A Privilege Called Parenthood
If you have read my story Ah! The extraordinary act of being ordinary, you know that I am currently enjoying the bliss of a sabbatical. Most of my time is spent on writing, reading and a whole lot of self-reflection. In the process, I stumbled upon certain observations and realisations about parenting that I would like to share because they are so basic yet completely overlooked and I want to start with a question
How many of you feel like as you are getting older, you are turning more and more into your parents? even embodying traits that perhaps you once disliked
I would believe, it’s the case with most of us. A testament to the effect that our environment has on us.
That being said, I would still hold to the fact, that I am an entity unto myself, with my quirks and idiosyncrasies making the larger part of who I am. So how did that happen? If I was ‘raised’ by my parents, why am I not a perfectly balanced mix of just the both of them? How have these unique personality traits or habits or behavioural patterns managed to slip through the cracks of the solid wall of formatted, well-defined, secure and structured parenting?
The answer is simple —It’s in the inherent makeup of humanity.
Now I speak not as an expert but as a solitary parent navigating through the challenges of modern parenting, trying to improvise and learn and share so I will say this:
Every time a new human life takes birth, it’s the birth of another complete individual endowed with intelligence, instinct and boundless potential. A powerhouse of immense capabilities and possibilities, more receptive and sharper than us grown-ups (because we are tainted or conditioned by our experiences).
But far be it from us parents, to realise this, because we start planning for their college funds on day 2, after the initial euphoria of day 1 subsides.
I am a parent and I do empathise with the pressures of modern parenting but I also believe that in this pursuit of perfection and excellence, we stifle the essence of their childhood— their right to choose for themselves, make mistakes and learn.
Instead, we are relentlessly focused on conditioning them with our limiting beliefs so that we can produce more of ourselves! (So much for growth and development !)
The other day my 11 year old, walked into my room saying he wanted to speak with me. Curious, I sat him down and was internally gearing up for what was about to come, absolutely sure, that he had gotten into some trouble at school. Anxiousness brewing, I looked at him and he said
‘It's you’. I was taken aback. He continued, rather calmly, ‘ I did not appreciate the way you snapped at me in front of my friends during the last sleepover, I know I was being difficult but it would have been nicer if you had had a chat with me separately, away from my friends’.
I was speechless at the way he handled this. Struck by his composure, I realised at that moment, that this reaction wasn't a reflection of me,(I am anything but calm )but rather a reflection of his innate growth and instincts, that were not shadowed by my personality.
What a wonderful man he can grow up to be should I allow him to be free of my preconceived notions and prejudices.
Children will bloom the best,
- When we stop raising them and start nurturing them.
- When we respect their opinions.
- Allow space for them to use their instincts and make decisions.
- When we step back, just enough to catch them if they fall and let them lead.
- Let go of our inherent need to tie their success to our own.
- Build the trust of a friend by sharing their mistakes and failures as much as their achievement
- Learn from them because they have a lot to teach
- Give them the best possible environment to flourish and grow
We as parents are blessed with the extraordinary opportunity to witness a new life unfold in front of our very eyes and we have the privilege to see this life grow in so many beautiful different ways.
Our job perhaps is to be present, be available, be the guide, be a friend and they will seek us out every time they need us.
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Happy reading!
