How to disagree and not be an uninformed jerk

Because how and why you disagree is as important as the thing with which you disagree

You don’t agree? Well, let’s burn this mother to the ground!

We often default to one of two types of disagreement. One, in many cases you just can’t do it at all; the absent disagreement. Ideologies are so important and so protected that in some areas, like political parties or religious denominations, any deviation from the standard is tantamount to betrayal, compromise, sacrilege, treason or even subversion. The other type, the wildfire disagreement, is a total scorched earth argument that attacks the very existence of the person with whom we disagree. I remember watching television with a Republican, who, after hearing the opinion of a Democrat on a completely off platform topic that had zero impact on society other than whether or not a bridge would be built somewhere, replied,

She’s an idiot. Typical liberal.

Well then.

Disagreement in a free society ought to allow people to…

• Express their thoughts as valuable solutions for society’s needs
• Provide viable and varying answers to questions
• Make accountable those people and processes that are the status quo
• Test the sturdiness of an idea
• And probably most of all, let people live freely

Allowing people to think differently than you is freeing, but it’s also another subject, which you can read about in, “lower your blood pressure by letting things go.”

What’s important today is how you and I can disagree without being total jerk nuts.

When you disagree, identify what informs you.

Generally speaking, you either are or have received your different opinion from one of four options:

1. The well educated and informed source. This could be a PhD atheist or a PhD Christian. Regardless, the person has some credentialed authority by which they speak. We aren’t talking about who is right or wrong. We are just pointing out that two differing opinions can come from highly educated and skilled people. It’s not as simple as, all the dummies agree with you and the smart folk agree with me. We have to remember that people who differ from us aren’t cavemen. They’ve studied and thought as deeply as we have. Pick up a book by someone that thinks differently than you. All those pages are complete hogwash? Nothing is accurate, and there’s zero validity to anything they say? Doubtful.
2. The thinker. This person doesn’t have authority to speak, but they are known for their thought. I have a relative that’s a public servant. He has no credentials to explain to me why Bernie Sander’s economic plans are accurate, but he’s extremely well read. I disagree with him a lot, but we find common ground in our deepest philosophies because we both attempt to be well read. I can respect him because he cares and has a desire to find the truth.
3. The repeater. The lower you descend in this list, the more delicate you should be in your disagreements. You have no authority, you’re not well read, and now you’re just repeating. Bills O’Reilly and Maher have no authority, but they are already level twos, and now their viewers are just repeating them. At this point it’s just a tribal fight. My team versus your team. People who fight at these levels don’t care about the outcome because they don’t really know it. They know that Glenn Beck told them Obamacare was bad so they shout loudly that it’s the end of the country. They were told Jesus was just a copy of Mithras, but they haven’t bothered to find out if that’s been debunked.
4. The squatter. This person has been a believer in whichever ideology they’ve held since birth. You ain’t changin’ em, so don’t get to botherin’. Everything here is purely emotional and often brought out of fear. If a woman were to become president, it would shake the foundations of their faith. It is because it is, and if it’s not, it’ll be bad. Why? Because.

You got Schmidt on your face

So, if you’re informed, we’ve solved half the problem. Don’t forget the jerk part. Here are a few principles to live by when disagreeing whether in heavy issues or just simply determining where to put the couch.

1. Be gentle. You may be more informed, and they may be slow to agree. No guns. No blazing.
2. Remember that you might not be completely right. There’s this chance that your opinion isn’t right.
3. Be prepared to be right and lose. You may have to tell them the sun doesn’t revolve around the earth, and you’re not getting your way for a while.
4. Remember they might have a different perspective even if they are wrong. There are no monsters under the bed, and your kids is crazy for thinking you need to lower his bed to the ground. But give him some leeway here since he’s speaking from a place of fear. Give people some mercy.

Disagree. Find the truth, and don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. But let’s make sure it’s an intelligent opinion and doesn’t look like Kylo Ren just got some bad news.