About Me — Elizabeth Estabrooks
This is me
I will get the “this is me” issues that people may have with me out of the way first: I am an unapologetic feminist, a progressive (liberal), and a women’s rights activist and advocate. I’m adamantly for reproductive choice, immigrant rights, and an increase in women — and especially those of color — in our political, corporate, and media spaces.
I don’t say “I’m sorry” before I talk about sexism, misogyny, racism, social justice, my political views, religion — or anything else — because these are my own. That’s not to say I never apologize, but I do so when appropriate. For instance, if I ram my cart into you accidentally at the grocery store, I will say, “I’m sorry;” but outside of that sort of thing, you won’t find me apologizing for what I’m about to say or have said. Women do this far too frequently, and I’m determined to help end the toxic habit.
I write from a female perspective and about the female experience, tying in both personal and professional narrative. Things I say here may incite disagreement or angst, but I’m okay with that and haven’t ever shied away from a healthy debate. What I am not okay with are nasty, dehumanizing comments. Those who can’t share their opinions on my stories respectfully will be blocked straight away.
Who is that masked woman?
I’ll start with the now. I am a retired, single woman currently traveling around the U.S., Baja, and Canada with quite possibly the best companion one could choose: my 16-pound Shih Tzu named Beyonce named after Queen Bey because it was her music alone that soothed my precious pup during our very long drive home.
How did I get to this place in my life? I was in the middle of a virtual meeting at my job and realized I had had enough of what leadership was doing. More importantly, I was tired of what they weren’t doing. So, I left. To be precise about it, I staged a virtual walkout by clicking on the “Leave Meeting” button and never looking back. You’ll get the chance to read more about that in a future story.
I am also a veteran of the U.S. Army, which is what has informed much of my life and career the past 12 years. I spent three years in the Army and chose not to stay because of the unchecked harassment, assaults, and discrimination against me and other women that continue today.
I have children and grandchildren I would do anything for, as well as six siblings… five living. My sister was one of COVIDs victims in 2021, and there are days the grief is still as harsh and raw as bare skin rubbed against pavement when you take a hard fall at a high speed.
Each of these above experiences, characteristics, and truths will be part of my writing here on Medium.
Goals and achievements, not necessarily in that order
When I left my job in September 2022, it felt as though I was escaping, which is the word I used when people asked where I was from. “Nice to meet you. Where are you from?”
“I escaped from Washington D.C.,” I’d say.
My job was that of Deputy Director at the Department of Veterans Affairs Center for Women Veterans (CWV). I was the mouth that wouldn’t close and the fist that would not stop pounding the table. I was the truth-teller among those who just wanted to go along to get along until they retired, those whose only interest was in their next job, and those who were to afraid to speak up and out.
My goal when I started was to initiate change for women veterans by being the voice they did not have and finding equity and equitability for all women-identified veterans. It was a job that was the pinnacle of my career and one for which I was keenly qualified. So at the previous director’s invitation, I packed my household goods, my integrity, and dreams, and moved to the D.C. area, knowing it would be the last job I ever held.
My intention was to stay five years, but as my dearly departed mother always said, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” It turns out mine is a long and winding road. After only two and one-half years of seeing behind the curtain, and with a new director and administration on board, I found that my integrity rubbed up against VA leaderships’ lack of the same. The friction damn near caught the carpet around me on fire.
My long and winding road
Since 1992, I have focused my efforts on supporting women and girls who have experienced personal violence — both intimate partner violence and sexual assault. Through this work, I gained a tremendous amount of expertise in the field, which I shifted toward working with women veterans while studying for my Master’s degree in Social Work at Columbia University in 2011.
Having my own experiences with abuse, harassment, and assault — part of which occurred while in the Army — I jumped into the topic full on as it related to women veterans. I became the first Oregon Women Veterans Coordinator and worked to become an expert in all related fields, but specifically, military sexual trauma.
This brings me to the concept of being, “Broken in the stronger places ™,” but that at some point, for various reasons, those stronger places, mended with lacquer and gold, rebreak. The ancient art of Kintsugi teaches us a philosophical lesson about healing our broken parts. A simple explanation of both the art and the philosophy can be found in this article by Joshua HeHe. It is my assertion that the further philosophical extension of Kintsugi is that what was repaired and made stronger can become broken again, regardless of the lacquer and gold applied.
My own experience and my work with women who are survivors of trauma recognize that people may heal their broken places and even become (or appear to be) stronger, yet still (for various reasons) find their stronger places re-broken In spite of our best efforts, things can happen that leave us defeated by the re-break. As was my case, I experienced intense anxiety, pain and inner conflict that arose from a lack of compassion, knowledge, and understanding for women veterans that I found in my employer.
Achievements? I have those…
● I was published on the topic of military sexual harassment, assault, and rape while at Columbia School of Social Work.
● In Oregon I co-founded the I Am Not Invisible campaign for women Veterans in 2017. After its launch, I promoted the campaign and took it to Washington D.C., where the Center for Women Veterans adopted it as their first and only permanent campaign.
● As the Deputy Director of CWV, I led the development of a seminal study on post 9/11 women veterans titled: Study on Unemployment Rate of Women Veterans Who Served on Active Duty in the Armed Forces after September 11, 2001, as well as a study mandated by the Deborah Sampson Act and a study on intimate partner violence and sexual assault among veterans and their partners/spouses.
● I have spoken, written articles, and delivered keynotes dozens of times on these topics.
Back to, “What the hell is she doing now?”
Now I divide my days between traveling, writing here, and working on writing a book with the title Broken in the Stronger Places ™.
You’ll find me referencing all of the above in future articles, some of which may be light-hearted, and some of which may be difficult to read. Know this though: I will never share even one of the thousands of stories I have heard from women since 1992. I may reference one that I heard from a high-level, but their stories are not for sale.
My writing, as I mentioned earlier, will be through my lens and only about women and women veterans. I will not include men in my stories because although men and boys are victims of personal and sexual violence, they are also the primary perpetrators of all types of violence in this world. This is a fact backed up by various forms of research and data.
So, my stories are for the women and girls whose voices have been silenced and suppressed for far too long. As was my mission all throughout my career, I hope to elevate their voices and will do so by writing authentically, bravely, and boldly.
I hope you’ll join me for the journey.
Liz
