Self-respect above everything

How I learnt this the hard way

Ai image generated via Grok — by author

Patterns — is a word I dread. Mainly because they baffle me. I can see them forming in my life, I can see me following them, albeit with some awareness, and yet I cannot seem to get rid of them, no matter what I do. Recognizing patterns and still falling into their trap was a pattern I needed to break.

I am generous with my love. Whenever I am fond of people, I shower my love, unfiltered. I buy stuff, I go out of my way to help, I show concern, and I am like their first line of defence. Their presence makes me happy, and I always make it a point to tell them how much I love them or that I am always there for them. I feel happy and blessed to have them in my life.

And yet at a point, I get worried that I will lose them. And that starts manifesting actual fights that scare me even further of losing them. I try harder to think about them, and I work harder to ensure everything is okay. All that does is to push people away, for some strange reason that I can never fathom. I then find it difficult to overcome the circumstance. I find it tough to love again. I end up pitying myself for having done so much and yet received so little.

Until..

I recently realized that’s the problem. Everything I did was a problem. I made myself too available. I…