Four years after graduation

At the time of writing I am in Amsterdam but by the time I publish this I’m going to be starting my new life in Bali with Achos! This is 4 years after graduation. I highly advice to grab a cuppa, better yet a beer. Fuck it, why not a mojito!?The Kennedys.

I need to confess, I was avoiding writing about The Kennedys experiance. One of the reasons being that it’s “fucking nuts” and I don’t think I have the writing skills to try and explain this chaos and madness. You will not find a drop of objectivity in this article. I’m sure Caitlin, Spencer, Coco, Bendan, Anna or Aida would tell you a different story but here’s mine in a nutshell…

Act One. Hearing the news that you are excepted to The Kennedys can only be described as “trippin balls”. The excitement of meeting the rest of The K’s, the expectations of the new life, the moving to Amsterdam, the absolute unknown and obviously the opportunity to work in one of the biggest advertising agencies in the world, it’s crazy right? Here I was, just a small town girl livin’ in a lonely world & finally my midnight train to W+K arrived. A bit exaggerated. I love my small town livin’. That’s how it felt tho, a break-trough that I never expected.

The first time I entered trough the doors into the reception of W+K. It’s magical! I couldn’t believe it, I still can’t. I felt like I was in some surreal universe, that this was a movie scene, a dream. I remember sitting with the rest of The Kennedys and listening to Alvaros & Judds intro presentation just in awe. They were sooooooo cooool! I’ve never met people like that before. Radiant in confidence, character and joy.

All beginnings are hard. Just to remind you, I applied to the K’s four times. In that time, I have build some really high expectations of what K’s are gonna be like. How all seven of us will be crazy and always working together, how we are gonna party in the house and how we are all gonna become best friends. I know, right? Did that happen? Yes but not that quick. First we all had to adapt to the new environment of Amsterdam, then we had to get to know our new work place and third we had to get to know each other.The first few months were really tough. I missed my friends, family and felt very alone in the new city of Amsterdam. Even though I love Amsterdam to bits but the weather here can be very grim, worse than UK. There would be days and weeks when we wouldn’t see the sun and had to bike in the rain for 20 min. I was struggling with my creative voice and was feeling quite shy about the ideas that I had. Quite fast, everyone developed ‘groups’ or did their own thing and I felt left out. This combined with my general anxiety of not being good enough & the feeling of being ungrateful for the opportunity that I was given made me ill and emotionally drained. Nothing new in Gretas world, hey?

Coming up. After Christmas something changed. We all came back different, especially the house (Caitlin, Brendan & Spencer). It seemed that we all suddenly realised that we have become friends. It’s funny how that happens. Once four strangers in the house, now a dysfunctional family. (You too, Lewis)

Everything in between is a blur. I remember we all worked hard, stayed in W+K late, chilled on the weekends, we all got involved in each others projects. Things definitely were different. W+K started feeling like home, so did Amsterdam.

I had to lie! The best thing that Judd & Alvaro asked me do was LIE! I’m not going to go into the details but it was the most liberating experiance! Not that you should lie a lot, but as Snask said “Pink Lies” make your life better and really don’t cause any harm. Strangely, after lying, I lost all fear of presenting or talking about my ideas! Thanx guys! I thought this was important to mention. (A bit random, I know, I’m only learning to write guys, story structures are haaaaaard).

Anyways, in the last few months I grew so much. I was involved in more projects around W+K, felt a lot of support for my personal ideas. I started feeling my advertising legs and even started to believe that this was the right thing for me. Slowly tho, a question started circling around as the project was coming to an end; Do you wanna stay here?

El finale. I’m not gonna lie. I was confused. I was learning so much in W+K, I felt that it was the place that showed me new opportunities, filled with many amazing people + it was so safe & cozy like a mothers womb. On the other hand, I was just finding myself. I knew this is just a beginning of my new creative chapter. The golden age has begun! I couldn’t make a decision, until the decision was made for me.

Deep in my heart I knew I won’t stay. Even then, it was heart-breaking. I don’t think I’ve ever cried all night — ever. Not even over a guy! As I write this now, I smile. Only recently I came to a realisation that if you’re not sad about leaving — it didn’t mean anything, you haven’t met anyone to miss. That’s why I’m glad, I’m sad. W+K meant so much to me, and still does. Nothing is forever, everything is temporary.

SideCast.

I guess I have to mention this somewhere. I had an idea to start a podcast about passion projects. It was inspired by Alvaro early in The Kennedys when he said; never ask what people do, ask what they love doing! Even though I had the idea early in the days, I couldn’t think of the right name. I asked everyone for help but it felt a bit forced…I was about to give up and just choose one when Judd casually (as he does) looked at me after I explained why I haven’t started it yet and said; what about SideCast? I had no more excuses! Yet again, it was Coco that pushed the final button. Somewhere at the end of The Kennedys Coco turned to me and said; I think we should just start doing this now. So we did! I messaged loads of people around W+K and asked if they would be willing to have a chat about their side projects — many got involved. The rest is history and you can listen to the interviews here.

This project is really special to me and Coco. It brought us closer together. It helped us make friends and find out more about people, the way they think outside work & get inspired! We want to continue doing this but we are not gonna lie, it’s hard. Coco now is freelancing as a photographer/film director in Amsterdam and I’m, well, I’ll tell you later. We want to travel the world and interview more people in Berlin, Brussels, Paris, London, New York, Portland… We also want to do events and start supporting other side projects! However, we need money! We would love to keep this ad free that’s why we need your support! When I say support, I mean actual financial support. Even if it’s $1, it means so much to us! You can help us trough Patreon! Thanks guys! Thanks to Alvaro who is our first Patreon supporter, what a gem!

Purgatory.

Wait, what? So what happened after The Kennedys? (This is becoming ridiculously long and I’m very aware of it, stay with me tho.) You know that place in chatolic religion that you have to go to before you go to heaven to undergo purification from sin but it’s this in between land? That’s how I felt after The Kennedys. It felt that something major has finished and something is supposed to start but you’re not there yet.

In the Clouds. After The Kennedys, I got a job as an Art Director in cloudfactorybased in Amsterdam. It’s a small creative advertising agency that works with brands such as Heineken, StrongBow, Booking… They are proud makers, crafters and dreamers! I was in a very strange period of my life when I got their offer. I will forever be grateful to Sandrine,Jess & Sandeep for giving me the opportunity to be part of their family even if it was for a while. In the three months I was there, I worked on some really exciting projects, one that will be live on their Instagramaccount in September — go follow them! It’s nuts! It also gave me a better understanding of my skills and that I had something to offer. Thanks guys! Till next time!

The dream.

The dream. “Beach. You overstayed. Once you decide to leave — it’s empty. But it’s not that late? It never gets so empty, especially not during the golden sunset. You hear the sound of a an engine. You turn. In the horizon you see army planes. You panic! Sudenly you see the planes dropping bombs! Panic sets in, you run towards the exit! The entrance is blocked by a huge fence. The plains are getting closer. You hear the announcement through the speakers but it’s in a language you don’t understand. You keep running tho you don’t know where. You spot a bunker. You run towards it! You knock, the plain is close. You see the coast on fire. Someone opens and pulls you in. You fall into darkness. The sound of chaos fills the emptiness. Suddenly, your whole body floods with a feeling of peace, calm and love. It’s too dark. You stay silent and listen to the sounds of fire. You drift off. Suddenly You’re awake. It’s so dark. You can’t really make the faces of the strangers that surround you. You don’t feel scared. A sound of silence. A warm voice confirms that it has ended. You flinch. The voice is so familiar tho you know you’ve never heard it before. The moonlight dusk shines on the silent beach. As you stand on the dune overlooking the sight wondering; Why only when the world is in chaos, you find calm… “.

Maybe I’m still dreaming. I’ve heard of stories when people are effected by powerful dreams but this was something else. It really changed me. I can’t explain how. I used to say; Trust The Universe. I live by that now. I’ve noticed that everything in your life is really connected. Things that don’t seem to make any sense in one point, will find meaning in the future. I sound like a hippie. I’m not sure what to make of all this but I have a feeling I should share this.

Bali, fear, guts and Achos.

Last year, I started my “3 years after graduation” article with a chapter called “№1 The Skype chat with Achos”. As I said; “Things that don’t seem to make any sense at some point, will find meaning in the future”. Today is the future. That Skype call, apparently left an impression not only on me, but on them as well. We met in Barcelona, a week after they offered me to work with them in Bali!

It’s funny how things change. Recently whiles interviewed in a radio show, the host asked me how I’m not scared to make these changes that ofthen are financially & emotionally challenging. I confessed that I am. I’m scared. The move to Bali, even tho many think is great, yet leaving Amsterdam, my family, friends and security behind is scary. Those thoughts can capture you in a prison of anxiety and believe me I had many moments where I considered not going. Even though, every brave act has brought so much into my life. Every struggle has made me stronger. There will be times when it’s hard and you’re in pain but as Kanye said; The most beautiful thoughts are always besides the darkest.

Here I am sipping coconut & rum cocktails at the beach, as the waves wash the shores of Canggu together with Benjamin & David, my new achos, I wonder what other challenging & wonderful things are hidden in the universe, still to be unraveled…