The golden triangle of networking
Networking doesn’t have to be gross
There are three categories of people in a networking situation.
Think back to your college or high school days. You probably had a friend who had a “thing.” Maybe they were good at making websites, or could fix a radio, or knew a lot about swing dancing. It doesn’t really matter what it was.
Now imagine that one day an acquaintance of yours needs to make a website, fix an old radio, or learn to dance. Your old friend’s face might just pop into your head, and if you were so inclined, you might become a connector and say “hey I know someone who you should talk to.”
That’s what networking looks like
If you are job searching right now, you are the acquaintance in this story. Networking is becoming the acquaintance that the connector WANTS to help, when the time comes for you to ask for it. This can take time, which leads to a fundamental truth:
You should be networking before you need it
Why? Because asking people you don’t know to give you something for nothing is not a pleasant experience for anyone, and a recipe for repeated failures for aspiring acquaintances.
If you go around meeting new people and asking for things off the bat, very few people are going to say “hey I know a guy you should talk to.” Because that requires going out of their way to ask a favor of someone they’re probably not that close to on behalf of a complete stranger.
You should cultivate a few mindsets as you build your network:
“How do I become the “friend” that other people refer their acquaintances to?”
- This is all about showing value. What are you good at? What knowledge and perspectives do you bring to the table? What resources do you have that others might benefit from? It’s not enough to just have these in your personal vault, because then no one knows about it! You have to publicly share your helpful knowledge so that people identify you as someone who has that type of thing. Create posts and articles, engage with the communities you’re a part of. Otherwise, you’re just a lurker.
”How do I show others that I am the type of person that they want in their network?”
- Think about people that you really want to connect with. What characteristics do they have, that you can emulate? Job title is not always in your control, but just like the first example, public posts are a good way to highlight who you are and how you think. Don’t just blast out every thought that comes to mind, comment on other people’s content! Provide your perspective, add value to the conversation, solve a problem if you can. Connect with people that you find engaging or helpful. Having a valuable network is an asset all on its own that goes with you no matter what job you have.
“How do I become an acquaintance that people want to help?”
- First, be aware that no one is obligated to help you. And if you engage with people for the first time with hand outstretched, you are imposing. So the first and best advice remains the same: build your network before you need it. Provide value and show that you’re putting in the work yourself by learning and creating what you can on your own, before you ask for help. When you do ask, be polite, be concise, be very specific about what you’re asking for, and respect the other person’s time.
The golden triangle
If you cultivate your network effectively and for long enough, you will find yourself in all three categories at different points in time. You will likely become a connector of different people as you meet more of them on your journey. As a professional something, you are the person with skills and resources that your network might tap you for help with, or for a job that needs someone just like you. In times of need, you are the acquaintance.
Importantly, as you are building your network, realize that it is not a one-time-use artifact. This is your lifelong group of people that are associated with you professionally, however distant. Don’t think of it as a database of potential people that will give you free favors, think of it as a connection to your current and future potential coworkers, collaborators, and bosses. Treat them as humans.
Show your gratitude.
Follow up.
Don’t be a dick.
That’s really it; networking isn’t actually difficult. It just requires investment of time over a period of time. If it feels gross to you, you might be doing it wrong and asking for favors when you should be saying “hello.”
