Don’t just be alive, live your life!
If you think about it, most of us are actually just, well, just alive.
Yes, you have a great job. Yes, you have a great car, and yes you have a beautiful house. And yes, you deserve all that. But you also deserve so much more!
We are extremely harsh with ourselves when it comes to living our best life. The human race has become a machine where we need the warning to shut ourselves off and carry out maintenance work on ourselves.
In today’s times, terms like earn, deserve, and worthy has become synonymous with ‘being happy. Gone are the days when people used to have genuine well-wishers, friends that didn’t come with conditions, and a network that used to consist of people that you often meet face to face.
Feeling happy comes with a very short expiry date these days. You get a promotion, feel happy for a day or two, and then back to the grind in the office where you’re working more than ever. You have 10 personal leaves at work- you take a vacation and your happiness lasts only for those 10 days. 7 actually, because the last three days are spent feeling blue about going back to work. You spend your savings of 10–15 years (plus a loan) on buying a house. You do feel proud of that but you feel prouder when the praise comes from a friend or a family member. Any materialistic thing that you have bought for yourself or someone has bought for you doesn’t become a source of happiness until and unless you share a story about it on social media…. All of this is a pretty sad state of mind. And it has been created by you for you. No one is pushing it on us, no one is keeping a score of our so-called ‘achievements’. Then why are we participating in the race? Why are we just alive? Why aren’t we living our lives?
That’s because we are scared. We are scared of acceptance. We think that if we accept ourselves and our life the way it is, we’d be nothing but losers in this big fat world full of big fat competition.
We are scared to accept our strengths and the good things in us. Because the harsh reality is that most people, especially in your professional life, want you to focus more on your weaknesses (read: ‘areas of improvement’). Everything negative is also twisted so well to look like an opportunity. Everything that actually shouldn’t bother us is presented as a challenge that you should tackle head-on! The subtle infusion of toxicity into our mind and body has become so addictive, that many people do not even want to try to get away from it.
Sadly, what happens at work is usually associated with what is happening in your personal life. Not just by you, but by your family and friends as well. I think millennials are the worst victims of this interconnected perception. I cannot speak for others, but I can speak for myself. Since childhood, I was told that if you don’t study hard to be at the top of your class, your life will be sad. A disaster. You won’t have enough money to buy the things you want (not need), and you would be a big loser that no one will respect. These weren’t their exact words but were their exact thoughts. And I don’t blame them for being so pushy. Those were the days when there were not many career options available to middle-class kids and you had to get very good scores to get into any top college which would then secure you a good job. In retrospect, I want to change that entire period of my life when I was nothing more than a brilliant student. I have no real childhood memories with my friends. I never got to play with my friends (except for 15 mins during school recess). I didn’t travel anywhere except 90 miles from home to my aunt’s place during the summer holidays. All I did was study. I had a method and everything. I had a timetable and everything. I would not waste even 2 mins of my time if I could use it for going through my class notes. I then thought I was perfect. I was smart and intelligent and I will seize the world one day.
Come 18, I am leaving my home town and my home state for further studies. No parents to guide me, no teachers who will tell me exactly what to study, and no more methods or timetables because everything was too confusing and overwhelming. It was all about figuring shit out. From finding survival food to figuring out how to pass the examination. It was more than just competition. It was about finding yourself. Finding your interests (yes, including boys), finding what kind of person you are, what kind of friend you are, how you deal with loneliness, and what makes you happy! It wasn’t just about survival; people learned the meaning of life!
But then, unfortunately, professional life hits you. And while your parents are extremely proud of you and do not miss out on any opportunity of boasting about your ‘awesome’ job to whoever they come across, here you are, confused as hell, constantly playing catch up. Money keeps coming, but life keeps passing by in a blink. Friends become competitors, your boss becomes a dictator and everyone around seems like a predator. As you grow older, it only gets worse. Until it doesn’t anymore…
If you are (un)lucky enough like me to have been hit by a wave of toxicity beyond your immunity, you will reach a stage where you learn to prioritize yourself. And more importantly, you learn to accept.
You realize that there is no need to rush, because no matter how fast you run, in the bigger scheme of things, you are a tiny being wanting to seize the whole world.
You learn to put a limit, you learn to be in the moment, and you learn to choose what should bother you and what shouldn’t. You start understanding your mind and your body. Yes, life might seem to slow down a bit, but that’s what makes it possible to avoid things that bring no real purpose to your life. The comparisons stop, and the harsh criticism against yourself stops. You learn to focus on fewer but more meaningful things. In a nutshell, you outgrow yourself.
When I put it this way, yes, life doesn’t sound that exciting. But if I am here for a limited period of time and an even more limited period of being in the best of my health (because the 50s is the new 70s), I want to be the one in charge of my life and I want to focus on things which bring me joy in the everyday walk of life. I want my mind and my body to be selfish and think about what’s good for me. If I am not feeling good, there is no way I want to promise anyone else that I can be of any help to them because the expectation is a double-edged sword. Existing is fine as long as you aren’t bugged by missing out on anything. But if feel like things are going past too soon for you to enjoy them, it’s time to slow down and catch hold of moments that make your life beautiful.
So, keep good physical health, keep a check on your mental well-being, stop overthinking about things, and keep that smile alive. And more importantly, live a big life! 😊
