How labels turn love into obligation
(I wrote this when I was 19)
nah, I don’t really do labels.
Now, when you read this, a question obviously pops into your head, which is “why?”
why.
I know a lot of you are thinking, " Bro, it’s simple, it’s probably because you want to fuck around with multiple people and just hoe around. But no, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, and to be fair, I’ve had my share of fun too, and I’d actually recommend everyone explore that side of life at least once. Yeah, okay, maybe I’m tremendously wrong or right, but who cares? I’m only 19, and I’m still figuring things out, so whatever.
So coming back to the question of why I don’t do labels.
Considering the world we live in right now, where all of us have so many options and distractions, labelling might help, okay, I’m saying might, but does it really?
Someone who actually wants to be loyal will be loyal, whether it’s a partner, a situationship, whatever you want to call it. And someone who can’t do it just won’t. label or no label.
So here’s the thing. When you label a relationship, after a point, you’re expected to feel a certain way or behave in a certain manner. And the moment either person notices even the slightest shift, things get ugly really fast.
My whole idea behind not labelling is simple. I want to love someone by choice, not by obligation.
I don’t want it to feel like a duty. And honestly, isn’t that fair?
I’ve seen so many people stay in something just because they felt obliged to. I’ve done it too, in the past.
And when you’re young, this is all you know. This is what you’ve seen. This is what you think relationships are supposed to look like. For a lot of us, smartphones came into our lives around grade 9, so we didn’t really know any better. We grew up watching certain dynamics and just assumed that’s how things work. ( I used to believe saying NO to men was not even an option) funny right? not at all.
And this isn’t just about women tolerating men. It goes both ways.
You start believing that certain behaviours are necessary for a relationship to survive. that you’re supposed to adjust, tolerate, keep things going no matter what.
And then one day you step back and think about it, and you’re like, what the fuck.
So yeah, my logic behind not labelling is that I want to love someone by choice.
And I know some of you are thinking I’m just trying to take the easy way out, that this isn’t how relationships work, that they’re supposed to be hard.
But honestly, you can’t mess up something that’s meant for you. You really can’t. You could do the bare minimum, and the right person would still be happy because it’s coming from you.
And even if I am choosing the easier way, what’s actually wrong with that? Who decided it has to be hard?
The point is, labels can turn things into an obligation. not for everyone, but for a lot of people. And once friends know, once it’s on social media, once it’s out there, it becomes harder to walk away when you should.
So people stay. They tolerate things. They keep going even when something feels off.
And when that starts early, it becomes a pattern. something constant, something you don’t question anymore. You don’t even realise it’s there because it’s been there for so long.
It just starts feeling normal.
And maybe that’s why so many people realise much later in life that something isn’t right, and only then do they walk away.
So for me, this is just about being more aware earlier, about not turning something into a habit before understanding it, and actually enjoying a person and the time with them, without rushing to define it.
And even with my friends, I always say this. observe. Take your time. See how it feels. You don’t have to decide everything immediately.
Maybe after a few months, sure, commit. But at least then you know what you’re stepping into.
So yeah, I just want something where I’m there because I want to be, not because I feel like I have to be.
