Not Like Them
On Alienation, Ego, and Self-Reflection
Existential pain caused by other people — when you retreat to the nearest nowhere, you realize how peaceful it really is.
I’m grateful. I value my life and the environment I live in. Alone but not lonely. I could have been like them. But who exactly are they?
It’s clear that I suffer — or have suffered — because of “them.”
Maybe I didn’t have (or still don’t have) what they do.
Maybe that’s just resentment.
Or maybe… it’s jealousy.
By exposing these primitive parts of myself, I can start looking at this whole thing with a bit more honesty — and objectivity.
It’s as if — just like that — “those people” are different.
Their reality is not mine.
And mine isn’t theirs.
We were all born into different circumstances, and what they live by — their world, their rules — feels foreign to me.
Strange, in a different way.
Still, I’d add another layer to this: the way we communicate.
Because of their particular, visible, and common-in-our-times way of seeing the world — their style, their identity, their sense of belonging — I often feel like I don’t belong.
It’s not that I can’t fit in.
I probably could.
But either I don’t want to, or — like I said before — I carry some kind of scar or bitterness that gives me a strange sense of confidence by being different.
Being “not them.”
This pattern is easy to spot in today’s world.
In fact, it might apply to all the “identities” around us — only the perspective shifts.
That confidence they carry — their labels, their image.
It seems like they have to keep “showing themselves off.”
Maybe it’s just a symptom of something universal: a need to belong.
Their “artificial” confidence.
Their arrogance.
Their immaturity or shallowness.
This “style” of theirs — they feel it, and they seem to wear it proudly.
I often wonder what their worldview really is.
How does that style of theirs affect things like responsibility, respect, and humility?
It starts to feel like a kind of witch hunt.
Because here’s the thing —
It’s not hard to project negative traits onto someone we know, or even a stranger on the street.
The fact that I just did that?
Probably says something about me too.
And maybe I should stop openly criticizing others altogether.
But does that mean those traits don’t exist?
Are “they” just a fabrication of my own?
Maybe I just don’t fit in with them.
That’s possible too.
One thing I do know:
I’m not right.
And neither are they.
Or… maybe I am — but so are they.
This is simply how I see “their” style.
To be honest, I could be just like them — and just as happy.
What I find off-putting is their attitude.
In my view, it lacks depth and meaning.
But maybe I’m the one lacking humor and openness — dulled by sadness I once brought upon myself.
Or maybe, as I dared to admit, they do indeed possess the flaws I observed — though my view may be tainted by emotion.
So… does the scale tilt against me?
Could be.
I’ve met “many of them” in my life.
My smallness, my sensitivity, my jealousy — those things were with me back then.
Maybe I just lacked confidence.
Was it just envy?
Back to the point — interacting with “them,” no matter the phase of my life, could frustrate me…
but didn’t have to.
(Remember: Even if I try to sound objective here, my subconscious might still be driven by emotion — by a perception shaped by past experience. Maybe I was just unlucky to meet the “wrong” people?)
We tend to remember the negative, don’t we?
So what stood out to me the most in them, in a positive sense?
I think it was their ease.
What felt negative in contrast?
An unhealthy kind of confidence.
Their posture — their ego — has a specific quality to it.
Their view of reality, their sense of belonging, the way they interact with others (often built on jokes, loud confidence, and self-display) feels… excessive.
Maybe I just prefer quiet, humble people?
Maybe, to them, I’d be exactly like what I describe here?
What would I look like through their eyes?
Maybe that’s exactly why they come across to me the way they do.
I’m trying to describe my impressions — not as facts, but as feelings.
And that’s important:
Feelings first. Perceptions second.
Because the moment you assign negative traits to someone else, it’s probably time to take a closer look at yourself, too.
