First year after graduation
I recently realized (duo to wonderful Facebook reminder) that it’s been a year since I graduated (BA) Graphic Design in Leeds College of Art. It made me think about all the good times, all the people that have graduated this year that I had the honor to meet and all that will graduate afterwards…
I suddenly felt the urge to reflect, look back… Obviously that made me nostalgic to all the fun times, all the work, the experience. Obviously missing UK as it’s been almost a year I’m working in Lithuania, my home town — Klaipėda. As well as missing the people, some that I still get in touch, some that I don’t… Obviously some of the amazing tutors that have supported and inspired me (Shout out to John Watters and Matt Burton). First the feeling in my chest got heavy. Then it got worse as I remembered the ‘after graduation’ interval — which was f**k’n scary and dark…
Before we start I just want to encourage all that might read this post (especially those that have recently graduated) to share their own experience. Especially if you had one as bad as mine. Don’t worry it gets worse before it gets better…
The history
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As a student I was quite rebelious. I didin’t fit into the ‘system’, always questioned most of the things, it seemed I could never finish one project right, had difficulties with some of the tutors, concentration or even making decisions… Anyways, it was hard but I had a lot of people that believed in me which helped this foreign Lithuanian student with all these crazy ideas — experiment, fail and get back up. And as all students I BELIEVED I’m gonna be a rock start bad-ass creative person, once I leave people are gonna be waving around job offers with AMAZING projects ….. Because I felt different… So things had to be different for me right?
The battle is real…
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As you can expect — big dreams of a pink elephant. I left believing that I was ‘ready’ to rock the creative industries aaaaaaaaaaand…. nothing happened. Before graduation as a summer thing I worked for this set-design studio, then went on a trip with friends and graduated…. Afterwards I was broke, in dept , no clear idea of where the f**k do I start this amazing carrier? I was failing all my freelance projects due to lack of experiance but refusing to get a ‘normal job’ to earn some money and then figure things out. Depressed of all the monotony, sleeping on my friends couches and constantly needing to borrow money from my parents — I went back home to Lithuania. Straight afterwards I got savvier depression and panic attacks. I was living in my brothers flat trying to figure things out and constantly drinking anti-depressants. Work kept me going. I kept getting small gigs that just kept my mind away from things — no financial success. Considered quitting design, started thinking it wasn’t for me, especially that all my graduate friends, more or less, were doing placements and actually going places. Some of them even opened successful design studios. I truly felt as a failure in life. Creativity has always been a big part of my life and now I just hated it. I hated myself because I forgot myself; I didn’t know whom I was or where I was going. I felt as if I disapointed all the people that believed in me and helped me…. bad eh?
It keeps getting worse both in my personal and professional life. I had to move back with my parents, the studio I worked in shut-down, I was actually making myself ill. I just couldn’t take care of myself at all, I had no one to lean on. But I kept working even though working in McDonalds seemed a better option than continuing with design.
The changing of the mind
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One day I decide to start going to the gym, to rollerblade more often, to be part of community, to have more play-dates with my niece, to sart meditating, to officially become freelance, to rent a desk in a photography studio, to get rid of clients that were just negative vibes, to stop jugging myself for all the failures, to pay attention to other people more. As all this happeed I started getting more projects, even tho I didn’t have a portfolio update or even a cv, apparently people started recommending me. I started a fashion project with one of my best friends that came back from Norway. We even did a passion project for the first time in my home-town. I tried to get one festival as a client — failed (at first), got it at the end. I signed one of the biges brands in my home town. I had great colleagues, many of my clients have become my friends. I’ve learned to care for them. I now love the projects that I do, I hope each one helps and inspires. I appreciate so much more members of my family and the support that I receive from all the people around me.
So I still work as hell, I still sometimes feel that I’m failing and I’m sure I will feel that many times but now I know that:
1. things take time. No, you are not old and you haven’t missed out if you are in your 20’s or even 30’s or even 40’s or even 90's… it’s just never too late…
2. plans don’t work out the way you expect them but they work out the way you work towards them.
3. just’t give yourself a break sometimes.
4. decide what you WANT. And the universe will solute you (James Victore).
5. NEVER ever lose yourself and if you do — just go and find yourself again.
6. appreciate the people around you and just learn to love the place you are in.
7. see the person next to you? It is your responsibility to make their day the best it can be.
8. you never reach a break tough point when you ‘made it’ — you just keep challenging yourself, keep learning, keep trying, keep reaching higher and most importantly ENJOY the process.
9. after the lightning strikes, the thunder sound follows just seconds later. Same with projects….
10. everyone created their own rules, sometimes your rules might be exceptionally different — doesn’t make it wrong… just makes it unique.
11. it takes time.
12. don’t follow people, let the ones who want to be — be.
The end or is it?
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A year after graduation I feel that I have went trough a lot of emotion, a lot of change and a lot of realization and now since I understand that life is not this sprint or this ‘achievement’ it’s a work in progress.
I just hope that if you are struggling trough ‘after graduation’ stress — this will inspire you to keep going YOUR way, don’t quit just because everyone around you is more successful — they had their challenges… everyone does. Don’t quit on yourself, be brave, be strong. Life is wonderful and full of greatness if you choose to see it…. Best of Luck.
Greta
