About Me — Anne , Josephina , 孝瑩
Mother of 2, wife of 1, middle sibling of 3, physical therapist, mental health therapist, first-generation college grad, immigrant and daughter of.
December 27, 2021
Bio and background:
I was born in Venezuela, but I currently live, work, and benefit from the stolen land of the Ohlone people in Northern California.
I am ethnically Chinese. That sometimes confuses people when I tell them that I spent part of my childhood in South America. People often think I am from China which I have never even been! For decades, my maternal grandfather and Uncles worked in a grocery store in Mexicali, Mexico. The Chinese diaspora in Latin America is often untold (That will be another story).
We didn’t experience racism in Venezuela like here and we were welcomed by the community. But at the age of six, I was sent to Hong Kong to live with relatives I never met. I’d think my parents gave me an explanation. But I don’t recall any. That may explain one of the reasons for my general anxiety 😟, to be plugged out one day from your family as a child. My family and I reunited in Hong Kong after a year apart. This practice of sending children off is often done in the Chinese culture for education and love (That will be another story).
I don’t identify as Chinese Venezuelan but as Asian American as I consider U.S. my home. I have three legal names. My American name is Anne. My Spanish name is Josephina. My given name is How Ying. How means “honor one’s parents, elders”. The How is a prevalent driving force in my life in which I took care of my husband’s grandmother until she was 100 years old and my mother with early Alzheimer’s until she died at home (That will be another story).
For a long time, I was ashamed of my Chinese name and heritage. I did not want to be seen as a “foreigner” in America. That was why it was important for me to change my name when I immigrated to the U.S. at the age of ten. I thought white people were superior and we were the deviation. But I soon find out that I can never un-other myself because of my skin color and how I look (That will be another story).
My earliest memories in America were reading official documents, writing checks, and translating for my parents at a young age. That also meant I cut classes even when the school called. I translated from the answering machine (that was a thing then, landline with answering machines).
“ Oh, that was just someone wanting to know if you want to buy insurance, mom.”
We grew up alone in U.S. with my older sister (13) watching my younger brother (6) and me (10) since our parents worked long hours seven days a week as immigrants. We learned to figure things out on our own and didn’t know how to ask for help, at least for me. This is one example. One day our two pet hamsters were stiff and not moving when we cuddled them. They must be too cold. My sister and I had a great idea on how to keep them warm. We put them in a tray and turned on the oven…
Education/Career/Family
I worked through high school, including weekends, so I didn’t do the typical teenager activities. I worked as a cashier and delivered groceries to isolated seniors in their homes. So the most unlikely people became my friends. In college, I got a job ( GRATEFUL to a very kind customer’s help and referral) working with older patients in a hospital. I fell in love with this population. That led to a beloved career in physical therapy for 30 years. It was the relationships that I had with my patients that I cherished the most. So, I had forgotten about other dreams: to be a writer or a psychologist.
I have been married for 30 years to a man I love most of the time especially when he brings coffee to my bed. People often say they are married to their best friend. Not so much for us. I remind my husband that he is not my best friend. And vice versa. Whew. The expectation of being his all is not a weight I want to carry. Nor do I believe one person can be everything to someone (That will be another story).
I have two children, ages 22 and 27. They are the love of my life. My daughter is one of the most influential people in my life. As an older teenager, she opened my eyes to colonialism, patriarchy, meritocracy, capitalism, and mass incarceration. And much more. Parenting is also the most challenging job that I have ever faced. I could write a book on 101 things on what not to do. (Many stories about that).
I fell madly in love with Ebony, 🐶, a 17-year-old hospice dog that we adopted earlier this year. During the pandemic, she rescued us with her never ending 180 degree wags, expressive ears, and love for us. Ebony received her angel wings last month. She represented all the hard things during Covid made easier. I never thought a dog could wreck my heart like this.
I went back to school three years ago and got my Master’s in Marriage and Family therapy. During my program, I found creativity and joy in writing papers, yes, even research papers! It was a surprise when my professors affirmed my reflection papers. One particular professor encouraged me to pursue my interest in writing and played a role in amplifying and championing my voice. So here I am. Isn’t that what we all need, affirmation to live fully?
One of the reasons I switch career is because my body wasn’t going to keep up much longer with the demands of physical therapy. The other reason is that I benefitted from therapy myself. It is taboo for my generation and an Asian American to seek external help. I began the hard work of processing some emotional trauma. I began to learn things like regulating my emotions and practicing assertiveness in my 40’s. It’s not too late!I became a better human by understanding myself (That will be another story).
My hobbies and passion
Hiking, traveling, reading, writing, being in nature, spending time with good friends and family. And of course, COFFEE!
My Commitment
Teacher and student of myself, the practice of compassion to others and myself, the practice of social justice, the practice of seeing each person holding multiple truths, and strive to embody Angelou Maya’s quote:
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Thank you for taking the time to read about me!
If you are interested, here are some of my other stories:
