About Me — Lydia
Hi, I’m Lydia.
Aspiring writer, daydreamer and voracious consumer of useless things.
In short, I’m an East Asian-British girl who grew up in London and whilst not so much of a talker, I’m full of thoughts and imaginations so aspire to express that through writing. I’m trying to navigate the BS economy the UK is currently at and also my quarter-life crisis, as I reach the age of 28 without clear views on where my happiness lies.
Me as an aspiring writer
I guess this will mark the beginning of my writing journey (or desperate attempt in doing so). I think writing has always been quite a strong skill of mine. Well, at least it’s something I actually enjoy and I used to receive a fair amount of appreciation on the countless essay submissions I’ve done during my uni days, which makes me believe that I’m probably not terrible. Yes, not ground breaking achievement and definitely not me bragging because It’s one of the very few things I can say such about myself. I especially don’t, or feel I don’t have the skillsets or accomplishments in life that one would be super proud of necessarily. Still, I’m a newbie and plenty students write first grade essays. So I want to figure out if writing really is going to become something for me. Whether it’s something I will truly enjoy enough to be consistent with, to enjoy as a hobby, for it to become a habit and to eventually become a part of my career. I know that I have a long way to call myself a ‘writer’ in the professional sense — of course at this stage I will lack writing style, make grammar mistakes with poor structure and have other imperfections here and there. But the important thing is, that I carry on with this journey and learn. Because what’s worse than an imperfect piece of writing, is doing nothing. Procrastination is my worst enemy and has prevented me from doing so much more in my life. So I have nothing to lose. I’m turning 28 soon and have only now realised what I may actually like to do besides what I’ve chosen to settle down to do.
My Job
I hate my job. I work in Merchandising for one of the biggest fashion names in the UK and to say the least, it is so boring I want to die. Not boring because there’s so much idle time for me to stare into space and question the meaning of life (which I like to do often), but because it’s actually the opposite. It’s a lot of stress, hard and often repetitive work (not to mention the amount of tedious admin issues I need to deal with, might as well be a tech support guy) with little pay and not-so-inspiring career prospects. Of course, this is purely my own opinion on the job, and for some, this will be their dream. Why I hate it so much is mostly down to the fact that I don’t enjoy the type of work it is and also the type of person it requires me to be. Merchandising is basically dealing with numbers, and worse, on an excel sheet. While I was quite good at Maths during school (due to the fair amount of Kumon-style classes and tutoring my mum signed me up for) I would definitely not resonate myself with those coding masters or Math professors that solve algebra equations in their spare time for pleasure. I have a creative mind and like to express it in free ways. Dealing with data that has to be maintained accurately and requires high attention to detail, drives me nuts. This is boring and stressful to me. And on top of that, corporate life from what I’ve shortly experienced, is already hitting me with what I imagined a mid-life crisis may look like. The new term for youngsters like myself is the ‘quarter-life crisis’ as they say. It’s like I’ve developed the mentality of a 52-year-old man that has a wife and two kids to provide for. I feel like I can’t leave my job for my passion because it puts the little money it does in my already sad bank account. I then use all the money living for the weekend and the possible 2 week holiday in the year to escape London. It keeps me in a depressed cycle. I don’t have a family to feed, but yet, the fear of leaving a job keeps me in corporate slavery. Funny, a lot may say, as I’m very junior in my job and just a clueless borderline Millenial, Gen-Zer that’s spoilt enough to think the life I have is hard. Honestly, I acknowledge there is harder work out there and privileges do exist, but life is too short to just keep your head down and do something that makes you miserable when you can change it? You’ve got to make the best of what life has to offer in your circumstances. So that’s what I’m going to do and overcome the fear of exploring my true passions. I’m finally going to try whatever to ditch this boring adult life that the 10-year-old me would’ve never… I honestly thought I could be Beyonce.
Writing may be the perfect match for me
I’m an introvert. Myers Briggs tells me I’m the INFP personality type which I think I resonate with about 70% (think they definitely got the patient part wrong). Being an introvert has it’s pros and cons, but let me tell you about how the cons make it more relevant for me to consider writing as a career. I’m now somewhat comfortable in my own skin to say that, I was, and can still be quite an awkward person depending on the situation. Not to say that I death stare people into the eye and make them uncomfortable, but I can be shy, and people notice that. I used to be so frustrated with the fact that I struggled to just small talk about unimportant things and not get so drained or hide my face of boredom or anxiety. I used to envy those who could just light up the room as they entered with their extroverted and confident energy that naturally attracts people. I’d say introverts like myself can be seen as mysterious at best, and just awkward or be misunderstood at worst. But I must say things are a little different for me now. The 28-year-old me has matured and gone through experiences to become adept on putting on a persona that allows me to talk comfortably with most. Some may even assume I’m an extrovert at times. I still dislike small talk, especially with co-workers or my boss where minimal interaction is the best type of interaction. The comments about the UK weather triggers an automatic response in me along the lines of ‘at least it’s not pouring’ or ‘yeah not too awful is it’ or ‘the sun’s gorgeous today’. This accumulates to my inner hysteria, yet, I now recognise these small talks aren’t completely useless and quite necessary in forming social relations. Anyway, whilst I am now quite comfortable in displaying corporate social behaviours (normal social behaviour most may say) I don’t like doing it. When it comes to meeting large groups of people for the first time I still get pretty shy. Meeting new people or partaking in large group activities time to time, is inevitable in corporate. By nature, I’m not fit for it and this isn’t me limiting my capabilities, but it’s the reality check I’ve had on myself through experiences. Corporate culture is simply not ideal for someone like myself and I’m better off in a more free environment where there’s minimal social interaction. And I realised that’s completely okay. I hope writing will pave that path where I can work freely without the pressure of having to be someone I’m not. Not talking much definitely does not align with the sheer amount of interests I have scattered in various topics like beauty, fashion, culture, science and media that I couldn’t possibly learn everything in the world that I desire to. If it’s a topic I’m genuinely interested in, I could talk with my friend for hours on it and be so energetic than ever. Small talking to strangers and coworkers seem to do the opposite. So why would I not express my interests in the form of writing? It’s stupid that I’m not doing something about all these endless thoughts and ideas in my head and just keeping it for my friends (no offence, I love them).
What I will write about
I was a voracious consumer of useless things in my teens and early twenties (and is still somewhat relevant to this day). A lot of it was failed skincare buys like ingredients in attempts to create my own lotions, lip balms and soya-based candles and the list goes on…. but also fashion and non-necessity material things. I’ve gone through so many trials and errors both buying and making products, going through skin troubles, putting together failed outfits, regretting the look of my bank account hence, doing a lot of research and learning. I think I have a lot to share and hope to provide useful information to anyone that needs it or just generally enjoys my writing. I’m going to be writing about everything and anything, but with a focus on skincare, beauty and fashion and share with the fellow Medium friends I make along the way. :)
