Onterrible
Home.
Well Vancouver has been home for eleven years now but we both grew up in Ontario. It’s not that terrible. I kid. It’s a west coast joke. I have good memories.
I miss fall in Ontario. I miss wearing shorts and a t-shirt at night. I miss family and friends, but I love Vancouver. Something about it struck a chord with me the first time I stepped off the airplane to visit Jenny.
Every time I leave Vancouver for any period of time, I always find myself longing to return. Even as I write this now, I’m comparing it to all the places we’ve stayed. I’m wrapped up in the things I miss (and hate) about it.
I’m going to have to come to peace with that because we won’t return until 2019. Better get used to it.
Right now, we’ve got a month before our ‘real trip’ to reconnect with family and friends. I am actually looking forward to that.
What I hate about visiting Ontario is this:
Yep, at least 25 hours of driving to visit spread out family and friends. About half as many kilometers driven as it took to cross the damn country!
If you’ve never moved away from your hometown, you don’t know what it’s like to ‘come home.’ It’s exhausting. You leave feeling like you need a vacation from your vacation…every…single…time…
There is an unwritten rule in society. You’re the one who moved away, so the onus is on you to make the effort to see people when you’re around. The onus is not on other people to travel to you.
You’re lucky when someone makes an effort to meet you at least half way. If you have done this for me (us?), thank you.
If you’ve never had to do it, you likely have a hard time empathizing. Time is finite and you have to organize yourself around the schedules of others. This means tradeoffs and compromises. It takes practice, it feels like work and there are always people who fall through the cracks.
I don’t expect anyone to drop everything they are doing because I’m home. I’m not that important. It would be a little easier if people were a little more understanding about the logistics. I hope the above paints a decent picture.
The process is difficult and I do feel terrible every time I don’t get to see someone I had every intention of seeing.
Quality Not Quantity
Let me be clear. This is not me complaining, I’m explaining. I’m trying to explain to a large group of people who may read this, how difficult it is to see everyone I would like to see. How difficult it is to see all the wonderful people I’m fortunate enough to have in my life.
We may not talk every day. We may not talk every month. I may only see you every few years or once or twice in the last ten. I’m happy when I do see you.
If I didn’t get to see you in September, I’m sorry. If we didn’t get to visit this time (you know who you are, we likely spoke), I hope to see you next time. If I don’t see you every time I am home, it does not mean you’re less important to me.
It’s just logistics. Please look at the logistics of that map. If we didn’t bring the car, we’d be hooped. I often don’t have my own vehicle when I’m in Ontario.
You can’t see everyone. Not in a month. Not in a year. This is life. It’s cruel, it isn’t fair but we cope. I don’t like you any less. If we didn’t have a chance to interact this time, I hope we can next time.
I don’t want to sound overly apologetic. I just realize that sometimes you need to tell people you appreciate them, even if only in a group sense.
I could announce I’m home. Pick a central location for a get-together and if people can make it, they can make it. If not, c’est la vie. This attitude feels self important to me. It feels disingenuous.
Not only that but everyone has jobs, family and other commitments. It’d be asking a lot to do this every time I’m home. Everyone deserves to have my undivided attention when we’re together.
It is nice to see a lot of people quickly in one place but you end up engaged in a lot of small talk. The flip side is quality over quantity. This trip through Ontario has only further reinforced my belief in this principle.
I had an opportunity to prioritize some small group time with a few people. People I’ve never spent that kind of time with. It was really nice. We usually only see each other at large gatherings. I had some wonderful conversations that provided a lot of perspective and clarity.
I learned a valuable life lesson with this. Large gatherings are enjoyable, but they can feel a little superficial. Look, I like a party just as much as the next person. You get to spend a little bit of time with a lot of people. There are games, some drinks for the adults and a lot of remember-whens. I get to act like the cool uncle or distant cousin who’s fit and has a lot of energy. You can cross off a lot of boxes at one time. It’s fun but different.
When there are four to eight of you, the connection is totally different. When you have an opportunity to just talk for an hour or two, it’s totally different. The entire flow of the conversation is unique. You have the time to dig in and ask questions. You can develop a much stronger connection and more profound understanding of the people around you. I need to make this type of interaction a focal point when I return to Canada.
It feels good to give your undivided attention to someone and receive it in return. I learned a lot about people I realized I didn’t really know that well.
What Else Went Down
I’m going to skim over what else I did in Ontario because it’s not as important as what I just said above. I don’t want to talk about specific people because I feel weird talking about other people in blogs. It’s on social media somewhere if they wanted it to be known.
- Went to a Fair & a demolition derby in West Lincoln
- Visited charming Winona/Elora/Guelph/Gananoque/Strathroy Ontario for many dinners/lunches and occasionally breakfasts with family/friends
- Went to African Lion Safari for my first time
- Swanked it up at Shangri-La in Toronto for a week thanks to my lovely wife and her work commitments (I’m used to 3-star hotels so I think it’s hilarious to roll up to swank hotels in a Ford Focus)
- Played a lot of basketball on my parents brand new paved pad (FYI: I would have gone pro if this existed when I was a kid, I hated practicing on gravel for 14 years)
- Went for a hike at beautiful Ball’s Falls
- Finally back to Toronto for a few nights before the big flight to Munich
