Pondering Posthumously Returns To Bore You

What is it about the French language that makes people of other nationalities take so much trouble to get the pronunciation just right and worse, look down on those who haven’t? I mean, the French themselves don’t give a damn about any other language! Take a simple word like croissant, for example. Over the years, I have heard people pronounce it as kroisant, kroisont, cressawn, cross-awn, cwosson, crwosson, khwaaswon and so on almost twisting themselves into knots in the process! The more complicated one makes it sound, the snootier the look on one’s face. Dammit, it just means ‘crescent’ in French, because of the shape. Why can’t we simply call it that? Just ‘crescent’, saving much trouble and confusion. Huh?

Just when I enter a South Indian restaurant, my nerves turn taut. Powerful little impulses get dispatched everywhere like a thousand-foot soldier working in unison. My pulse rate quickens, nostrils flare up and eyes bright up. Every cell from the very depth of my body seems to call out

In one voice and eager anticipation

“Madras filter coffee”.

So with the much-needed vigour I entered Sangeeta’s. Towards the end of the meal, someone from the back shouted ‘kaafi Nahi Hain!’. I was scared and turned around immediately with fear and wondered how can they not have coffee. Turned out some north Indians were trying to convey to the waiter that the sambar(not sambur) wasn’t enough( kaafi nahi hain ) and they demanded more. Gleaming with joy I turned around to concentrate on my masala dosa…

They shouldn’t have, on the room service menu, things like ‘Mille Feuille of ice cream’. How can any sensitive fellow possibly place an order for it? Should he ask for Mill Fuel? Meal Foweel? Millay Fewill? Or perhaps Meal Foo-eel? Who knows? In a restaurant menu, it’s ok, one can simply point to it & mumble ‘Er .. this!’ But out here … is it not terribly dangerous? I mean to say, what if the room service lady giggles at our pronunciation, dash it?

Some thoughts after watching a film award function on the telly.

1. The advent of the young Pandey girl is not good for us. Not only do we have to contend with her sitting in the front row making faces, but it also seems to have brought Chunky Pandey out of cold storage with fresh enthusiasm.

2. I guess most celebrities have Obsessive Compulsive Attention Seeking Syndrome but clearly, Ranvir Singh has more of it than most. Even when he’s in the audience, he wants to be the centre of attraction.

3. The Ranvir-Deepika twosome has shifted from ‘hottest’ to lukewarm, over-the-top and slightly irritating couple.

4. Karan Johar was not around, so thankfully there were no awkward sexual innuendos and the mandatory gay talk.

5. This deliberate addition of comic ‘noises’ to a scene to show us it is comedy is so archaic. And adding those to an award function telecast is inane!

6. Interesting new ‘backward’ dance step, Karthik Aryan’s ‘Dheeme dheeme…’ song.

Please try it during the weekend and post a video and tag Aaveg.

This was written in collaboration with Morpheus.