Why Do We Grieve Those Who Leave Us?
We only begin to feel the value of our own lives when we lose a life that once walked beside us.
When I lost my grandmother, who had always been a beacon in my life, I felt a deep sorrow. A sorrow I couldn’t express through tears, so I had to sleep for days just to rid myself of it. It was a bitter sorrow. I never knew what it meant to lose something — some life — before the age of fifteen.
But after that, and after many years, it became clear to me that loss is the essence of being human, and that a human must lose. His loss of many things is proof that he is still alive — still living.
The reason behind the sorrow that accompanies the process of loss, before a person can heal, is that he does not only lose the one who left him, but he also loses the life he had built with them. In other words: when you spend most of your day with someone you love, losing them creates a void you cannot easily or quickly fill, because that space was covered by their presence.
And when you go through that time in which they are no longer present, you will lose the happiness you once felt during that moment, and it will turn into sorrow followed by misery for a certain period — one that varies depending on the person’s mentality.
Many philosophers throughout history expressed views on loss that varied, but most of them saw its existence as conclusive evidence that we possess nothing in this life, and that everything is temporary.
Therefore, it is something natural that we must accept with calmness — as Marcus Aurelius said.
As for Buddha, he sees attachment as the root of all suffering, because the one who becomes attached to something and then loses it will suffer, as they built most of their life upon what was lost.
Thus, it is better, as he believes, for a person to remain connected to what surrounds him, without becoming attached to anything he knows will disappear one day.
Nothing is permanent.
“Everything on it will perish.”
Yes, we will lose much — because we are deeply attached to this life. And it is hard for us to let go of everything we were attached to, and everything we worked for.
But… can one be a human being without any attachment to life?
Is that the true meaning of humanity?
Yes, I know that emotions — and all these things — are what distinguish us from other creatures.
But I don’t want to become attached to something I know with certainty will not stay with me.
I will walk through this life as if it were a ship that takes me to the shore — then I leave it.
I won’t become attached to that ship, because while I’m traveling on it, I won’t be thinking about the ship itself, but rather contemplating the vastness of the sea, the expanse of the sky, and everything on that ship…
Because I know that if I become attached to it, I will lose it — and then, my sorrow will be immense.
