About Me — Camille Cordova
Awkwardly daydreaming since 1995
Hey, fellow dreamers!
First of all, this publication is such an amazing platform especially for a newbie like me in Medium. Truly grateful to be part of a community where writing is a force to be reckon with!
I have been in love with writing since I was 5 years old. That’s how far as I can remember since apparently, my mom kept my first handwritten letter which was my gift to her during that time.
It was a sparkly pink stationary containing a short message written in all caps and has quite a magnificent finale — ending it with a misspelled phrase screaming -
“HAPPY BIRARTHDAY MAMA!”
As the years went by, I honestly just considered being a writer as a “private” thing since I did not really treat myself like one. My state of mind was like- “It’s only me and my diary against the world!”
I was holding back.
I was too afraid the world might get disappointed with all the craziness going on in my head. And without even knowing it, I became a captive of my own thinking whenever I limit my mind’s creativity in translating such emotions into words.
Growing up, I was that adrenaline junkie type of kid. No one can ever see me staying in one place for more than a minute.
I drowned myself with everything a school has to offer. Student government — check, journalism — check, quiz bees — check, theater — check, singing/dancing competitions — check.
It was like I was literally everywhere. (If breathing fire was an option back then, it was possible I could have done it too!)
After graduating from my University with full spirits to head on for my dreams, I felt lost in finding my purpose and direction as I learn to grow out of my comforts through the ups and downs of my journey.
Life is beautiful.
But yep, the world could be really tough out there.
I once heard in a podcast that “The person you will be in five years is based on the books you read and the people you hang around with today”.
And as a young adult being part of a generation people call as “Millennials”, makes me realize that being at this stage in life is really crucial.
This is a time where I’ll be growing and learning through the skills and experiences I am and will be acquiring - that whatever content and knowledge I consume will eventually hone the person I will assume.
With a constant pressure from “society” to be “significant”, I suddenly found myself forcing doors to open though I was holding the wrong keys.
Well, it appears that such misplaced confidence mixed up with insecurities could really be a recipe for an emotional disaster and I learned it the hard way.
But last 2019, a defining moment woke me up when I was stuck at a crossroads. It was a night when I couldn’t sleep because all my senses suddenly became like a roaring audience waiting for me to take that last saving shot at a basketball game.
With all my fears and courage combined, I took the shot.
It was a 90-day Book Writing Challenge.
I threw away the comforts of my blanket and fearfully but willingly stepped onto cold grounds. I decided to pursue my passion for writing and since then, my life shifted in ways I never have expected.
Writing gave me the courage to immerse myself in all possible opportunities of still learning and conquering either in victories or difficulties. It made me seek out discomfort and gave me a brighter outlook no matter how rough the road may get.
Truly, amidst all the worldly noise I was exposed to growing up and out of my comfort zone, it was my deep passion for writing that brought me absolute peace and serenity.
It was my hideout from the crowd.
My go-to place where I can listen to the silent screams of my heart. Writing is like having an invisible mentor. I get to hear my heart’s own pains and also responsible for healing and breaking such chains.
When I write, it is only by then I can escape the unseen force of both being and becoming. And eventually, it becomes a warm blanket covering me like autumn leaves falling harmoniously while hearing clearly the soft whispers of calm sanity.
I have never felt so much peace and so much joy like this in the longest time!
As of the moment, I work full-time for a French fashion house brand based in my home country. But the second I have my short breaks and rest days, I always choose to spend time with my pen and paper. But of course, since we’re in a digital generation now, my laptop is now my partner-in-crime in that case.
If I’ll be given a remote control which I can use to rewind and see who I was 3 years ago, I may probably see a girl who gradually hides behind a mask of smiles yet still not confident about herself and had no clear direction on where she wanted to go in life.
She can’t avoid of feeling insecure since she thinks she’s still not enough compared to her peers. She doesn’t know why she keeps on repeating her mistakes. She still continues to stumble and fall amidst all the times she stood up.
I was imperfect once upon a time and I am still now.
But as I go through every stage in my journey, I had to do something about it. Fast forward to now, I honestly feel better about myself than I was a year ago, or a few years ago.
I know I still have a long way to go but I also believe that I am not alone in this fight. And whoever you are reading this right now, I want you to know that I believe in you and in the power of your dreams. Just like what the High School Musical cast once said, “We’re all in this together!”
