How to bluff your way through the new Star Wars movie
By Jessica Haynes
Admitting you’ve never seen a single Star Wars movie is akin to saying you don’t like Seinfeld or that you never got the hype of Game of Thrones.
So, if you don’t have time catch up on every single film, here’s your guide to bluffing your way through the latest Star Wars film, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, which will hit cinemas on December 15.
WARNING: This contains spoilers, obviously.
A quick guide to the movies
The movies are a series of science fiction flicks by George Lucas, which you already probably know.
But the story wasn’t told in linear order.
The first three films released in 1977 (Star Wars: A New Hope), 1980 (Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back) and 1983 (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi) are episodes four, five and six.
The next three released in 1999 (Star Wars: The Phantom Menace), 2002 (Star Wars: Attack of the Clones) and 2005 (Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith) are one, two and three.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which was released last year, is episode seven, and picks up 30 years after Return of the Jedi.
The next two (VIII and IX) are due for release in 2017 and 2019.
A quick glossary
Droid = robot.
Lightsaber = laser sword.
The Force = a magic power that lives through every living thing.
The Jedi = a group of people who use the Force for good, to bring peace and harmony.
The Sith = pretty much the opposite. They use the Force to gain ultimate power.
So what actually happens? And make it quick and in the proper order
Ready?
Episodes 1–3:
- In episode one, we meet Anakin Skywalker, who was born without a father (sound familiar?) and who has heaps of midi-chlorians (don’t ask) which allow him to use the Force like a boss. He meets Obi-Wan Kenobi who sets him on the path to becoming a Jedi.
- Jedi aren’t allowed to get married, but when Anakin grows up he marries Senator Padmé Amidala, because #rulebreaker.
- Unfortunately, Anakin goes to the “Dark Side” and turns against Obi-Wan Kenobi and the rest of his Jedi friends.
- He then becomes Darth Vader. You know him, black mask, breathes a lot.
- But, before this, Anakin had two children with Senator Amidala, twins Leia and Luke Skywalker.
- Senator Amidala dies giving birth, and the children are separated to prevent Darth Vadar from finding them.
Episodes 4–6:
- Luke was sent to live with his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru on the planet Tatooine.
- Leia, meanwhile, was raised by Senator Bail Organa on the planet Alderaan. She’s now known as “Princess Leia”.
- It gets a little awkward when Luke and Leia meet again as adults — they soon find out they’re related, but not before they kiss.
- They help fight the evil government, the Galactic Empire, as part of the Rebellion.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda (small green guy, talks in mixed-up sentences) teach Luke how to be a Jedi.
- Things happen, and the Empire is defeated.
- Luke helps his father Anakin become good again just before he dies, because #hope.
Episode 7:
- Thirty years on, the Empire rises again as the “First Order”. But the New Republic (the good guys) doesn’t pay much attention #badidea.
- So Leia leads the Resistance.
- Her son with Han Solo, Ben, now known as Kylo Ren, has been corrupted by the First Order.
- Rey, a desert scavenger, fights with Han against the First Order, but Kylo Ren kills his father (gasp!).
- But the Resistance still gains a big win against the First Order by destroying its Starkiller Base (a giant base that can destroy stars).
- Rey then goes looking for Luke who is missing. It turns out he was searching for the first Jedi Temple to get a bit more knowledge about the Jedi.
And after that? You’ll have to actually see Star Wars Episode VIII.
So what’s this new one about?
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is not the next in the series, but a spinoff story based on the Rebellion’s moves to steal the plans to the Death Star, a moon-sized space station which could destroy an entire planet.
The film is set just before Episode IV, the original film.
Feel like some more info?
See our helpful charts of every scene from I-VI .
You might need to use the Force for this one though.
And if all else fails, you can brush aside any questions your colleagues might have with a “see it I must” and if someone mentions Jar Jar Binks, make sure you laugh.
Originally published at www.abc.net.au on December 13, 2016.
