Marriage Managed: Seeking Friends for the End of the World

Or, how do childless Millennials make new friends?

Is it that time? Is the end of the world really coming? We are almost at a full year in quarantine due to the pandemic, the Capitol building was raided, and Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are reportedly getting divorced…So, I don’t actually think the world is going to end, but my sentiment still stands. The title of this pieces makes me feel like I am posting an ad on Craigslist or something, but I truly wanted to title this piece “Couple Seeking Couple”; however, I didn’t on the off chance that someone would think Marc and I were swingers. Not that there is any problem with swingers, but Marc and I just don’t fall into that category. We do fall into the category of a young couple trying to figure out one simple question: how the hell do you make friends as an adult? More specifically, how do you make friends with another couple/couples as an adult that are not already in your existing friend group? This is a question that has plagued us for years now and truthfully we still don’t have a good answer for it. So I write to you, our readers, because lord knows someone else out there has an answer to this question. Please send help!

Now, let me preface this by saying, we do have friends! We actually have a good “couple friend” that lives five houses down. On most days, they are truly our saving grace because we hang out with them all the time! Mostly I hang out/drink wine with Kendall all the time and the boys hang out by playing COD (Call of Duty) online together in separate homes….men. However, Marc has known Brandon since college. They were pot-luck roommates during a semester-long internship in Washington D.C. and actually hit it off immediately! Marc and I were already dating at the time, so I actually met Brandon before I ever knew Kendall. Once we moved to Dallas after college, we found out that Brandon was living up here and started to become friends with him and his (then) girlfriend, Kendall. I instantly clicked with her, and I definitely had a little friend-crush. Over time, we have just gotten closer as friends, so having them buy a house so close has been amazing!

I give everyone that backstory because at the current moment, the only reason we have any friends in Dallas is because of them. Yup, true story. If we didn’t know them, Marc and I would actually be friendless in Dallas. Kendall has a lot of good friends in Dallas and through her I have become good friends with many of them as well. She has actually introduced me to all of my friends here! Thank you, Kendall…

So basically, Marc and I got lucky. We knew one couple who have literally introduced us to all of our friends. Without them, quarantine would have pretty much made me go insane. I would have had nobody to walk with, drink wine with, or gossip about the hottest Netflix shows with. At this time in our lives though, we got lucky because we moved to a place near friends. Since becoming “couple friends” and by nature of that friendship becoming friends with their friends, we have not actually become friends with anyone else on our own. We have been in Dallas since 2017 and still haven’t met any new people. So, my question still stands, how do you make friends with other people as an adult?

To that question, Marc and I have a few answers. The first, though entirely not where we are in life right now, is simple — have children. I guess a lot of people make friends with other parents as they meet them in PTA meetings or at sporting events. How else do you put up with the little Rugrats except by making friends with the other parents so you can vent about all of the hardships you have to endure to take care of a tiny human being? I long for the day that I too can hang out with other parents, make cookies for a bake sale (if those will even exist in a post-pandemic world) or set-up for a school field day, but alas, those days are long off. Since Marc and I are a long way from having kids, mentally and with the help of modern science in the form of an I.U.D, making friends through children is something that is just not in our playbook right now.

Another way we have been told to make friends is through church or some sort of religious group. This, like having kids, seems like a super valid suggestion. Heck, I used to have a lot of friends from my childhood youth group. Unfortunately, Marc and I are not very religious these days and the thought of going to church just does not interest me in the slightest. I haven’t been to church regularly since I was in early middle school and I have no intention of starting anytime soon. If that is your jam though, I do think it is a great way to make friends. You are around a lot of people who have similar beliefs and morals (one would hope) that you do. Plus, people of all ages attend church! Young adults, people with kids, grand parents, millennials… There are a plethora of people to pick for a friend! Going to church is just not a strategy that I plan to use at this time.

I guess that leaves me with the last idea we have had. This one seems like the most logical, but something we have both struggled with — trying to make friends at work. I know many people who have coworkers that are good friends but up until now I have found that to be difficult. Marc is (or was until recently) the youngest person at his company by 10–15 years. All of his coworkers had children and were in a much different stage of their lives. At my first job in Dallas, I too was one of the young employees. I had a few other coworkers who were around my age but they were all men. I’m definitely not saying that men and women cannot be “just friends”, I’m just saying that I never had the urge to ask them to grab a glass of wine after work and gossip about Bridgerton. At my new job though, all of my coworkers are young women! It truthfully has been such a blessing so far because I truly like each of them! The hard part is that I haven’t met any of them in person yet! We talk to each other often on Zoom and through Microsoft Teams, but we have never gotten the chance to meet out of the office. My hope is that I will get to meet them all soon because I just want to be their friend!…but not in a creepy way.

So, while Marc and I enjoy the childless period of life we are currently in, we will continue to joke/question how young couples make friends. Do they all just have kids? Does everyone go to church? Are the chances for friendship more plentiful at other jobs? Hell, is there an app we can download to make friends? These are the questions I may never know the answer to. So until we decide to buckle-up for the joys of parenthood, we will continue to annoy the shit out of our existing friends and our cats by being super needy…Well, at least I will.

Originally published on January 14, 2021.