Member-only story
Broken Ties, Stronger Roots
How losing the Dad I never really had, helped me grow
The stories I’ve told myself — and the world — about my dad have shifted over the years. Some things are factual and remain, but the way I interpret life has changed.
Unbeknownst to me, I spent my childhood wanting a dad. This realisation came up during a session with my shaman in my late thirties — just when I thought I’d already worked through all the things to do with Dad!
I had flickering visions of my childhood neighbourhood, a bird’s-eye view of a few friends’ houses, and a frustrating lack of clarity. Matt, my shaman, asked me what I was seeing. Normally, in our sessions, I’d connect to a specific moment in time, but this was just a random collection of images. I told him I was getting “nothing” and kept seeing the same three houses.
He placed his hands on my shoulders and asked, “What do these houses have in common?”
I burst into tears. “They all had a mum and dad,” I cried.
And just like that, the session’s focus became clear.
This wasn’t the first time my “dad issues” had come up — or the effect they’d had on my adult life. It’s amazing how childhood perceptions can ripple through our decisions as adults.
