country we are and how I was blind to it for so long. When I originally pitched the idea, I thought we should do a week on white privilege, each sharing a piece about an experience (or many) where our white privilege changed the outcome. Undoubtedly, for myself at least, there was no experience — that was just life. I was, and probably always will be, an upper-class white woman. That’s not an excuse, but it’s definitely a fact. My entire upbringing has been shrouded in white privilege. As of late, I’ve been more able to recognize that and identify specific instances I can’t take back, but my entire existence is based on white privilege working.
In coming to terms with that, I grapple with the thought of even being worthy enough to speak on this matter. I am the enemy. I can sit here, as I am right now, sitting outside in a very well off neighborhood of Columbus, in my private backyard, listing to Oasis and drinking Riesling and smoking a blunt, while writing, because I have basically zero responsibility. Sure, I was at work for six hours or so today, dealing with bullshit after bullshit that capitalism brings, but no, I have nothing else. In fact, I’ve literally never have needed to truly work for anything in my life that now that things are hard (not being on my parents) I don’t want to do anything about it. No one reads ATF? Well fuck it, ladies, I’m out! Just kidding, but the thought has come up. And even because, despite all that, I really am trying to be a better person, at least I hope so, I still don’t know if it’s anywhere my place to speak for this movement.
Then I’m reminded that that’s bullshit and that’s me deflecting responsibility — which is everyone’s — to encourage and support, in any capacity, these crazily necessary changes. Please know that I’m fucking here for you — I’m there for you, babe — and I know my main ladies here are too. We will fucking shout our throats out for you and I will donate soooo much money to all the things. I’m here for you. And in being here for you, we’re committing to telling you some crazy as white people shit that we’ve been subjected to. Enjoy.
Shelby’s Education:
Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of the Montessori way of schooling. I’ve mentioned it a few times before at ATF, but I was educated from birth to eighth grade the Montessori method of teaching. Hi, I’m Shelby, and I’m a Montessori kid. Allow me to name some fellow Montessori alums: The two dudes who invented Google, Jeff Bezos, and fucking Taylor Swift. I need to make clear that there were 100% children and families of color at my school because this, at least directly, does not have to do with race — it has to do with money, which is obviously a predominately white group of people. Michael Jordan, for example, sent his children to my actual school (in the Chicago suburbs) and Beyoncé is also a Montessori alum. But those are suuuuch specific and awesome people and those are basically the only examples of people of color, so it doesn’t count. The point I’m trying to get across is Montessori produces a weird set of people that include but are not limited by the Mr. Monopoly man in Bezos, literally Google as a thing, probably a sociopath in Jordan, and me. Like, what?
I must say, I have 0 talent whatsoever and understand completely that those aforementioned people are incredibly successful in their own ways, far beyond me. But I do find it ridiculous that all those people, and myself and my brother, attended the weirdest institution for educating children. It was, just barely, cult-like. Perhaps the main reason is the exclusivity that exists with how expensive of an education that is — I’m fairly certain one year of my schooling was around $12,000, which is just insane for the fact that we did literally nothing all day long.
Let me tell you what Montessori is all about. They phrase it so compellingly — learning at your own pace. What does this mean? There are no consequences and really no reason to have “consequence” because of the way they have things rigged. Generally, there are three grades in one classroom — whether that’s first through third or fourth through sixth. Physically I mean there are probably 25–30 kids in one room considered our classroom, with two “teachers”, and the hippiest way of teaching ever. We could literally do whatever we wanted. Sure there were “lessons” scheduled throughout the day, where the teacher pulls all the children from one of the grades (so the first graders all gather up while the second and third graders keep on rocking) and we attempt to learn something new, but when those aren’t happening we could be working on whatever we wanted to. I could be chilling reading while Sydney works on crafts, while Aimée and Kayla do something far superior like practice math skills. And this mentality continued into seventh through ninth grade too. Literally pubescent children are allowed this freedom and are expected to maintain boundaries. Jesus Christ, one day in eighth grade, I was soooo emo, I just laid on the floor in the ~aRt RoOm~ because I had cramps — the whole fucking day. I legitimately kid you not. I “dated” two boys out of our MAYBE 15 kids cause I was horny af and we would make out in the fucking chicken coop, in the basement of the literal house our “school” was in. It was mayhem.
To bring this full circle, my parents (nay, my father) paid loads of money to send his two children to this for the entirety of their childhood something only white privilege would allow. Of course, that elementary school was a feeder school into the similarly exclusive and perceived “better” (aka white) high schools which led to me private universities then on (two of them too!). At Montessori, I learned an invaluable lesson: I could do and be anything I want, which is incredible and desperately needed for all children, but with no cost. There was no homework or tests, other than the state mandatory tests until we were in the middle school equivalent, and even then what the fuck were they going to do? Kick us out? *Insert Ray Liotto laughing at the club in Goodfellas* Yeah, sure. Not at fucking $12,000 a year. This is why it’s too easy for me to just quit when the going gets tough because I was told I could. I’m fucking working on it and you will continue getting ATF in your inbox even if we stay at twelve readers and a 40% opening rate. FUCK IT THIS IS MY CHILD NOW.
And that, ladies, gentlemen, and all you fun people, is why white privilege is fucking crazy.
Aimée’s Transportation:
If you’ve been following my ATF journey, you know that I’m literally a descendant of a plantation founder. So, my white privilege is certainly no secret to me. I could ramble about it for hours, but I think instead I’d like to share one particular anecdote with you all.
I’ve also mentioned before how I studied abroad in the fall of 2015 in Rome, Seville, and Paris, and how I was present for the terrorist attacks on Paris on November 13. After that happened, there were (naturally) some restrictions on travel in and out of Paris, and around western Europe in general. A couple of weeks went by, though, and I made plans to go see one of my closest childhood friends, Umme Hanie, in London for a weekend.
Umme was living in Manchester, so London was a great midpoint for us (also, it’s London — I obviously wanted to check it out). We chatted back and forth for a few days about travel arrangements, where we’d stay, what we’d do, etc. I kept mentioning how I was worried about traveling in and out of Paris so soon after the attacks. I really believed that I would have trouble at Customs, especially since I was a foreigner in both places. After listening to me whine about these fears on the phone for a few minutes, Umme finally cut in: “Meems, you’re white.” It shut me up real quick.
You see, Umme is Indian American and a rida-wearing Muslim. If she were traveling to Paris (which I think might’ve been our original plan, if I remember correctly), she probably would have had some trouble at Customs. ISIS was blamed for the attacks on Paris, and ISIS’s members are Muslim, so MuSLimS sHoULd bE fEaREd, riGhT? Obviously, wrong. But racial profiling at airports and train stations is very real, and Umme had every right to be concerned about potentially traveling to France at that time. I, however, did not have any business thinking something would happen to me during my travels to the UK. And you know what? Nothing did happen. I had an easy trip to and from London on the Eurostar train (which I 100% recommend, btw) and never had to think twice about how I might get harassed because of my appearance, my clothing, my religion, my skin color, or my nationality.
As glad as I am that I grew up in a diverse community and went to diverse schools, it definitely gave my young mind the impression that we live in a “post-race” world. I’ve been friends with Umme since first grade, and never once until this incident did any real discussion of our racial differences occur. To hear her so plainly articulate that I inherently have an easier time going about the world really was a wakeup call. Nowadays, I like to think that I’m much more aware of my white privilege, but, as with anyone, there is always more work to be done.
Kayla’s Minority Mentality:
The older I get, the more I realize how much white privilege has played a huge part in my life. It is something that I have become much more cognizant about in recent years as I have matured and had time to reflect on my childhood (I say that like I’m so old…). I am constantly thinking about instances where white privilege played a significant factor in my reaction or thoughts about a given situation. Just the other day, I was thinking back on one particular class in high school, and all of a sudden warning sirens started to go off in my head because I realized it is just one more example of how white privilege has played a drastic role in my life.
Cypress Lakes High School holds lots of memories for me… Notice how I didn’t use an adjective to describe that noun? It’s because there are too many that I could use (fond, painful, embarrassing, disturbing,…well you get the idea). It was the place where I developed my leadership skills in FFA, learned to drive a car (in the parking lot), got called into the principal’s office for the first time, and had my first true “ghosting” experience. Damn you, Chris Stuart. It is also one of the few places I have been where I was part of the minority.
The current demographics for Cy-Lakes are as follows: 57% Hispanic, 23.7% African American, 9.2% white, 7% Asian, 2% Two or more races, and .9% Native American. While these may have changed slightly since I was a student, I believe they are mostly consistent. Even though I was part of the “minority” at Cy-Lakes, I never remembered thinking it was odd and most importantly I never felt ashamed for being part of that minority.
One class in particular really stands out to me now: Mr. Brown’s 9th grade World Geography class. I absolutely loved the class and all of my fellow students in it. Mr. Brown was an awesome teacher who was very interactive and pretty young/hip with the times. We got to play lots of games (come on, I know everyone loved Jeopardy day in class) and watch movies/videos. I also enjoyed my fellow students in the class and made a lot of friends; however, it was the first and only class I have ever been in that I was the only white person in the entire class. I remember even earning the nickname “white-girl” by my peers and being told I was the whitest person in the class. At the time, I thought it was hilarious and even used the nickname when referring to myself. Not once did I think of it as a derogatory phrase or something to be ashamed of.
This brings me to my recent epiphany and the warning sirens I was referencing earlier. Even when I was considered the minority, I never took offense to the comments on my race or my “whiteness”. That’s because I have never attributed being white to being a bad thing and most importantly, I have never been ashamed of being white. As someone who is white I have almost always been part of the majority and never dealt with direct racism. It is yet another example of how my white privilege has shaped my life, and looking back, I am ashamed of how ignorant I was to it.
I know I still have a long way to go in terms of truly understanding my privilege and I honestly feel like I have no place speaking about it today since I can’t fully comprehend it; however, I think the first step is acknowledging the privilege exists and finding ways to learn from past situations. It is my daily goal to continue gaining knowledge by learning and reflecting on current and previous events.
Sydney’s Hesitation:
Shelby here again — this topic is convoluted and difficult to talk about it, difficult to address. Sydney has decided to refrain from sharing you piece in today’s collab because she doesn’t feel she has a worthy post yet and I, and ATF, respect that wholeheartedly. At ATF, I will never force someone to write something they aren’t compelled to do or don’t feel comfortable joining in. Sydney is working on her examples of white privilege and will hopefully share them with us when she feels ready. Love ya girl!
