Looking for Love
An Introduction to my very colorful life
I want to begin the introduction to this series by telling you that I am now in my mid 70s, and have been wonderfully married to a truly incredible woman for over 25 years.
When my wife and I first became involved she was warned by others that I was trouble, that it was best to not get involved with me. That wasn’t fair. I am a kind, relatively honest person, and in 25 years I have never betrayed my wife in any way, shape, or form.
She, being quite extraordinary, took these warnings as a challenge, and as we decided to become more serious, she asked for the phone numbers of all of the important girlfriends who had passed through my life, and without any jealousy, or “weirdness” she called each one, and politely and with great clarity, emotional balance, and good will, asked them why my relationships with them didn’t last?
My wife knew immediately, that through it all I was simply looking for love. I knew it as well.
The responses from these women were lovely. They usually described me as…
- too unconventional for their taste,
- too focused on spiritual success, rather than material success,
- or a combination of both.
Of course, there was that most common factor; neither they nor I were looking for anything serious. These wonderful women, many of whom my wife and I are still in touch with today, were kind in their assessment of me as a boyfriend. “Great guy, real smart, not for me!”
So my wife took the risk, and when we got married a year later (November 8, 1998) many of these women (60 to be exact) with their lovers, mates and partners, were personally invited to our wedding. Most came.
At the wedding I gave a speech to these women, looking at each of them as I delivered it — Dedicating it to my new wife. In this speech I likened myself to a block of jagged irregular stone. I then described how each of these women had sculpted, shaped, and polished me until I became the man that was ready for this incredible woman who was now my wife.
There were tears in the room, as well as much gratitude and love.
In 1977 I moved to Manhattan from the Bronx where I had grown up. I got a studio apartment on the 5th floor of a brownstone on 58th street. Interestingly, when they tore the building down many years later, it became the location of the Four Seasons Hotel, one of the most expensive hotels in the world.
Of course, in 1977 it was a low price apartment in a building that they knew was going to be torn down eventually, so nobody really wanted to live there.
Every day I would walk up the five flights to my little Studio. As was often the case with any young person who had moved to the big city, probably any big city, but especially New York, I was looking for two things; a girlfriend, and a career. I already had the semblance of a career as a consultant on Wellness. I was one of the earliest life coaches around. As for girlfriends? I really wasn’t sure of what I wanted. Love, sex, whatever?
I was still at that very immature stage, where I wanted a physically beautiful partner, the kind of young woman that other men wanted, and which would make me more attractive to other women.
I personally presented a dangerous combination in personality and lifestyle. I was an edgy, hyper hedonist, who also had an interest in meditation, philosophy, and spirituality. Still I was an anything goes kind of individual. I imagine, one of my saving graces, was that I didn’t get high or self-medicate in any way. I had no taste for alcohol, or blow (cocaine was pretty popular in my crowd in the 1970s and 80s). I also had few social boundaries and was up and open for pretty much anything that was not overtly self-destructive. Put plainly, these patterns and my personality gave me a pretty colorful life.
Let me add that I was particularly shy around women that I found physically attractive. When I encountered them it set the endorphins, and dopamine off in my brain.
I often developed crushes that bordered on obsession. My tastes leaned towards ballerinas, gymnasts and tall fashion models.
A simple ecstacy for me was walking out my front door and down the stairs to buy my morning coffee.
So here I was on the 5th floor of this brownston walkup. On the 2nd floor was the studio and apartment of Bruce Weber. Today Weber is a world reknowned American fashion photographer and occasional filmmaker. Over the years he has made ad campaigns for Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, Pirelli, Abercrombie & Fitch, Revlon, and Gianni Versace, and made work for Vogue, GQ, Vanity Fair, Elle, Life, Interview, and Rolling Stone magazines.
His fashion photography first appeared in the late 1970s in GQ magazine, where he had frequent cover photos. This would have been just about the time he, I, and Nan Bush, his longtime companion and agent, became neighbors.
At that time Nan had secured a contract with Federated Department Stores. Bruce, a former model himself, had been hired to shoot the 1978 Bloomingdales mail catalog. He then came to the attention of the general public in the late 1980s and early 1990s with his advertising images for Calvin Klein, and the rest is history.
I was very shy at this time, and terrified of the woman I found most attractive. They would walk past me going up the stairs as I went down them. I would smile and say hello, and they would smile back. I behaved myself, up to what we would now call “#me too” standards, yet in my mind they were all my girlfriends. I imagined living with them. Drinking coffee and eating bagels and Cream Cheese as we read the NY Times in bed on a Sunday morning. All this in the 3 seconds it took to walk past a beautiful young creature, with a thin straight, and symmetrical nose, with high cheekbones. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I needed to rest there for a few seconds just to let my heartbeat slowdown.
As for girlfriends I did what most of my young, hungry, urban peers did, I tried to meet girls. I won’t say I tried to pick up girls. I really didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t handle rejection easily. I had felt rejected through my teen years and never had an actual date until I was 19.
My mind was often at war with itself. As I have already mentioned I was particularly shy around the types of woman that I was attracted to, and yet I was also a very social person. I went to different parties, clubs and discos. I tried to get into Studio 54, the premier disco club in the world at the time. I stood outside the Red Velvet Rope, and was ignored by the security-doorman (the famous Marc), and stood by lamely as I was bypassed for others who were considered to be hipper, better looking, more stylish, just entertainingly edgier, and stranger than I.
I went to the other popular clubs of the day like Majique, New York, New York, The Red Parrot, The Underground, Area, the Tunnel, and The Bowery Bar.
I usually went alone, and often danced alone in the crushing mix of beautiful people. I wasn’t depressingly lonely in any way. It was all very celebratory and social, and yet I was alone.
As time went by I was able to connect with different women. I was getting well known in the alternative medicine, and healing community and became socially skilled enough to say “Hi” and if that was reciprocated, I would ask the girl-woman out for a date. I knew I had a unique personality, and often one thing led to another. We were all trying to find our way in the big city, professionally, and romantically, and often two ships passig the night might end up in the same port.
I did get girlfriends of a sort, over tme and being that I and they were young our coming together (no pun intended) evolved and revolved around two things.
1. I thought I was in love and somehow convinced the woman I thought I was in love with to get involved with me.
2. Someone else thought they were in love with me, and me being a little needy and secure let them into the door.
Ultimately, as you now know, these relationships ended for various reasons. Usually, related to:
1. My, their, or both of our immaturity,
2. General emotional baggage that fed dysfunctional behavior
3. A combination of #1 and #2.
The stories in this series about my colorful life, that I I’m about to tell you, are essentially about looking for love. I can give you the conclusion to the series now. I found the love I was seeking at 47 years old.
There I was, I was standing on the corner of 42nd Street and first Avenue, on July 4, 1997. I simply said hello to a woman and she said hello back. We were both there for the same reason; the Macy’s Fireworks on the East Tier. In less than six month we were engaged, and a year after that we were married.
We’ve been married for 25 years and I have no complaints whatsoever. she puts up with my craziness I put up with her craziness. We don’t actually agree about much, however we agree about the most important things, and most importantly we take care of each other where it counts. We never fell in love. We just rose up to, and built a real deep and mature love.
The stories in this series, give me a chance to tie up some loose ends (many of my former girlfriends will read them with laughter, warmth, and delight.)
If you are personally looking for love, know there is hope. I waited for many year to get and embrace the one I needed rather than what I thought I wanted.
If nothing else I hope these stories will give you hope that you too will find a great love. As for my 48 years (from 19–47) of colorful adventures, hungering for love, finding and losing girlfriends.
I ultimately found and have created love with and for an incredible human being, and done so daily.
Most of my memories of those past days are positive and my wife has nurtured and allowed both of us to become close friends with many of the extraordinary woman I dated and lived with over the years. She and I just spoke with three of them and their partners today.
We are actually in touch with most of the women I dated over the years, if the relationships lasted more than three or four months. So now you know me a bit.
This story is a Module from my online course, The Art and Science of Finding Love.
Here is a Medium story on this subject @yaelwolfe
Here is one from the archives @LewisCoaches
Learn more about my philosophy and extensive teachings here
To learn more about studying directly with me, just email me at LewisCoaches@gmail.com. I will respond personally.
Author: Lewis Harrison is a Manifestation Coach, professional futurist (forecaster), and a philanthropy consultant. He is the creator of the Ask Lewis Mentoring Method as well as HAGT — Harrison’s Applied Game Theory. He is the Executive Director of the International Association of Healing Professionals an educational organization that offers programs around the world in Intentional Living. He is also Independent Scholar, with a passion for knowledge, personal development, self-improvement, creativity, innovation, and problem-solving. You can read all of his Medium stories at Lewis.coaches@medium.com.
For a decade, Lewis was the host of a humor-based Q & A talk show on NPR (National Public Radio) affiliated WIOX FM in NY.
To learn more about studying with me, email me at LewisCoaches@gmail.com
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