My First Kiss Went a Little Like This…
Mwah and twist.
*Cues musical prelude*
Kayla and ***** sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Kayla with a baby carriage…. Lord knows I am so glad that is not actually the direction my first kiss took, but we all know the nursery rhyme above. Little girls would sing it at recess during elementary school just waiting for their “true love” to come sweep them off their feet. A first kiss is something that I always thought would be a magical moment. I pictured being swept off my feet by my Prince Charming and riding off into the sunset together because, after all, a first kiss is a huge deal. I dreamt about finding the perfect guy to share in that special moment — while also simultaneously hoping he had good oral hygiene. Unfortunately, my kissing virginity clock was ticking away as I made it to junior year of high school and had still never been kissed.
Yes, I was starting to feel like I was destined to end up like “Josie Grossie (Geller)” in Never Been Kissed. I knew I was going to end up as a middle-aged woman who still had not had the pleasure of lip-locking with an immature boy underneath the stairwells during passing period. The more I saw my other friends experiencing their first kisses, the more I was determined to figure out a way to get mine out of the way as well. I could not dare leave high school without ever kissing a boy, let alone finish junior year. My pride and my reputation were at stake!…Well, I’m not sure if anyone else really cared except me, but you get the point. So, I made it a mission to find a way to get myself out of the terrible predicament I was in. I needed to find a way to have my first kiss.
I’ve pretty much always been incredibly Type A. I like to have everything planned and organized so that it runs smoothly. I never want to leave anything to chance and I always want to be prepared. So, when I set my sights on having my first kiss, it was only natural that I make every possible preparation. In the world of a high school girl, these preparations included ALWAYS carrying Chapstick (Burt’s Bees you da real MVP), watching Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging on repeat (because how else does one learn to perfectly snog someone?), and…I’ll admit it…practicing. ON.THE.BACK.OF.MY.HAND…*inserts facepalm emoji here*. Do people even still do that? God I hope not. Who ever thought that was a good practice recommendation? And why did I think it would even help?! I hope I washed my hands really well first because eww… I digress though. At this point, I felt prepared to face my first big smackeroo, but there was only one problem. I still didn’t have anyone to kiss me.
All the preparation in the world didn’t matter at this point because I still had not found the soul to share in that special moment. As the weeks passed on, I anxiously waited to find someone I could call my boyfriend, or at least start talking to that would hopefully lead to successful lip-locking, but my options were slim to none. I was starting to panic that I would go off to college without ever kissing anyone where I would be mocked and ridiculed for being incredibly lame. Luckily, my “prince” did decide to finally make an appearance. I use the term prince loosely…One day I was talking to my neighbor (whose parents threw the infamous Halloween parties), Bryce, and I casually told him that I had never been kissed. I think at this point I did have a slight crush on him, but in a super I-never-want-to-actually-date-you kind of way. Once he found out I still had not kissed anyone, he did something I had absolutely not ever planned on. He told me he would kiss me.
I was shocked. I had always dreamed of having my first kiss with someone I was dating, or could possibly see myself dating l, and it was supposed to happen naturally under the glow of moonlight or after the winning touchdown at a football game (sike, our football team sucked). The thought of planning my first kiss seemed so unnatural, but I was beyond desperate at that point and knew I needed to act quickly and just get it over with. We decided to meet up one day after school to “hang out”, and it was actually super easy to plan since we lived across the street from each other. Leading up to the day, I was so nervous. Would I be a bad kisser, would it be as special as all the movies made it out to be, would there be lots of saliva?….spoiler: yes. Unfortunately I did not have much time to worry because the day of my planned first kiss quickly arrived.
After school, I anxiously waited for my neighbor to get home. I peeped out the kitchen window waiting to see his car pull into his driveway. When he finally got home and texted me to come over I pretty much had a panic attack while walking the 50 ft. to his house. We both knew we had at least a couple hours until our parents would be home, so that was plenty of time to “do the deed”. When I got to his house, all I can remember is the incredibly awkward tension that was radiating around the room. Who plans their first kiss? Apparently I do. At first, we tried to just hang out and chat, but that quickly became more cumbersome than either of us could bear and so we decided it was best to just get the show on the road. Bryce took me up to his room (don’t worry, this story is only rated PG-13), sat me on his bed, looked deep into my eyes, and gave me my first real kiss.
Was it magical? Nope. Was it anything like in the movies? Sorta. If you have ever actually seen Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging there is a scene where the main character gets kissing lessons. That is basically exactly what happened to me without the coaching. My first kiss wasn’t exactly a small little peck. It pretty much turned into a full blow make-out session with lots of tongue action….and saliva. After about 20 minutes of making out we both decided that I had sufficiently lost my kissing virginity and it was time for me to make the short walk of shame back to my house.
Needless to say a lot has changed from that moment. I’m still 1,000% Type A and like to plan everything out as much as possible, but there have been many more kisses since that day. It is honestly so crazy to me how we can build up one moment in our lives so much only to have it pass just like any other day. I was so set on having the perfect first kiss, planning it out, waiting for the right guy, but when it finally happened it was pretty average. I am super lucky though to have had such an awesome neighbor to take it upon himself to give me my first kiss. Thanks for helping me plan the “most special” day of my high school life.
To all the lovebirds out there, with Valentine’s day approaching, it’s time to prep those lips and get ready for a steamy make-out sesh with your boo. And if you don’t have a boo, don’t stress about it. Pop a bottle of wine, put on a rom-com, and settle in for a cozy night!
Originally published on February 10, 2021.
