WHAT GOT YOU HERE WON’T GET YOU THERE — MARSHALL GOLDSMITH
Research suggests that 85% of a person’s job success is a product of interpersonal skills and only 15% of his success is the result of technical knowledge. Your people skills are the most important aspects of your game to climb up the ladder of success. This book explains thoroughly some of the bad behaviours and beliefs that obstruct successful people and gives time tested methods to change them
THE TROUBLE WITH SUCCESS — WHY WE RESIST CHANGE
Successful people believe in their skills and talent and think they cannot go wrong. This delusional belief ceases them to understand what’s wrong and how their behaviour is coming across to the people who matter.
Why does this happen? It’s because their inner compass of correct behaviour has gone out of whack and they become clueless about their position.
Four Key Beliefs help us to become successful. Each can make it tough for us to change. Let’s look more closely at each of these beliefs that can prevent us from changing our proven ways.
Belief 1: I Have Succeeded
Successful people believe in their skills and talent. It’s a mantra that goes like this: “I have succeeded” “I have succeeded” “I have succeeded”. It’s their way of telling themselves that they have skills and talent to win and keep winning. They do the same even when it’s a team effort. When a team achieves great results they tend to believe that their contribution was more significant than the facts suggests.
Belief 2: I Can Succeed
Successful people believe that they have the capability within themselves to make desirable things happen. One of the greatest mistakes of successful people is the assumption “I am successful”, I behave this way. Therefore I must be successful because I behave this way. The challenge is to make them see that they are successful in spite of this behaviour.
Belief 3: I Will Succeed
I have the motivation to succeed. Successful people have unflappable optimism and believe that they can manufacture success. This “I will succeed” belief can sabotage our chances for success when its time for us to change behaviour.
Belief 4: I Choose To Succeed
When we do what we choose to do, we are committed. When we do what we have to do, we complain.
People only change their ways when what they truly value is threatened. It’s our nature, it’s the law.
THE TWENTY HABITS THAT HOLD YOU BACK FROM THE TOP
Peter Drucker says “We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don’t spend enough time teaching leaders what to stop”. A bad decision or bad behaviour will always cost us heavily. We can change this. All that’s required is a slight tweak in our mindset, in how we look at our behaviour. These are transactional flaws performed by one person against others, they are:
1. Winning Too Much
2. Adding Too Much Value
3. Passing Judgments
4. Making Destructive Comments
5. Starting With ‘no,’ ‘but,’ Or ‘however’
6. Telling The World How Smart We Are
7. Speaking With Anger
8. Negativity, Or ‘Let Me Explain Why That Won’t Work’
9. Withholding Information
10. Failing To Give Proper Recognition
11. Claiming Credit That We Don’t Deserve
12. Making Excuses
13. Clinging To The Past
14. Playing Favorites
15. Refusing To Express Regret
16. Not Listening
17. Failing To Express Gratitude
18. Punishing The Messenger
19. Passing The Buck
20. An Excessive Need To Be “Me”
The higher you go the more your problems are behavioural. That’s why the behavioural issues become more important at the upper rungs of the corporate ladder.
When people ask me if the leaders I coach can really change their behaviour, my answer is: As we advance in our careers, behavioural change is the only significant change we can make.
HOW WE CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
We learn 7 step method for changing our interpersonal relationships and making these changes permanent.
Step 1: Feedback
Effective feedback, both positive and negative, is very helpful. Feedback is valuable information that will be used to make important decisions. Having 360-degree feedback from colleagues & family members is important for a comprehensive assessment of their strengths and weakness. Then I confront them with what everybody thinks about them.
Feedback helps in being Self-aware which is critical and can be structured using four-pane grid known as Johari window
Step 2: Apologizing
I regard apologizing as the most magical healing, restorative gesture human beings can make. It’s the only way to erase the negative baggage and ask the same people for help in getting better.
Step 3: Telling the World, or Advertising
Advertising is a very important step. It’s not enough to tell everyone you want to get better, you have to discuss in what area you have changed and ask people for help in improving.
Step 4: Listening
To learn from people you have to listen with respect. Listen without prejudice to what your colleagues, friends and family members are saying without interruption or arguing. Key is to fully understand what they are saying before formulating the response.
Step 5: Thanking
We should learn to thank because it’s the only way to express gratitude. The only proper response to whatever we hear is expressing gratitude. Learn to say thank you without ruining the gesture. Just be sure to take the time to thank everyone who contributes to your success, both directly and in public opportunities when given the chance.
Step 6: Following Up
Bridging the gap between our understanding and our action is to religiously follow up every month or so with the people. If you follow up you will do all the tasks on your list. The results will appear, you will change, you will be happier and people will notice.
Step 7: Practicing Feed-Forward
Feed-Forward miraculously helps in eliciting advice from people on what you can do to get better in future. Ask for some future suggestions on where you should go with these changes and work on implementing them. Like “Feedback” is the reflections of the past, “Feed-Forward” is the direction towards the future.
PULLING OUT THE STOPS
Leaders should learn how to apply the rules of change and what to stop doing now. The following rules will help you manage change efficiently.
Rule 1: You Might Not Have a Disease That Behavioural Change Can Cure
Rule 2: Pick The Right Things To Change
Rule 3: Don’t Delude Yourself About What You Really Must Change
Rule 4: Don’t Hide From the Truth You Need To Hear
Rule 5: There is No Ideal Behaviour
Rule 6: If You Can Measure It, You Can Achieve It
Rule 7: Monetize the Results, Create a Solution
Rule 8: Best Time is To Change Now
