Living My Insides on the Outside

It only took me four decades.

Photo by author’s friend at our favorite bar.

There’s a scene in the movie Home (super cute movie, highly recommend) in which one of the characters explains to a character they just met that “I don’t fit in, I fit out”. That really resonated with me and did so long before that movie ever came out.

I always felt different, unique, rhombus peg in a round hole. I never felt at home in Illinois and never felt like the name, Karyn, matched my personality at all. Probably why David Bowie, when I saw him on tv for the first time in the 1986 classic Labyrinth, felt like a kindred spirit. He, for sure, knew what it was like to “fit out” and he embraced it. I, on the other hand, took a long time to get there.

Feeling it on the inside.

For the last few years, a lot has been a’changin’! With the help of meditation, shamanic healing, therapy, yoga, some amazing friends, and some life-changing books and podcasts (Untamed by Glennon Doyle and her podcast We Can Do Hard Things have had a tremendous impact), I get to know myself more every day.

A few things I’ve realized are that I’m not attracted to gender, but rather energy. I wrote about it here: