Member-only story
The Most Important Thing to Carry
For a long time, I thought the most important thing to carry with me was composure.
A well-constructed sentence.
A tidy emotion.
A well-rehearsed “I’m fine.”
I learned early on how to protect myself. How to stay one step ahead of disappointment. How to pre-script conversations, calculate distance, and carry myself like I wasn’t hoping for something more — even when I was.
At times, I thought the most valuable thing to carry was logic.
Or control.
Or backup plans.
And for a while, those things worked. Until they didn’t.
Because the truth is, none of those things prepare you for real connection.
Not the deep kind.
Not the kind that disrupts your patterns.
Not the kind that walks into your life unannounced… like a man holding a dog leash and a question you didn’t know your heart wanted to answer.
What I Carry Now
These days, I carry something different.
Something softer.
Less certain.
Infinitely more alive.
