Thriving after cancer: Open to life, expecting to love and prepared to serve. My journey to Nepal with Above and Beyond Cancer
I’m a two-time cancer survivor: non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and breast, 2010 and 2011, respectively.However, my cancer survivor status doesn’t define me.It has helped shape my life, but it’s a drop in the bucket compared to other events of my life.
On a beautiful spring day, April 28, 1986, one of my very best friends died in a car accident when I was seventeen, she was sixteen.She and two of my other friends were coming back from buying prom shoes. It hit me hard, I mourned for at least a year-maybe more.I learned about death then, about the fragility of life and how temporary our time on earth can be. I learned that sometimes you don’t get any warning that it’s all going to change. I learned about the stages of grief-how they’re not linear, and everyone moves through them differently and at their own pace.So six years later, when my 48-year old father died suddenly from acute arrhythmia, I knew what struggles lay ahead.I was only 23 years old when he died.I was a daddy’s girl and I was devastated.However, and this might sound strange to some…I had learned so much from my friend’s death, that the process of grieving that I went through for my friend, taught me how to not lose my mind when grieving for my father. Oh, I grieved.How could he be taken from me so early? Well, the main reason is because he was a heavy smoker.I was smoking at the time too.I knew I needed to quit.It’s pretty impactful when your father’s coroner tells you to your face the last thing his kids should be doing is smoking.It only took me four years to actually quit, but I haven’t touched the nasty things in almost twenty years. The third event was my true personal brush with death.The grim reaper had his hand on my hand and was tugging pretty hard.I didn’t want to go.I was almost 35 years old and trying to birth the child, a son, my husband and I had worked so very hard to create.I had suffered four miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy before finally bringing a healthy baby to term.I’ll spare you the gory details, but what happened was that after an emergency C-section, I hemorrhaged for about 12 hours before they could figure out what was happening to me. I was in the ICU for 4 days and the regular maternity floor for another three.My beautiful newborn son was brought to me every four hours for those four days in the ICU to nurse so that we wouldn’t miss the window for us to bond in that way. The recovery from that event was long, painful and hard.I was bedridden for weeks.I couldn’t even give my son a bath for three weeks.
But, eventually, I did recover.The next six years were full of all of the busyness that being a young parent brings as well as the adoption of a beautiful boy from Guatemala (the birth of my first son left me incapable of carrying another baby). Unfortunately, my husband and I did not take care of our relationship during this time, and it fell apart, seemingly suddenly in 2010.We had been divorced for three weeks when I ended up in the emergency room, with a cancer diagnosis, on Father’s Day that year.
Ironically, I was in the best shape of my life at that time.I was running, kickboxing, and doing yoga on a regular basis. I had a full marathon under my belt and was geared up to do some other local races. It was what was keeping me sane. Honestly, I think it was what got me through the rough chemo treatments the next 5 months.I responded extremely well to treatments and was in remission in no time.I decided to train for a full marathon in Savannah, Georgia the next fall for Team-in-Training. Team-in-Training is part of the Leukemia Lymphoma Society and I wanted to give back.I was in full-on fundraising and training mode when in August of 2011 I felt a lump in my breast.No!! This could not be happening! How could I possibly find the strength to go through cancer again?? Within a few days I learned that I had early stage breast cancer and endured a lumpectomy.A couple weeks later I started radiation (no chemo this time-yay! I could keep my hair this time). And…I thought about quitting my training for the full marathon.What a stupid distance anyway-26.2 miles! Crazy! But, I couldn’t.I had raised too much money and come too far.I kept going.I had the support of several friends who ran with me on the long runs and checked in with me every day to see how I was doing.After twelve weeks of training, and six and half weeks of daily radiation, I flew to Georgia by myself.I moved my last radiation appointment to the morning so I could catch my flight that afternoon.Though it wasn’t pretty, I finished the race, and I kept it under 5-hours.Not my goal, but oh, well. The point is, I showed up.I kept going.Truly, it was not easy and I really wanted to quit at times.
But, what having cancer twice finally, finally, finally, really hammered into my head is that you only live once.That’s it. And, you have no clue how long that will be.And, you must embrace it. It-being life! Do things that make you feel ALIVE. Love. Let yourself be loved.Give back.Listen to live music-outside if at all possible. Get out of your ‘comfort zone’.
And, if I can’t convince you of this, let me share three quotes that remind me to be ALIVE.
You don’t get to choose how you are going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you are going to live. Now.~Joan Baez
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that’s all.~ Oscar Wilde
The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive. ~ Thich Nhat Han
Or, you can adopt what the Unitarian Universalists say when leaving a service to head out into the day and the world: I am “open to life, expecting to love, and prepared to serve”. Which brings me to my mission trip to Nepal with Dr. Richard Deming and Above & Beyond Cancer. A group of 23 of us, half cancer survivors, half care-givers, leave tomorrow night for Kathmandu, Nepal.We will travel half way around the world to spend time at three cancer hospitals, one of which is pediatric. We are bringing very few personal items so that we can pack our suitcases with quilts and medical supplies.This trip certainly qualifies as helping me feel alive! There is nothing like seeing new sights, experiencing new smells, and most of all meeting new people to make one feel alive.I look forward to knowing, and giving my love, to the others on the trip as well as those we will meet in Nepal. We will all have the beautiful opportunity to serve and provide hope to the earthquake survivors and cancer patients in Nepal.According to Dr. Deming, the survival rate for cancer in Nepal pales in comparison to the United States.
My trip, and that of my caregiver and rock, Justin Hyde, is graciously being sponsored by Suku Radia, CEO of Banker’s Trust. I am beyond grateful and honored to have been chosen for the trip and to have this generous sponsorship from one of Des Moines’ greatest philanthropists.
And, in the spirit of giving back…I have committed to raising money for the YMCA’s cancer survivorship program. The program started in August and the needs range from meditation pillows to 12-week scholarships for cancer survivors. As a two-time cancer survivor, I am thrilled with the Above + Beyond Cancer survivorship programming. It has already changed the lives of cancer survivors and caregivers, and I am proud to be a part of this new effort. This new program will be incredible and will give more people than ever access to a much-needed, quality survivorship programming. Please consider a donation to this incredible program:
And…in the words of Harold Whitman, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Originally published at solsticeowl.blogspot.com on September 8, 2015.
