About me — Joanna Mirkowska
On a mosaic called life
Hey! I’m Joanna.
I’m new here.
It’s quite petrifying to start from scratch, write the first article, and be a beginner.
Struggling with insecurities, low self-esteem, and depression, I buried a dream to write deep inside for years. And as you probably know, it is not really possible to bury the genuine desire of the heart. The poet Sylvia Plath described it so accurately: “I write only because / There is a voice within me / That will not be still.”
I don’t feel qualified to write.
And yet, here I am. Ready-not-ready to start.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
― Mary Oliver, The Journey
Mosaic
When I reflect on my life, the drawing titled Life in 3 Acts by Mari Andrew immediately comes to mind. If you haven’t seen it, you can check it out on Mari Andrew’s Instagram account here.
The drawing presents a girl in three stages of life:
Stage One. A content girl holding a blue vase, symbolizing the stage of life when everything goes well.
Stage Two. A girl standing empty-handed with a shattered vase at her feet, representing loss, disappointment, or brokenness.
Stage Three. A girl with a piece of art entitled ‘Mosaic,’ made from broken vase pieces, symbolizing healing, growth, rebuilding, and resilience.
I have always felt like a Stage Two girl, staring at a hot mess of my life and wishing to be a Stage Three girl when the dots are finally connected. When things stop being just random and painful, and start becoming a story.
Welcome to the mosaic of my life.
On healing
I don’t know what your childhood was like, but mine was far from happy. There was little joy or carefreeness, and a lot of loneliness and sadness. I was the neglected, rejected, and emotionally abandoned child. As a grown-up, I’ve spent many years in therapy fighting depression, low self-esteem, not worthiness, issues of abandonment, and rejection. Therapy has been a place of self-discovery, growth, and healing for me. Despite my experiences being challenging, I learnt to view them as a valuable resource for writing. Flannery O’Connor once famously said that “anyone who survived childhood has enough material to write for the rest of his life.”
For anyone reading this text who does not feel ready to write or is not prepared, I would like to submit to you the concept that you have been well-prepared, but not in the way you expected. You attended a private school of writing called life, and every experience, good or bad, is there for you to use. Every single day of your life, every person you met, every harsh lesson you went through, made you exactly who you are right now. This is your inventory, your supply stored for future use.
“You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt with. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding, and my dear one, you and I have been granted a mighty generous one.”
― Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
On jobs
I had the pleasure to work as a receptionist, secretary, a barista, an au pair, a teacher, a translator, a souvenir shop assistant, an amusement park ticket seller, a housekeeper, a coffee barista, a pub manager, a business trainee, a government clerk, a EU funds specialist, a marketer, a customer service, and a HR learning & development professional.
On walking
I believe in the power of walking to clear your mind, to keep your body in shape, to move your energy around, especially when you feel stuck. My adventure with hiking began in 2016 when I lived in Northern Norway and attended a talk entitled Camino de Santiago organized by Tromsø Science Park. At that time, I was an employee of a local business incubator, and most of the talks arranged by the science park were business-related, so I was sure this would be another seminar on idea evaluation or product development. To my surprise, the talk was about a fundraising project for the Red Cross, which involved running the entire route of the Camino de Santiago (the French Way). I don’t remember the name of the guy or the details of the talk, but what I do recall is that he showed us a trailer for the film about Camino, “The Way.” When I got back home that day, I found the movie online and watched it. I wondered if I could do something like that. “Could I walk hundreds of miles with a backpack across Spain?” I asked myself repeatedly. The following weeks were spent researching and reading everything I could find online about the Camino. I decided to walk the Camino de Santiago.
For those unfamiliar with the Camino, it is one of the most renowned Christian pilgrimages, leading to the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, northwestern Spain. Other major pilgrimage routes include the Via Francigena to Rome and the pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
The Camino Francés (French Way) is the most popular. It begins in Roncesvalles in the Pyrenees of France and extends through northern Spain, reaching as far as Santiago de Compostela in the northwest corner of Spain. The distance from Roncesvalles to Santiago de Compostela is about 800 km (500 mi).
I decided to walk the Camino Portugués (Portuguese Way), the second most popular route, which starts in Lisbon (for a total of approximately 610 km) or in Porto, in northern Portugal (for a total of roughly 227 km).
I went there alone. I met some of the best people along the way. I would love to write about my experience of the Camino de Santiago.
Walking has this exceptional quality of sorting our thoughts. I feel focused as I am walking. Walking makes me calm and focused. New ideas arrive while walking. Sometimes, we find solutions to our problems or answers to the questions we pose.
On drawing
Since I always wanted to write but felt unable to, I read Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, which is famous for unblocking creatives. And it did, but in areas I could not have imagined. Out of nowhere, I started to draw. Mind you, I have not kept a pencil in my hand or attended any drawing classes. I knew nothing about drawing, but I suddenly felt an urge to start. I purchased a 4-hour online course, “Basic Line Drawing” by Lisa Congdon, on Creativebug and started drawing. I usually draw with my hand and use promarkers to fill the drawings with color.
My favorite type of drawing combines images with written words. The drawing serves as an illustration of the famous quotes.
On faith
Last, but not least, I would like to write about faith. I’m Christian, and I will be forever grateful to God for saving me from the pit of despair. He gave me a new life, and I absolutely love to go through life with Him. I’m a bit of a nerd as I spend a lot of time reading the Bible and listening to sermons online. My favorite preachers/bible teachers include Steven Furtick from Elevation Church, John Piper, Tim Ross, Sheila Walsh, Joyce Meyer, and Stephanie Ile Okafor. My dream is to attend a Sunday service at Elevation Church in person and visit the Billy Graham Museum and Library.
On future
I would love to write articles on Medium on the following topics:
- practical faith,
- healthy self-esteem,
- healing wounds of rejection and abandonment,
- Favorite podcasts, books, courses, and sermons.
