When Did You Stop Feeling Beautiful?
I read that question and very sadly, it was one I could answer right away.
“When did you stop believing you were beautiful?”
I was 15. I began on a slippery slope of comparison and fell to the bottom where I was a “chunky girl who wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention.”
I was depressed for much of high school and bits of college so it’s only now I realize that I also felt unlovable because of my lack of beauty. I had been filled with numbness and part of that was due to feeling “too much” for anyone.
WHY did I stop feeling beautiful? What brought on the demise of my healthy body image? How did a healthy sized girl become weight obsessed and think she wasn’t good enough because she didn’t meet a certain weight?
I think it started slowly by comparing myself to the high school beauties. Add on top of that studying the fashion world and seeing poised, crazy thin models on every magazine page. I was nothing like those girls. And somehow I believed that this meant I was not beautiful.
So I decided to change that question. In a way that would empower me [and in turn empower you, dear reader] and hopefully begin to tear down those misguided beliefs.
“When did I START believing I was beautiful?”
This seems like a much better question because it forces us to decide IF we believe it. If not, then what is the key to beginning a relationship with yourself that is full of love and cherishing every bit of YOU.
I love women like Tess Munster and Gala Darling who dare to love themselves no matter their size or status AND encourage women to do the same.
It was never one day where this mindset clicked and I became confident immediately. As with anything in life, the journey to loving one’s own beauty takes time and perseverance. I choose to surround myself with beautiful women (not superficially, though to me, they are supermodels) who are uplifting and generous. Other upstanding women who see beauty as more than skin deep and in that, are able to know their worth. Their own beauty. I would say that this is key in my journey to kindness toward myself.
I can say that today after working to overcome a ridiculous mindset, I truly feel beautiful. Who am I kidding? It’s a daily choice to believe this. I don’t feel drop dead gorgeous every day, but I try and tell myself I am.
My husband loves to remind me how gorgeous I am to him, but it took me BELIEVING him to ever see myself as he does.
And that took a lot of stripping away every lie I believed about how tight my stomach should be, how razor thin my thighs should be, and how angled my cheeks should look. And don’t get me started on my constantly overly sweaty pits…I’m serious!
So let’s make a pact. You and me. We are GOING to believe we are beautiful. And that doesn’t mean one day out of the week when we feel good about ourselves. EVERY day we are beautiful.
