Feminism, thigh gaps and pubic hair: am I doing it wrong?
How do you draw a flower? Swéta Rana wants feminism to stop speaking for everyone and start celebrating difference.
Recently, I was among a workshop group asked to take part in a little experiment. We were told “draw a flower,” and had to immediately do so without deliberation. Then we were instructed “draw a house”. Essentially, the point of the experiment was to show that people subconsciously react in conditioned ways.
Everyone drew a nice daisy, along with a house boasting a triangular roof and plus-sign windows … except me. Without even thinking about it, I drew a bizarre, swirly sort-of-tulip, and one of those “Betcha can’t draw a cross in a house without taking your pen off the page” things. Both strange little concoctions are part of my instinctive doodles.
The guy in charge gave me a blank look, then proceeded to totally ignore me and discuss how everyone always reacts in the same way when given familiar stimuli. Inexplicably, I felt a little sad. Am I the freak of the group? Is there something so wrong with my head that I don’t understand simple tasks? Am I doing it wrong?
This sense of discord, of not fitting in, of somehow missing the point, has been haunting me quite a bit lately. General perusal of the internet has led me to feel profoundly anomalous, most notably within the realm of feminism.
In an article for the Guardian, chick-lit author Kathy Lette intends, I hope, to be tongue in cheek (she mentions throwing her kids in the washing machine). It’s an opinion piece, not hard-hitting journalism. Right. Gotcha. And I fully agree with some of the opinions espoused: equal pay, ending VAT on tampons, helping working mothers. All of these are social, political problems that need to be addressed in a fair and equal world. So far, so good, so feminist. I agree with all these matters — I’m doing really well here!
Then: “I like my pubic hair,” declares Lette. “It’s like having a little pet in my pants.” Overlooking the uncomfortable reference to apparent bestiality here, I can’t help but ask: wait, when did we get on to women’s personal health and beauty preferences? A minute ago we were talking about fair salaries. I was on board with that. When did private follicles get thrown into the mix? As it happens, Kathy, I personally don’t like my pubic hair. I get rid of mine quite happily. Does this mean I can’t live in your “female nether regions would be so forested they’d be awarded national park status” utopia? Am I doing it wrong?
Cosmo’s #StopThighGap campaign provoked a similar reaction. I do not have a “thigh gap”, but I know many who do, including one of my best friends. It isn’t deliberate or planned. The gal eats like a horse and rarely exercises. So she was pretty annoyed to see an internationally-recognised brand starting a campaign against her body type. And I was annoyed on her behalf. Yes, of course “thinspo” and the laudation of skinniness are dangerous and unhealthy. Such a view has the potential to really damage people’s self-esteem. But I was under the impression that lambasting the naturally slim is equally unfair. Am I doing it wrong?
Jezebel, recognised worldwide as a proponent of women’s rights, tells me this is how we all feel after a one night stand. Awkwardly wishing the person would leave. Uh, not me. I tell them to leave. And if they’re clingy, I will damn well go about my day however the hell I want. But the video is billed as being how we all react. People all over the world are meant to relate, right? Am I doing it wrong?
I can be accused of taking all these things too literally. Obviously Jezebel doesn’t speak for everyone. Neither do Cosmo or Kathy Lette (thank Christ). But the internet is a worldwide phenomenon, and feminism is a worldwide ideal. Being flippant when it comes to something so important is unwise, especially when you’re read around the world.
Too much feminist discourse nowadays is about the peripheral, and is veering dangerously towards entrenching irrelevant distinctions. I don’t care if you want to keep a “national forest” in your pants, more power to you. Just don’t make me feel bad for uprooting my trees. Like the house and flower I drew, I’m not doing it wrong. I’m doing it differently. I still completed the task. Similarly, if we’re all striving towards a goal of real feminism, of equal rights, safety and opportunities for everyone, what the hell does anyone’s personal style have to do with it?
True feminism should be all encompassing. It stands for equality for all people, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, or pubic hair. Championing issues like the global right to education, fair pay rates and the abolishment of an ideal body type are what these international platforms should do more of. Focusing on whether people’s thighs are too far apart, their personal grooming preferences, how they react to casual sex? Way to go right back to spitting in the face of equality.
Originally published at abstractmag.com on October 15, 2014.
