About Me: Precious
The resilient girl who refuses to give up
First things first, who am I?
Really short answer? I am me. Long answer? Oh boy, let’s see…
I am Precious. The girl who refuses to give up. I’ve been through things in my life that when I think about, even my strength surprises me. Then, I thought the word “resilience” and that’s how I describe myself now.
Growing up, just like any other girl, I was optimistic about the future. I had goals I’d set. Dreams I hoped to accomplish. It seemed like everything was alright. I was in control— or so I thought. Then, somethings happened in 2020 that made me doubt my self worth, myself, everything.
During this period, I mostly felt sadness and pain. I never knew emotional pain could feel so physical. I could feel it on my skin, but anytime I touched my skin, it wasn’t there. I called it “phantom pains.” It was internal. I forgot to eat, sleep, interact with people (I pretty much lived in my room). I only remembered to listen to music because it kept me going. I forgot what happiness felt like. Who I was before all this? I couldn’t remember. That’s when I realized I was depressed.
The thing about being depressed is this: you lose all sense of time and self. It’s like you’re floating through life. You’re on auto mode. You’re not really in control. Your feelings are. You don’t see the world in black and white, or grey. It’s just plain black. It’s like this wormhole you get sucked into but you can’t find a way out because you’re not really looking.
I will never forget that day in 2022 when I sat in class and saw my classmates laughing, gisting, just being happy. I remember thinking, “How do they do that? I’d really like to do that without faking it.” I also remembered I used to be like that without faking it. I was beginning to remember who I was before everything. This was my turning point. I began to make a conscious effort to be present. I just wanted to know what happiness felt like again. Ever since then, I’ve gotten better.
Now, that episode is more like a memory than anything else. Have I fully healed though? Maybe. Am I better than I was years ago? Definitely. What strikes me everytime I reminisce about that period is this: through it all, through the pain and mental anguish and everything in between, I always found a way to keep going. Sometimes, through music. Sometimes, through motivational quotes and sometimes, surprisingly, from within. After I decided to make a conscious effort to be present, I remember I developed this quote and it read: Even if I have to crawl or slither, I will. The goal is to move forward. To keep moving. This, in hind sight, is resilience which was something I failed to give myself credit for at the time.
Recently, I’ve realized this was something I always had in me. Resilience. It’s been there since way before 2020. It’s still here in 2026. Not just through depression, but through everything else.
So, who am I? I’m Precious. The girl who absolutely refuses to give up. Veni, vidi, vici.
To all those in that plain black world right now, what I want to say to you is this: I didn’t think I would make it but I did. You can too.
