About Me — Shalu Bajaj Ahuja
It is not easy to articulate the mysteries that nature has placed in us and left on us to discover!
Introducing myself as somebody has never been the game.
Earlier, when I was learning a language, words befell short. Knowing the language doesn’t do any good either; no words can do justice to express the continued dilemma between knowing oneself and the theories mind imagines about self & others.
In short, I am a DIP, aka. Discoveries-in-progress.
Every moment when a dilemma in me harmonizes — though nowhere close to harmonies in nature— I discover a new part of me.
Where I come from?
I started to orbit around the Sun, from the point on Earth identified as India, in the times that today has a fancy description beyond a year, date, and month — micro-generation on the cusp of Generation X and Millenials, Xennials.
Like most people of that generation, my early exposure to life was physically confined in the town where each person knew the other person; Experiences were rich, and every expression had immense value. If someone esteemed in town has said the word, they will not only swear by it, but all others will also live by it, come whatsoever!
I have travelled four continents, six countries, dozens of unique cultures, and my experience has been enriching.
Each person I met was different outside but similar inside, discovering their beings and becoming — some are looking at the crystal ball, and some in their soul.
First discovery about self:
My maternal grandfather used to say that culture changes every 32 miles, probably why all marriages and extended relationships happened within 32 miles.
32-miles-theory introduced me to my first dilemma — a conventional puzzle for the girl who wanted to fly, heart aching to experience the world and powers fastened towards 32-miles-zone.
The choice that little girl made was proper and courageous for her, but it saddens the woman in me when some grown-up patronises that choice: become somebody and claim their space.
Becoming an Engineer and Be Successful :
My most defining and earliest childhood memory is when I held my little sister’s hand and walked the long road towards my paternal grandparent’s place independently.
I was unaware that our parents watched us from the other side until we reached safely, and my little spirits started to soar like an eagle.
The experience of self-independence and the ability to take care of people around me made me expand on reality. I decided to become somebody for myself and my darling little sister.
I became an engineer, less because I had a clarity of path forward, more because my grand-mom’s friend’s grandson was becoming, and I fancied my and my sister’s claim to the independent space the conventionals commanded in the 32-miles-zone.
Slowly but unwillingly, I learned to speak with others’ tongues and the theories of what others expect somebody to talk about. My words sounded as brass and tinkling cymbal, eyes wandering to peek in other person’s head and shoulders failing to carry the load of claimed space.
Meeting the dilemma of being and becoming:
Claimed space’s independence resembled the erotic irony, where everybody competed, and my natural expressions fell short in cutting my own thoughts clutter, confusions, and reach distinct beings. Each person I met had part of me, but nobody was somebody I wanted to become.
I liked the travel, aeroplanes, 5-star lounges, and meeting people until I developed the love for trails, hikes, ocean waves, flowers, children, myself, and the world to which these transported my soul.
I coincided with the ideals that illuminated my paths graciously in high moments. In low moments — amidst becoming ideals — I buried myself in a doom and gloom of insecurities, fear, and needs, and those moments, imitating the expressions looked easy escape.
The dilemma of being and becoming needed to balance; it was incongruent and aching.
When I celebrated others, I failed to resolute — a dilemma of honouring eachone equal, without letting other’s light dim own.
When I celebrated my successes, I failed to radiate — a dilemma of accepting all as divine bliss without abolishing my part in the whole.
When I cared for others, I failed to steady my shoulders — a dilemma of staying responsible, without responsibility turning to an invisible load.
Dilemma finding the balance:
It took two siblings’ energy, a taste of so-called-worldly-successes, two children, and part of every person I met for my dilemmas to find a balance.
The balance came at the nexus of parenting and leading self before leading others.
Is a scientific way of becoming somebody the pathway to the wide doors of the evolution of nature in psychology, expressions of heroes in history, art, and spirituality? I wonder!
The most profound discovery as yet for a woman free from 32-miles-zone has been that —
I cannot be somebody without losing my being. I need not be somebody, and I choose to be DIP (discovering in progress) — one part at a time.
Now, I am sensitive to others’ feelings, unique expressions of all beings, celebrate my efforts, and accept HIS bliss in everything.
Where am I headed?
I have come a long way from an elder sister of two wonderful siblings to two wonderful girls’ parents and put many oscillations to balance.
Though expression ache balance has taken the time, you speak about the feedback anyone can get about language; I would have called it; still, it has all been worth it!
In the world of go, go, and go,
Know that you are on the journey.
Observe, Experience, and Absorb,
You are a seed, a sprout, and a tree.
You are the one broken, a piece and the Whole.
In the world of go, go and go,
Space out and flow…
This expression of my soul motivates me to pursue writing more seriously, so I become a better writer — touch others’ dilemmas, be their lost part of the being.
I love the Xennial in me, and her adaptation with the technological advancement, zone — of finding her parts — expanded from 32-miles to world-is-the-home. Her curiosity, exploration, and sharing her best parts with all who she meets.
Towards the life of expressions, lore, and evolution
While I always believed that language's purpose is to express self, whether it is the language of the flowers, birds, or a sea.
I am now learning that expression is profound when it has power to become another’s being.
I intend to develop my expressions in a language that can light people lost in becoming somebody, celebrate their bliss, and shine their uniqueness.
It is evolving and will be until all dilemmas find the balance…
Evolving from quench to become somebody to being the seeker, observer, and discoverer has been gratifying.
In this journey onward, I want to touch fellow parents', leaders' lives, welcome diverse thoughts, celebrate, and accord their expressions for the next generations.
I strive to find and share sounder, pleasanter, and more beneficial parts of me.
I am currently oscillating on the dilemma of “being limitless” and findings of nature’s “no limits”! But aren’t we all oscillating the same way, just at different frequencies, different dilemmas? And will keep oscillating until we meet the whole …
