About Me — S.J. Nash
Exposing my “slightly” delusional proclivity for risk-taking & reinvention (and how my love for Jesus is my superpower)
So, confession. I’ve been dead set on more paths than I sometimes care to admit. From college to law school to fitness enthusiast to chasing dreams in sunny Los Angeles back to law school and… and… and I’m exhausted, ngl.
If I’m honest, the only constant throughout all this seemingly inconsistent soul-searching is my dependence on Jesus. Throughout all the uber-enthused beginnings and inevitable breakdowns to follow (and there have been many), I’m always seeking God for guidance, help, strength, and His saving grace.
THE SCHOLAR
I’ve always been great at school. In fact, if I could stay in school forever sans student loans, you probably couldn’t keep me out. More importantly though, from a very early age, I think I staked part of my identity in being “smart”. The constant praise throughout school from my parents, relatives, and teachers gave me a sense of pride that I probably need to spend some time unpacking with a therapist.
And so, for no reason at all really, I told myself I’d be a lawyer around the age of 6. Everyone else told me it was a good idea, so I stuck with it. Because that’s what smart people did — become doctors and lawyers. I can’t say I ever even looked in the direction of the medical profession, but lawyer? Lawyer just felt right in my sub-double digit reasoning.
Alas, I went from college straight through to law school. I made it to the big leagues… and loathed every second of it.
THE FITNESS BUFF
While in law school, I binged watched lots of Netflix, began drinking lots of coffee, complained about law school every single day, and somehow found solace in working out. Having fitness goals helped me focus on something other than being cold-called in class and feeling like an idiot when, naturally of course, my professor would ask me the one question I chose not to prepare for.
Somewhere in the midst of all that fun, I decided to become a personal trainer. I had it all scoped out. I’d drop out of law school, take the necessary exams to get my fitness certifications, and become a trainer. Heck, maybe I’d even start my own business?!
And I did. After loads of wrestling with how insane everyone would think I was for leaving such a prestigious path, I ripped off the bandaid. I packed my car, told the Dean I was leaving, and got my boyfriend to agree to pick me up from school and bring me home.
Get my certifications? Check. Move back home with my parents? Check. Start with a nice little part time training gig? Check. I was slowly piecing this path together. Then… I dropped it all to follow my boyfriend to Los Angeles.
THE SINGER/SONGWRITER
Was that as abrupt as it felt in real life? Because I hope so. Listen, I had my reasons. Everything was so new, I missed my man after dropping him off across the country for his big LA move he’d been planning since college, and I don’t know about you but LA didn’t sound so bad as a place to reinvent.
Within a week’s time I’d bought a plane ticket and lined up an interview in with a boutique gym that seemed like a great fit. Spoiler alert: didn’t work out. Working out was great when it was just for me, but when suddenly I’d become the bad guy in the eyes of my clients for explaining (as gently as possible) that we probably wouldn’t be able to reach their fitness goals if they kept eating pasta and cookies every night, it became all too much. And quite frankly, I just didn't believe it myself. Heck, I want pasta and cookies every night too! Let the people eat!
Anyway, one thing led to another. I made some musical friends, signed up for an ASCAP conference, and before I knew it, I was in the studio writing songs and recording background vocals for various projects. It was glorious.
To get paid to sing was like a dream I’d held tightly to my heart since a little girl. But between my crippling stage fright and lack of exposure to anyone making a living via music in real life, I just never really entertained the idea. Not until I saw my boyfriend and his friends making music in their dorms, and eventually, putting out a whole album??!! Like whaaa? We could do that? Who knew!
Once the secret was out, there was no stopping me! Until of course, I stopped because, hello, there’s a theme here.
Mhm. Making music was expensive. The social media optics were just too much for me to keep up with. It was more than I bargained for. As badly as I wanted to make it work, I just couldn’t work up enough motivation to push for years to no avail.
Oh, and did I mention COVID happened??
THE LAWYER
Life was halted. The boyfriend was now my husband, and we had some things to weigh: money, starting a family, being so far away from our siblings and parents. We needed to start to think seriously about what was next and if our then-current paths were taking us there.
Ultimately, I decided to go back to law school and finish what I’d started. I had already accrued the student loans. I had a scholarship that was still in place. School was virtual for the most part, and I’d only had 1.5 years left.
When I went back, it was like day and night! School was fun again. The topics were interesting. I had financial goals I was working towards. Things were looking up and I just knew I made the right the decision. This would be it — my thing.
I graduated, started as a junior associate in a large law firm, moved to a new city and was having a ball (at least, in my personal life). But my work life? More intense than I expected, to say the least. I mean, I was waking up with my heart beating out of my chest. Re-reading emails 20 times to make sure I was politely (but firmly) setting boundaries that would get my point across but not get me blacklisted and labelled as the associate who just didn’t want to be a “firm citizen.”
So…
THE SAHW
Yup, I left. (Why do I feel like I’m being judged? You knew the ride you were in for.)
It’s true. Me and Mr. SJ moved back to our hometown, invested in some real estate and started our family. I’m now mama to one amazingly curious and spunky baby girl, and it’s completely turned my life upside down.
I’ve had the immense blessing of not having worked throughout my whole pregnancy and now well within her first year of life. It’s something I don’t take for granted. But the transition to motherhood wasn't easy. I realized I’d come up with a fantasy of what life could be as a SAHM — the grass would certainly be greener. But, I’ve since learned. Being a SAHM/SAHW is day in and out of hard, repetitive, selfless tasks. And, unlike times past, as a mom and wife, there’s no desire to explore elsewhere but sometimes there is the itch for something additional that’s creative… that’s lucrative… that’s just mine.
SOLO LAW FIRM OWNER
Out of this itch, and maybe a bit of disillusionment, I built a solo, virtual law firm as a last-ditch effort to see if I might still have a place in this world as an attorney. It’s been a couple weeks. We’ll see where it takes us.
If I’m honest though, my dreams of having a content creation career on my own terms is nagging at me. I can’t shake it.
CONTENT CREATOR
And now we’re here… writing on Medium. I’ll probably start up a YouTube channel in the next couple weeks too. Why not just go ahead and make the shift now, early enough to not shock people too badly?
I know I can’t be the only 30-year old who is still absolutely figuring things out in terms out life and work, balancing making money and loving the lives we live.
I’m here to practice out loud. To be creative once again and have my thing. To showcase the mistakes and encourage you to pick yourself back up when you fall, as we all will time and again. To hopefully inspire others to keep on trying stuff until they stumble upon their things as well.
MY CONSTANT
I write all of this truthfully, but whimsically. In reality, I’ve had hard-fought mental battles in each major transition.
In all of my experimenting, I am assured of this: there is nothing I can do and no path too far off, that can separate me from the love of Jesus. No ditch too deep. No path too fixed. When fear grabs me by the ankles, my God is there to pull me up and remind me that I am heard, cared for, and loved. I’m a work that won’t be finished until the day He calls me home. Just like you. So, try that thing. Give it a go. Who knows where it will take you?
S.J.
