I Dumped Him Via Text Message
I Probably Could Have Handled it Better
I couldn’t do it anymore. The relationship was smothering me, but I held on because I didn’t want to hurt him.
In reality, I was hurting him; worse, I was hurting myself.
I had been living life as a single woman in New York City for 4 years. These were some of the best years of my life. I lived my life the way I wanted to without having to answer to anyone. I was the 5th wheel to every wedding and event, and I loved it!
As I was nearing the end of my time in NYC, I reconnected with a friend of mine who had told me he loved me before I moved to NYC. I believe my response to those crazy intense words was, “thank you”. I didn’t speak to him again for 4 years.
After we reconnected, I told myself to use caution and tread lightly so I wouldn’t hurt him again. But I was lost. My mom had fallen ill in Kentucky, and I was in the middle of a very transformative time in my life. I dove in head first without listening to my rational self.
He was never more than a friend to me, but I was desperate for something to comfort me during this trying time. I was searching for support and found that in him (and alcohol, if I’m being completely honest here). But I did not love him, nor was I physically attracted to him. Usually, both are required to have a healthy relationship.
Early on in our relationship, I told him that the most I wanted to see him were 3 days a week and that I needed the other 4 days to myself. This alone should have been a red flag, but that’s the beauty of hindsight.
As the months went by, I found myself wanting to spend less and less time with him. I started dreading every interaction with him. This was not healthy. I could not keep doing this to him. He didn’t deserve this, nor did I.
I told him I needed to take a trip to NYC to see my friends and clear my head. I set off for my weekend away. I got drunk and went dancing with my friends. I didn’t talk to him that entire weekend or for several days after I got home. This was worse than I thought.
I received a text from him a few days after I returned to Kentucky. “Did you make it home ok?” he asked.
I responded with yes and proceeded to dump him via text. I couldn’t bring myself to hold on any longer, but due to my emotional immaturity and disinterest in any form of confrontation, I felt this was the best way to pull the plug and end our relationship. I realize, now, that this was not the best way to end a relationship, but I’ll chalk it up as being romantically inexperienced and young.
I don’t know that there is ever a good way to break up with someone, but I think doing so via text message is the most insensitive way to end a relationship with someone.
We live in a world where doing things via chat or text is more convenient. I have grown a lot since the end of this relationship. The lesson I learned from this is to always be honest with yourself, move slow, and find the strength to have those uncomfortable conversations with someone in person.
When you’re hurting or in a transformative time in your life, the last thing you need is a relationship out of desperation. In the end, both of you will end up hurting.
