About Me — Vardhanam
I made contact with spirits
Hello, I’ll keep this concise as I prefer not to delve too deeply into my personal life. I do want to share one significant aspect, however, that I think you might find interesting: my contact with spirits. Before I discuss my experiences with them, let me provide some background about myself.
My name is Vardhanam, and I hail from India. With a foundation in science and technology, I spent the initial part of my career studying the neurobiology, evolutionary biology, and biophysics of insect flight in academia. Insects are indeed fascinating; their ability to fly has afforded them a long-standing presence on Earth by giving them a survival advantage through tough times. These tiny creatures possess an exoskeleton — a hard, lightweight armor that protects their soft inner bodies. Most insects beat their wings rapidly, with mosquitoes flapping about 500 times per second and flies about 250 times per second. To maintain stability in flight, insects are equipped with specialized organs. For example, their antennae serve as mechanosensors for stability feedback. Flies have matchstick-shaped structures called halteres that function as gyroscopes, alerting the insect to mid-flight rotations. Insect eyes are remarkable too; their compound eyes can have between 50 to 100 lenses, endowing them with superior temporal resolution over spatial resolution. This means that while insects may struggle to differentiate closely situated points, they can adeptly discern the movement frequency of those points, which is where their impressive temporal resolution comes into play.
Beyond my scientific interests, I’ve been deeply engaged with the arts, filmmaking, story writing, and theater. I’ve invested considerable time acting in plays, writing scripts, creating short films, and working in a production studio. Books and films have consistently provided an escape from the harshness of external reality for me.
With this background in mind, let me now turn to my encounters with spirits. My interest in spirituality peaked during college, especially after my first experience with acid. Aldous Huxley’s “The Doors of Perception,” which recounts his experiences with LSD, greatly inspired me. This led me down a path of exploring various spiritual texts, including works by Shri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda, and ancient Hindu philosophies like the Bhakti philosophy, Karma Yoga, and the Gita, as well as Sufi texts. “The Imitation of Christ” was particularly influential. I attended numerous spiritual retreats where I would engage in extended meditation sessions. Soon, I began to feel an undeniable force between my eyebrows, and this was not mere fancy — I approach life with a scientific and rational mindset.
Over 11 years, I nurtured a deepening trust in this force. Modern spiritual texts by J. Krishnamurti, Ramana Maharshi, and Eckhart Tolle — whose work greatly inspired me — were also part of my journey. In the last five years, which I mostly spent in inactivity after quitting my job, borrowing money from my father, and living as a hermit in a remote Indian location, I grew increasingly aligned with this force. I surrendered to it completely. As this period came to a close, I began to sense the presence of spirits. They would channel through me, controlling my body and mind, speaking through me, and guiding my actions. While I have no means to prove this wasn’t schizophrenia, I assure you it wasn’t. These spirits, calling themselves by various names led me to different restaurants, influenced my diet, and exerted control over my social interactions, ensuring I ended relationships they didn’t approve of. They painted a grandiose picture of me as a savior tasked with cleansing the Earth of pollution, garbage, and trash — a narrative I fully believed.
However, with time, these spirits began to torment me, compelling me to partake in meaningless rituals, including one incantation to eliminate all my friends due to their supposed bad karma. Despite the absurdity, I was so under their spell that I performed these rituals for hours on end, secluded in my room, using crystals, candles, incense sticks, and books on black magic. The spirits identified themselves as Vishnu, Archangel Michael, and David. One claimed to be a spirit named Eckhart Tolle, which I initially believed to be the actual Eckhart Tolle, though it clearly was not. Eventually, the torture from these spirits led to overwhelming depression. It was then that I resolved to ignore these voices. It took me about six months to completely silence them and reclaim control over my body.
I have chronicled my experiences with these spirits in a true story that I’m writing on Medium called Why I did nothing for 5 years. You can read more about my journey here.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
