#BiSelfie: Proving Bisexuality Actually Does Exist
More and more often we’re seeing articles pop up, attempting to remind us all that the B in LGBT isn’t a passing phase. Autostraddle recently published an open thread for bisexual women who are dating men while simultaneously continuing their role in the queer community. While these stories are helping and generating some awareness, many who identify as bisexual still face double discrimination — prejudice from outside the queer community and inside as well. The queer spectrum is just that, a spectrum. Not one person is the same as another. Two bisexual women don’t have the same history and dating experiences. One woman could have been dating another woman for years while the other dated a man for the same amount of time. Nor do they both have the same support system to come out to.
When I told people about this project and explained that people were willing to come forward, I got this question too often:
“Do you think they’re really bisexual?”
This surprised me. No one questions my identity as a lesbian — at least not to my face. When will the time come that sexual orientation isn’t so black and white?
When will society see sexual orientation as a spectrum instead of boxes?
I chose to highlight their differences by simply creating the idea for a huge #BiSelfie that hopefully could break off into many individual selfies for those who identify as bisexual. I reached out to Paul Nocera, the organizer of BiRequest at the LGBT Center in Manhattan. We worked together to create an event not far from the center to gather as many bisexuals that would participate. We sent around the event information to dozens of organizations, email lists and to friends who helped with word of mouth. We planned for over twenty bisexual men and women to come to the event. Unfortunately, the weather brought with it many last-minute cancellations.
During the event, I asked some of the participants to step aside and take their own selfies while answering a few questions to find out why they came:
What does owning your identity mean to you?
“It means being self-contained. It means not being dependent on others to define me. This prepares me to be in a healthy relationship and potentially more visible.”
#BiSelfie — Anonymous Participant
How does it affect you?
“Being more visible makes me more fearful of hatred of some others. Also, the ability to care for our own people.”
#BiSelfie — Anonymous Participant
“It’s important for me to tell people I’m bisexual so that people don’t automatically think that I’m gay. Don’t assume that I like only one gender.”
#BiSelfie — Shelby Carr
“What owning my identity means to me: having the confidence in who I am to do what is best for me, everything from my career to my relationships.”
#BiSelfie — Kara
“Owning my identity means not letting other people tell me who I’m attracted to and who I’m not, who I love and who I don’t, who I am and who I’m not.”
#BiSelfie — Anonymous male source“There are so many little things that go on in male friend groups (e.g. bro hugs/ass slaps) I fear could change. I’m sure I wouldn’t lose any friends and I’d still be close with them, but I’m nervous about any subtle changes as a reminder that I am different.”
#BiSelfie — Anonymous male source
“Being Pansexual / Bisexual for me means that no matter which gender I date that I am queer. I am not straight if I date a male identified person, and I am not a lesbian if I date a female identified person. It’s not a phase, this is my life. And I love without abandon. Once when I told a gay man that I was bisexual he told me, “You perpetuate the negative gay stereotype that being gay is a phase”. How can my loving all gender representations do that? I do not chose to love who I love, it happens organically just like anyone else. His attitude represents the group of folks that think that Being bisexual is just a place holder until “We decide to label ourselves as gay or lesbian”. There are many Bisexual/ Pansexual folks out there. We just keep them closeted with this attitude.”
#BiSelfie — Lyssette Horne
Want to join the movement and have your #BiSelfie featured? Just use the hashtag on Twitter or Instagram! Let’s work on making the B in LGBT more visible. Allies are also more than welcome to help generate awareness for this sexual orientation.
