About Me — Vinee T
Inventing myself into a person compatible with my inner self.
Doubts in life
Growing up without parents, my closest relatives seemed to introduce me as, spoilt and pampered.
How did I become this unpleasant child right from the start?
Because I was the oldest grandchild in my generation I was raised by my father’s brothers’ parents, my grandparents. The two people they loved so much in the world had put their focus on the first grandchild, Me. Not that I had intentionally taken away the attention that could very much have made my father’s brothers insignificant in the eyes of their parents. This was not what I meant for it to happen with any purpose as a kid.
My little age of mine had to take on the role of emotional struggles with the adults. I am just a 3-year-old. The jealousy, and off-putting attitude of my uncles that my existence is not welcomed in their presence, not at all in their world. What remains of me is a growing child that is not able to find a place of fit. Always awkward, out of place, distant, and an outsider. My heart seems to always be floating in space. Within me, there is no comfort and is always unsettling in pace.
Independence
Growing into the world out there, out of the extended family that is supposed to be closely knitted as living under one roof is considered to be of fortune in my culture, I had taken steps to be independent. I could not believe what it had become for me thinking back, it was one most satisfying chapters of my life. No, I was not empty inside growing up. For the most part of it, I had been showered with love from two, warm and humble elders, who both could most definitely live a life of luxury yet chose down-to-earth.
Sadly, the passing of the sole breadwinner for me is my grandfather. I am only 16. Facing the change of identity and the roles I have to play, with one very important person left who genuinely cares about me and keeps me sane. Survive is all these memories are vivid of, or maybe not so much they want to be. It is for me to make it be, even if it is not meant to be. Life’s tough putting it all together.
Striving to make it be
Far ahead I tried to reach, alone now it seemed to be the reality of it. I came to this stage with just me, including all that has been inside of me. Without trying hard to compromise the thoughts of what was exhibited of me by others. Good reminiscent would only now become a part of me. I am happy now where I want to be. Hoping it would be with you to see.
Thank you for spending time with this little story about me.
~ Vinee T
