Condescending
Navigating the balance between honesty and tact.
I believe my tone is warm and considerate when I speak. It’s important to me that I listen, really listen, to people. I don’t negate other’s thoughts or feelings, even if their views are different from mine. I listen and I don’t judge.
I thought I was pretty good at this.
So, when I was recently told that I can sometimes come off as condescending, I was taken aback.
Me?
Condescending?
That’s not my style. I’ve been described as diplomatic, kind, fair, generous, and funny.
But in this instance, I was missing the mark.
After talking it through with someone whose opinion I value above most, he helped me come to an interesting realization:
My peaceful assurance might be making others feel like there’s no room for discussion. He referred to it as “not a mic drop, but softly placing the mic on the floor.”
I was surprised by that, but it made sense.
The person who was critiquing my tone also shared that if someone is insecure, my directness, although spoken in love, could come across as condescending to them.
And that’s where things get tricky for me.
How do I stay true to myself, firm in my beliefs, and direct in my communication, without catering to people who aren’t challenging their thinking?
I started thinking about conversations I’ve had. In many of the interactions, people rarely filter what they say. They speak matter-of-factly, often without giving much thought to how their words might come across.
And I only came to know this by asking questions. Their answers revealed shallow thinking.
People who are set in their ways rarely consider differing views. They usually express their opinions without hesitation.
Being thoughtful and intentional about my words shouldn’t mean I have to censor myself just to make others comfortable. Right?
I’m not set in my ways. I’m currently on a life reassessment tour, making attitude adjustments along the way. I think deeply, and I embrace when I’m wrong. I don’t see changing my mind as a weakness; I see it as growth. The goal isn’t to win an argument but to arrive at the truth.
Just as I gently challenge others, I wish to be challenged as well.
How else can we foster an environment to think, reflect, and grow.
After further reflection, I also noticed that when someone dismisses differing perspectives, I feel compelled to push back.
That’s when I stand firm in my beliefs.
If a view seems too narrow or one-sided, in an open conversation, I gently challenge it — usually with questions.
But I realize that, although my tone might be warm and considerate, my perspective may be more forceful than I intend. I’m challenging what I see as a dismissive or exclusionary attitude. And now I know that could come across as condescending. Truth is, it frustrates me to see people negate other’s viewpoints.
This is a moment of self-awareness for me.
I see now that my convictions might seem closed off, but in truth, they are deeply considered, not dismissive.
I know where I stand.
But I also know that I can be a great listener and challenge ideas without closing the door on someone else’s perspective. It’s a balance, and I’m learning to navigate it with grace.
So, I’m embracing the fact that my perspective may sometimes sound condescending when I challenge narrow-minded thinking or harmful behavior. But I also know that challenging these attitudes is important.
I’m standing firm in my beliefs, not to shut others down, but to encourage them to open up and think more deeply about the world around them.
My peaceful assurance in those moments may sound harsh, but I intend to spark conversation and promote understanding, not to silence anyone.
I will be mindful of my viewpoint, but I will never apologize for standing firm in what I believe. After all, I can’t expect growth from myself or others if we don’t confront uncomfortable truths.
We all have moments where our approach might not land the way we intend. It’s important to reflect on how we communicate, especially when we know that our words can challenge others’ beliefs. But standing firm in our own convictions is just as important.
The key is to find balance: stay true to what we believe, while also remaining open to hearing and understanding other perspectives.
I will continue to listen, ask questions, and challenge ideas when necessary.
I believe we must challenge ideas. But be mindful of how your message is received. Remember that fostering understanding and open dialogue requires not only clarity and confidence but empathy and humility.
How do you balance standing firm in your beliefs while keeping a heart that listens?
Help me grow in the comments.
