About Me — Mandi Ma
A Shadow Coach who loves Starry Night
Every night when you gazed up at the sky, have you ever felt a draw toward something more vital?
I still have it.
Like the stars, life may have both good and negative aspects; the way the night sky blankets the earth reminds me of this.
Deeply reflecting causes me to recall what Vincent van Gogh said:
“What is done in love is done well.”
These words have turned into my compass and guided me across every bend on my road. They constantly remind me that, even in difficult circumstances, acts we do out of love will always be seen.
My narrative about the stars in the sky is only one; it also tells about the shadows I have walked across and the teachings they have imparted on me about locating my own light.
I used to believe I didn’t deserve love; hence, it took me some time to come to love myself. As a shadow coach, I assist others in seeing that the best times could be when things are at their worst.
Growing Up in Chaos: The Early Shadows
I was born in the shadow.
In my family, love sometimes lost itself in the anarchy and dysfunction. Imagine growing up in a storm that never seems to stop. Every day seemed erratic, loaded with conflict, emotional turbulence, and stress. Early on, I learnt to hide my actual self, to keep little and quiet, trying to avoid the next explosion of wrath. My regular friend became fear, a shadow never to go from my side.
Depression arrived shortly, encircling me like a thick, weighty cloud.
I sensed as a little child that I was bearing the weight of the earth.
Why I felt so depressed, alone, so invisible—that eluded me. I felt as though I was aimlessly meandering over a black jungle without a compass or map. Not sure which way to turn.
Those years let me discover the force of words.
Writing turned into my hidden haven where I could let my heart flow without thinking about criticism.
First, like I felt inside, my words were disjointed and reluctant.
But gradually, writing turned into a lifeline—a means of negotiating the shadows and spotting flashes of hope. Looking back, I see that writing was the first instrument I would use to get from darkness to light—that first step on my road to self-discovery.
Writing in the Dark
It all began when I was younger, long before I realized I had a story worth telling. I was always someone who felt deeply, but I rarely showed it. Growing up, I often felt like I was carrying the weight of the world in my heart. But instead of speaking up, I turned inward, retreating to the safety of my thoughts. I found solace in writing because, at the time, it felt like no one was listening. I would pour my emotions onto paper, thinking that maybe, just maybe, the words I wrote would help me understand myself better.
I used to write because no one listened. I thought my words would drift into nothingness, lost in the void of unspoken feelings. But in reality, writing became a way for me to listen to myself, to give voice to the thoughts and emotions I had buried deep within. It wasn’t until much later that I realized those words weren’t just for me — they were for anyone who felt like they, too, were lost in the shadows.
But during those early years, I didn’t know how much writing would eventually save me. The weight of depression clouded my mind and made my heart heavy. I felt as though the tides of sadness were slowly pulling me under, and I was unable to find a way to escape. The world around me kept spinning, but I stood still, unsure of where to turn.
So I wrote. I wrote because it was the only way I knew how to process the emotions that felt too big to carry.
Those writings became the foundation of my first book, “Depression Diary: It’s Not as Sad as You Think.” This book was a raw and honest account of my battle with depression, but it wasn’t a story of defeat — it was a story of survival, of learning that even in the darkest times, there is always a flicker of light. Writing that book wasn’t just about documenting my pain — it was about reclaiming my power. It was a reminder to myself and to anyone reading that life, even when it feels heavy, can still hold moments of beauty and hope.
When I finished the book, I felt lighter.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe again. It wasn’t that the sadness had disappeared — it was still there, lingering like a shadow — but I had learned to live alongside it.
I had learned that my pain didn’t make me weak; it made me human. And through that realization, I found strength in the very thing that once made me feel so small.
The Pain of Creation
Finishing with my book made me feel like that I was turning around. I was ready for a new part of my life where I could tell my experiences and help others get through their very own dark times. That’s when I made the decision to put together my first art show. I wasn’t ever a curator before, but I had a plan: I wanted to make my mental journey into something real that other people could see and feel.
But, as it often does, life had other ideas.
People started attacking me while I was getting ready for my show.
When strangers on the internet said things that hurt my heart, I felt naked and open. It felt like people who didn't even know me were tearing apart the self-assurance I had worked so hard to build in my ability to tell the truth. I felt hurt by what they had said, and for a moment I thought about giving up. I believed that they might be right.
Perhaps I’m not enough.
I almost let them win for a short time. I almost let their pain shut me up. I thought about something important, though: “What is done in love is done well.” I loved writing and making art.
No one was going to take that from me. I was unable to allow what people said about me or my work define me. I didn’t give up; I chose to keep going. I kept going with the show, which gave me back my voice.
The show was more than just a collection of art. The best thing about curating is that it made me realise I’m not alone in this because I have guest artists and up-and-coming artists join me. They are all on the same path as me, and we all make it happen together.
It was a brave move to not let other people's negativity silence you. I assured myself that what other people thought couldn't dim my light, just like the stars in the night sky.
Once more, my pain had turned into a source of strength.
How to Love Me?
The betrayal of my best friend presented still another obstacle as I kept on my road of self-discovery. One of the most significant people in my life, this person I trusted most, has been there. I felt heartbroken when our friendship disintegrated. I started challenging everything.
Was my fault? Was I too hard for you to love?
I had long-held belief that I was unworthy of love. I considered if something was wrong with me—that I had pushed people away for not being enough. I descended into self-doubt, believing I was unworthy of the affection I so sorely yearned for.
But I asked for help and then I did something that altered everything. I started asking the people in my life — friends, ex-partners — what it felt like to love me. I had expected straightforward responses, but what I got was far more complicated. Everybody saw things differently, yet each one provided a new window into who I was.
While some discussed more profound facets of my personality, such as my fortitude against cyberbullying, others remarked about minute things, like my fondness of sour ice cream. Their remarks let me see that love is not one-dimensional. It is diverse and impossible to describe by one person or one event.
Their answers let me realise that I was human and deserving of love — not because I was faultless but rather because I was human.
Love is something we deserve just because we live; it is not something we have to prove or earn.
That insight set the groundwork for my campaign, “How to Love Me, Because I Deserve Love.” This movement aimed for everyone who had ever questioned their value, not only for me. It was for anyone who had ever felt inadequate. By means of my campaign, I aimed to demonstrate to others the range and complexity of love as it is. Love comes in the subtleties of our life, in the ways we show up for each other and for ourselves.
There is no one way to love.
Becoming a Shadow Coach
Upon contemplation of my path, I see that each action I have performed has brought me to this point. From drafting my book to organising my show, from negotiating the pain of cyberbullying to starting my campaign, every event has imparted insightful lessons about the human experience—including about me.
The darkness we encounter is something to be welcomed rather than something to be terrified of, I have discovered.
I started shadow coaching for this reason. Just as I had discovered, I wanted to assist others in finding the light inside themselves and overcome their own darkness. Shadow work is not about fixing you, as you are not broken. It’s about learning to love and welcome all sides of yourself, including the ones you have been hiding.
It’s about understanding that your doubts, fear, and suffering — all of which are part of your story — may transform into your most effective tools.
For Example, My work has always focused on transformation. Every project and every item begins from a very personal experiential point of view. It’s about turning what hurts, weighs heavily, and sometimes feels overpowering into something that matters. The same need drives my work: to face the darkness, welcome the shadows, and let the light inside shine more brilliantly than it has ever done.
Depression Diary
#ItIsNotSadAsYouThink
I was in a dark spot when I first started penning “Depression Diary.” Depression was weighty, isolated, and so all-consuming. As I wrote, though, I came to see something: it’s not as depressing as it first sounds.
True, depression is difficult.
True, it is lonely.
But as I wrote, I found that even in the most trying circumstances, there are little flashes of light and tiny sparks reminding you life isn’t only gloom. It is authentic, unvarnished, and nuanced. There is always a moment — even a breath — where you can find cause to hang on and keep moving forward. This diary was about proving that life — even at its toughest — has light, not about spinning a pleasant tale. It’s actual, not depressing. #ItIsNotSadAsYouThink is about survival, resilience, and noticing the little moments of brightness even in a world that seems to be dismal.
Turn Your Scars Into Stars
#EvenInPainYouAreStillBeautiful
Every last bit of power I possessed went towards this project. Deep suffering drove “Turn Your Scars Into Stars,” but it evolved into something strong and transforming. The emotional and physical scars I carried became to be beautiful rather than a cause of guilt. During this research, I developed the idea of Paintiful since I came to see that beauty and anguish often coexist. The most beautiful means of expression come from the deepest wounds of life. Though it made me face my own scars, bringing this piece to reality hurt. Still, I discovered beauty in doing this. I discovered resolve. I found strength.
This project was about realising you are still attractive and accepting all aspect of you, including the suffering. You have still great power.
You are still worthy even through your worst times.
Remind yourself that scars enhance rather than diminish your beauty—even in pain, you are still beautiful.
How To Love Me
#becauseIDEeserveLove
One of the most agonising realisations in my life—the breakup of a close connection that left me wondering about my value—lled me to write “How To Love Me.” I thought I wasn’t sufficient. I considered myself unworthy. I asked myself what I had done wrong and how I may have behaved differently.
Then I understood something really strong. I do not have to earn love. It’s not about showing myself deserving to someone else. As I am, love is something I deserve.
“How To Love Me” evolved into a campaign for everyone who has ever felt like they needed to change to be loved, not just for me. You deserve love right now, my proclamation to myself and to everyone else feeling the same. Not when you’ve corrected yourself, not when you’ve proved yourself, but simply as you are. For #BecauseIDeservelove now, love is my mantra; I wish others to embrace it as well.
I want to share with the world this fresh affirmation:
*ShadowShineStars*
Our shadows—the aspects of ourselves we attempt to hide, the suffering we have gone through, the wounds we carry—are what, I think, help our light shine more brightly. We realise something amazing when we face our darkness and accept the bits of ourselves that seem damaged or hidden: those shadows accentuate our light rather than lessen us. #ShadowShineStars is about appreciating your whole path, including the difficult, trying times as well as the positive ones.
Given those times? They define you as such. They provide you the power, the resilience, and the strength to shine even more.
One sees self-love in a fresh perspective here. It’s not only about appreciating the simple, lovely aspects of ourselves. It’s about loving the difficult things as well. It’s about appreciating the beauty in the scars, the strength found in the suffering, and the lighthouse rising from the shadows.
You are not broken, as #ShadowShine Stars reminds us. You are growing into. You’m changing. And thanks for what you have gone through; your light shines all the more.
This is a message to all of us to realise that perfection defines not our value. Our capacity to rise, heal, and love oneself, regardless of circumstance, defines it. Your shadows make your stars; when you embrace them, you will shine more than you have ever done.
My work, my path, and my life have all been about transformation — about discovering the beauty, the light, and the love inside what seems unbearable.
#ShadowShineStars is for everyone who has ever felt either too much or not enough. It is for individuals who have felt damaged or unworthy or who have questioned their value. It’s for everyone who is ready to embrace their complete self, shadows and all, and know they are also a beautiful, shining star.
Final Thought : A Starry Night Awaits
Here I am, not as someone who has it all figured out but rather as someone who has walked through the darkness and discovered light on the other side. Like Vincent van Gogh’s *Starry Night,* my narrative is rife with both chaos and beauty, light and shade. And I’m here to help you find the beauty just waiting to be unearthed among your own mess.
I’m here to help you find the brightness inside your worst moments and to welcome your shadows. Since what is done in love is done right — and you, my friend, deserve all the love and light this planet has to offer.
Your shadows are something to embrace rather than something to be afraid of, if one thing I want to leave you with. Your light can only be completely realised if you let yourself face the darkness inside, much like the stars shine brightest against the night sky.
The trip is difficult; I have been there and I understand how weighty those events might seem. But I also know that even when we feel as though we are at our lowest, everyone of us has a strength that may surface.
I used to write since nobody listened and for a long period I thought my voice had no importance. But from my experiences — the suffering, the heartache, the resiliency — what I have discovered is that our voices are worth listening to and our stories are worth telling. You apply the same. Your narrative counts. You have voice and importance. And your path — with all its ups and downs — is a lovely monument to the person you are growing to be.
My aim as a shadow coach is to enable you to see that. To enable you to find the light waiting for you — hidden just under the surface. Walking through the shadows together will help us to understand them rather than flee them, as it is in understanding ourselves that we discover our greatest source of love and strength.
Know that you are not alone if you have ever felt that you are too much or not enough, if you ever doubted your value, if you are just looking for your own starry night. I am here to walk with you, to mentor you, and to remind we — always — that you have the worth of love and light.
Let’s start this road together, loving, and let it be done well🩷
With love and light of the Starry Night,
Mandi
PS. Who Am I, Really?
Okay, so here’s the deal — people often ask me, “What do you do?” and honestly, I’m still figuring out how to fit myself neatly into a catalog.
Am I a healer? A coach? A writer? An Artist??
Ehh, maybe not quite.
🦋🎲🌠💡 I like to think of myself more as a creator, always on the hunt for creative ways to bring a little magic and healing into life.🎨✍🏻🧠⚙️
If you ask me, “What do you do?” 😅get ready for a bit of a whirlwind answer because I do a lot of things! I write books, fictions, Poetry, Collage Arts, Create contents, dive deep into SEO, whip up some killer marketing and PR strategies, paint, curate art, manage events, and help plan all sorts of things. I’m into everything from CBT (yep, that too) to being what you might call a “shadow coach.”🫡
But really, just tell me what you wish for, and I’ll find a way to help make it come true. Whether it’s words, art, ideas, or a sprinkle of creativity,
I’m here to make things happen.
Still figuring it out, still creating, and always here to dream big!
