12 Philosophies for Life Transformation
In 1995 I went to my first 12 step meeting at 18 years old. I became fascinated with the stories of how people were revolutionizing their lives. The folks who were at these meetings were drug addicted, down and out alcoholics, and generally the worst type of characters you could possibly meet! While there were quite a few “Hard-Luck Chuck” stories, there was the odd person in those meetings, that held a twinkle in their eye and a passion for living I had never seen before.
These were people who came from self-created atrocity, devastation, and lived through unimaginable experiences. Yet, those same people were incredibly genuine and authentically the happiest people I had ever encountered. They were individuals who seemed to have learned a secret to life. I was instantly mesmerized, and I wanted to know how they did it. So I studied, and I learned from those who had gone before me. I learned from many human beings — who didn’t just talk about making changes in their lives, they had striking results. They impressed upon me that the transformation principles described below, are meant to be practiced and lived on a daily basis.
I believe that the path of change is not reserved for the recovering addict alone. I envision a revolution of people realizing that the path to transformation can be followed by any person, regardless of their history. Anyone seeking a way to live a life filled with connection and purpose can begin to practice these philosophies today.
Here are the philosophies for life transformation — as the process unfolded for me:
#1 — Live with Truthfulness, Sincerity, or Frankness.
In order to step towards life transformation I first had to become aware that something needed to change. While awareness in itself isn’t honesty, it is the first crucial stage to becoming a person who is free from deceit. Sometimes, it’s like stepping out of a daze and realizing the reality of my current circumstances is no longer serving me. The ability to let go, without holding on to excuses leads the way to unconditionally accept my current reality. Being open, and having plainness of speech, along with sincere self-evaluation is the first step towards transforming. Of course, being honest about my current circumstances, doesn’t mean much if there is no belief that anything will change. I needed to feel hope.
#2 — Believe that what it is you want, can be had.
Hope came for me when I began to believe that my life could be turned around. There was a moment when my internal light produced a sudden surge of electricity through my body, and I found myself saying, “If they can do that, then so can I.” Hope is the idea that, what I currently want in my life really can be a reality. Though at that stage in my journey, I wasn’t able to quite yet see how, I believed that transformation was possible for me. But it is not enough to simply believe that transformation is possible, I needed to take action as a sign of faith in that belief.
#3 — Live with confidence, trust and an unshakeable ‘knowing’ that events will turn out for the best.
Faith is trusting that results will come. It is like flying through the air on a high-flying trapeze, letting go of the bar before you see the next one coming, and having faith that it will be there for you. Faith is the act of stepping outside of my comfort zone. Transformation does not happen when I am comfortable, and I must have faith to become uncomfortable, and try new ways of being. The way to put faith into practice is to have the courage to take new actions.
#4 — Be willing to look at yourself, even if you’re scared.
One of the most difficult tasks I had to face in order to transform, was the act of cataloguing my own beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. Often times, it can seem must easier to be a victim of my circumstances, because then I don’t have to own my power. It takes courage to take action and look at those parts within myself where I had been unethical. It was tempting to throw myself into bouts of self-pity as I began taking a look at those parts of myself that were not exactly flattering. But the purpose of a self-inventory is not to indulge further self-defeating beliefs, but to simply take stock. Merely have the courage to look and see what is there, because I can’t transform what I am not willing to own. And learned that there is so much freedom that springs forth from owning all of who I am. I became humble.
#5 — Accurately see yourself, and share all of who you are.
After taking stock of my inner workings, I became eager see myself accurately. As I began to see myself truthfully, I became aware that I am a human being on a journey. I saw that every person has character shortcomings, and I was no exception. When I saw this, I began to allow myself to simply ‘be’ who I am — imperfections & all. I released the pressure I had put upon myself to hide those character flaws. When I was unwilling to own my inadequacies, it was impossible to do anything about them. When I became disposed to honestly accept myself as I am, I had taken great strides towards becoming liberated. I now had free choice, and I began to see the value in living a life of integrity.
#6 — Behave in adherence to moral and ethical principles. Be the person you look up to.
I learned that when I become aware that I am going down a harmful path in life, at any moment, I can choose a different path. When I find myself behaving in a way that doesn’t support me with creating the things I want to experience, I can change my behavior. Integrity is about behaving in a way that is in alignment with the truth of who I am. Because I owned the fragments within myself, that were holding me back, I now have the capacity to make a different choice.
Here is a framework for living with integrity:
CHARACTER DEFECT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SPIRITUAL SOLUTION
Self-Indulgence . . . . . . . . Consider Others
Self-Pity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gratitude
Self-Justification . . . . . . . Self-Acceptance
Self-Importance . . . . . .. . .Humility — Willingness to learn
Self-Condemnation . . . . . Self-Forgiveness
Impatience . . . . . . . . . . . . Living inside the moment
False Pride . . . . . . . . . . . . . Humility & honest self-evaluation
Laziness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Action
Procrastination . . . . . . . . . Action
Criticism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Honest evaluation
Dishonesty . . . . . . . . . . . . . Prudent honesty
Rationalization . . . . . . . . . . Clear reasonable thinking
Indecision . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Find the facts and decide
Resentment . . . . . . . . . . . . .Forgiveness
Conceit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Humility & honest appraisal
Carelessness . . . . . . . . . . . . Honest sincere concern
Intolerance . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Consideration of others ways and beliefs
Sarcasm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Open-minded & tolerant
Anger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Find a healthy way to vent
Envy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Gratitude, count my blessings
Jealousy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Learn to share prudently
Greed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Unselfishness
Lust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thoughtful consideration
Hate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Practice love and sensible trust
Suspicion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Prudent Trust
Insincerity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Be Sincere. Be Real.
Fear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Practice Faith
As I began to practice these spiritual principles in my daily life, I began to experience transformation on a deeper level that I had never experienced before. Living a life filled with integrity, ultimately led me to want to reach out to others. Having developed a new sense of maturity, as a result of living with integrity, I wanted to make things right with my friends and family. I had a profound inclination towards repairing damaged relationships from my past where I had caused harm. I became willing to make it right.
#7 — Be inclined to do what is necessary. Fix what needs fixing.
I knew I had reached another stage of transformation, when within me burned a strong willingness to repair my wrongs of the past. It was very challenging to see how my actions had harmed others, and I could have easily talked myself out of making things right. However; the desire to repair and restore the damage I had caused in those relationships, became stronger than the fear I held about how I might be perceived. The simple act of being willing to make things right again, set in motion a profound change within me. I had gone from being consumed with my own personality blemishes, to being concerned for the welfare of others. I now genuinely want what is best for others, because I know the value of living with integrity. This was the stage in my journey where I began to experience a deep love towards all people.
#8 — Be affectionate and loyal towards fellow peoples.
Because I had looked deeply at my own defects of character, I had a deeper sense of compassion for others as they struggle in their own journey. There was a realization and recognition of myself in others. A desire to take action, and to make a difference in the lives of others. Began to overwhelm me. It was no longer satisfying to sit upon the sidelines and gossip about another, or shake my head, and say “Poor them”. I was moved towards loving that person, speaking words of faith to them, and believing in them. The first time I experienced this sort of loyalty from another, I was moved to tears. It made all the difference, having someone see past my mistakes and show me love and compassion. When I began to experience this type of love, I was faced with many opportunities to take action, which required a dedication to my newly found path.
#9 — Be steady and persistent in your course of action, especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
By this stage of my transformation, I found myself coming up against long held limiting beliefs. I began to take note and be aware. There was a part of me that still believed that I didn’t deserve to have profound happiness. I held beliefs that if my life became too good, then it’s only a matter of time before disaster must inevitably strike. I became persistent in overcoming these limiting thoughts. As I began to change in personality, others began to take notice. Most of the people in my life were supportive, and were happy for me. Though, there were others who seemed very uncomfortable with my personality change. I realized that my ability to change meant that they might have to admit they are accountable for their own life transformation. I was surprised by the people in my life who attempted to bring me down to their level. As I persisted on my journey, I came to see their behaviours had nothing to do with me, and I could see it for what it was, and to have compassion for where they were at. Rather than reacting to their character flaws, I choose to allow them their experience, knowing that I too have behaved in similar ways. I’ve learned that the best way to inspire change in others, is to be an example of my own transformation. Results will speak for themselves. Having the ability to persistently continue towards change, the world began to open up to me in ways that I never dreamed of or thought was possible.
#10 — Be disciplined and train yourself for improvement.
I became willing to go through apply these concepts on a daily basis. In an attempt to remain aware of the motives for my behaviors, every night I ask myself the following questions:
· Did I cause someone harm?
· Do I need to admit that I was wrong?
· Do I feel trapped?
· Am I setting myself up for trouble?
· Am I too hungry, angry, lonely, tired?
· Am I taking myself too seriously?
· Am I judging my insides by the outside appearances of others?
· Do I suffer from some physical problem?
Having the discipline to ask myself these questions on a nightly basis, is equivalent to doing housework on an on-going basis. It wouldn’t make sense for me to clean my entire house from top to bottom, only to then never ever clean my house again. I must have the discipline to look at how I’m choosing to live on a daily basis. When I first started on this journey, I did not know what self-discipline looked like. I made a point to find people in my life who were master at it. As I began to explore, I found many great examples of self-discipline, and I began to mimic their behaviors for success. I read books, I took courses, I went to seminars, I dove as deep as I could into training myself towards self-discipline. One of the best things I did for myself was to hire a Life Coach for support. Once a month, I take time out and share my results with my coach. It has been a magical experience, having someone in my corner rooting for me, and helping to guide my actions. Having external support is helpful to maintaining self-discipline, but what happens when there is no one else to look at for guidance? There were times on my journey where I was filled with uncertainty, and there was no one else around to guide me. Where was I to turn for guidance? I began to develop a connection to a power that is greater than myself.
#11 — Take time to relate with Spirit.
As human beings, we are a four layered bio-body suit. We have our emotions, our mental processes, our physical bodies, and then we have our spirit. The ability to connect with our spirit is critical in being able to maintain a long lasting life makeover. There are many ways in which we as humans can pinch ourselves off from the sunlight of our Spirits. Having done the inventory on myself, I began to develop a much deeper understanding of how exactly I disconnect from my spirit. I began to see clearly that when I disconnect from my Spirit, I tend to make choices that hurt myself, and others. Subsequently, I started putting self-discipline into action, and I began to practice meditation on a daily basis. Implementing the practice of daily meditation has once again, taken my transformation to an even deeper level. It is through the daily connection to Spirit that I have received guidance about my life and the directions I should take. No longer am I consumed with the atrocities of my past, or living in pain because of my corrupt behaviors. Connecting with my Spirit, my forward path has become clear and purposeful. I became set to be in service.
#12 — Be helpful & aid others.
Having reached the stage of transformation where I felt a purpose for my life, the way forward became much easier. Life began to flow with synchronicity and ease. I no longer felt trapped with second-guessing myself, or feeling guilty for harmful behaviors. I realized that in every moment of the day, regardless of where I am or what I might be doing, I can be helpful in some way. I can be standing in line at a grocery store and be helpful, perhaps it’s by practicing patience, or by letting someone go in front of the line. In every moment of the day, I can utilize my life to make a difference to another. And when I am giving to another, it’s because I have an abundance to provide, and it effortlessly flows through me. My love tanks are filled up, because I am living a life of integrity. I genuinely like who I am today. I am now being the type of person I used to look up to. When I first started this journey, I was completely consumed with my own problems, and had nothing to share with others. And as I continue to saunter along the boulevard of life — I’m now being directed towards blissful experiences. I find myself consumed with being a source of love and inspiration for others, just like those old-timers did for me. And that has made all the difference.
The Achologist is the official online publication for Achology, the Academy of Modern Applied Psychology for professional practitioners and life coaches.
