Unbothered
Leaving behind the culture of constant offense
I didn’t realize how much I had changed.
In the past, I had no problem letting people know exactly how I felt about an offense – whether it was directed at me or someone I loved. But recently, something happened that made me see just how different I’ve become.
It was a beautiful day, spent with the women in my family, carrying on our Thanksgiving tradition. Every year, we go out for brunch, shop for dinner ingredients, and then gather at whoever’s hosting to prep the food. The kitchen becomes a well-choreographed line dance —wine pouring, music playing, laughter bouncing off the walls. We chop bell peppers, onions, celery, and collard greens, bake cornbread for the dressing, season the meats, and swap stories. And when the work is done, we sit around the table, soaking in each other’s company.
That evening, as we settled into the familiar, an unusual guest strolled in. He greeted everyone, making his way around the room, and when he got to me, he casually pointed out that I had gained weight.
It wasn’t a revelation – I had spent the morning venting to my cousins about getting older, gaining weight, and the joys of menopause. But the room went silent.
He’s no bodybuilder himself, but that didn’t stop him from stating the obvious. My girls are fiercely protective of me, and I could sense their energy shift in response. As for me? I wasn’t offended at all. I understood that he didn’t have a filter, and at his age, you can’t always teach an old dog new tricks.
Still, that old dog sucked the joy right out of the room. And to keep the peace, one by one, we started saying our goodbyes.
The next day, my cousin was still livid. It made me chuckle inside – she just couldn’t believe I hadn’t set him straight the way she knew I could.
“I don’t see how you let that slide,” she huffed.
I reassured her that I was fine. She reassured me that she had handled it and that I should expect an apology.
Sure enough, at Thanksgiving dinner, he pulled me aside, fumbling through an apology – unaware that there was never anything to forgive. In my heart, there had been no offense to begin with.
The Bible teaches us how to handle every situation that comes upon us. Ephesians 4:31 says, Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Of course, I could have gotten angry. I could have said I hope the baby he’s carrying is my aunts. Lol. But my heart and mind didn’t find that response. I simply chuckled and said yes I have.
In the next episode of Test Keshia’s Gangster…
I was working at the tax office, trying to help a young lady with her IRS debt. We were having a great conversation when she suddenly asked my age.
I told her, and she responded, “I would have never guessed that – but the gray around your edges f*ck you up.”
I laughed so loudly that I caused a disturbance in the office.
The funny thing is, earlier that day, I had already planned to go into the salon before my clients to touch up my roots. I’m not quite ready for the grays either, but life had been so busy that I kept pushing off a little self-care.
Honestly, I wasn’t offended at all – I took it as a compliment. The young lady’s boldness tickled me, and the way she said it wasn’t malicious; it was just honest. Later, when I told my cousin and my clients about it, they all gasped.
“You let her say that? After you were helping her get out of the red?!”
I just laughed. I had to reassure them – you had to be there. It wasn’t negative. It was true. And besides, I had already noticed it myself and planned to do something about it. No offense taken.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 reminds us Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.
That young lady had never met me before and had no idea that I’d become a full-fledged Bible thumper – lol. I wrote about that journey here: Read- I Didn’t Mean To Become a Bible Thumper. I’m grateful for the attitude adjustments I’ve made. I have more peace and feel compelled to share my experiences.
Moments like these used to trigger a response that lingered way beyond a reasonable time frame. Days later harping on what I should’ve said. These moments are when negative thoughts manifest “dis-ease” in your mind and body.
As I become more self-aware, I have also become more attuned to my surroundings. In this heightened state of awareness, a pattern of constant offense has emerged.
The magnitude of offenses that my people carry as a culture is astronomical.
The disparities we experience with “dis-ease” often make me wonder if they are linked to the perpetual feelings of being disrespected or undervalued. This cycle has afflicted my community for generations. What if we all learned to let go of our anger and not be easily provoked?
How did I go from being quick to clap back to completely unbothered? The answer is simple: I started studying the Word. The more I read, the more I realize that offense is a trap, and I refuse to keep falling for it. Here’s exactly how Scripture is teaching me to let things go:
1. Studying the Word Daily
Psalm 119:165 Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.
2 Learn to Overlook Offense
Proverbs 19:11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
3. Let Go of Bitterness and Resentment
Ephesians 4:31–32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger… Be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God forgave you.
I’m almost certain I’ll be tested again. There are always opportunities to be offended. But I refuse to look for them. I now see them as a trap to avoid.
So, will I stand firm in what I’ve learned, or will I let old habits creep back in?
Time will tell.
How do you handle offense?
